My husband won't give up porn !!

I could view cheating on a diet as infidelity too, but that would be my own quirky belief, and certainly not my wife's issue. Raising this to the level of infedelity, in my opinon, is a destructive thing to do. If your man is attraceted to some women he sees on the street, is that infedelity? Infedelity seems like an awful thing to accuse a spouse of who hasn't actually touched another woman. I think that holding a spouse to such a high standard is a bit unfair, especially if he is making efforts to comport with your moral code.

There are sure some folks with very tough standards here. Not really conducive to happy long-term relationships. Seems like everyone's looking for deal-breakers all the time.

It's a real shame. I prefer to give, and have, a little room for imperfection with people I love.

Here! Here!, Ebeth.

Beth
Thanks ;-)


Mit, Mit, Mit, you can't seriously compare porn to a diet, or even smoking. I view porn as cheating and that doesn't come close to being in the same ballpark.

Did you read Dr. Phil's views on this issue? If not, go read it and his words are saying what I've been saying all along. Are you going to tell me now that a doctor is wrong? If so, I think I'll listen to the doc.
Anyway, I've said everything I wanted to say on this issue and more.
I know that my views are not wrong and Dr' Phil agrees, so that's the most important thing.
As much as I hate these damn threads that send me through the roof, I feel obligated to come and help other women who get ganged up on when they express their hurt on this issue.
I also commend you for giving up the porn, Mit, but it sounds like you've been doing some slipping yourself ;-)

You say that I shouldn't listen to what my guy friends have told me and that's exactly what I expected you to say.

take care.

I meant Hear!, Hear!, I think.

When you have an orgasm when looking at a naked woman other than your wife, it's cheating and I don't give a **** what anyone says. Dr'Phil said it too!!!

You may not agree with me, Beth, but Dr. Phil does ;-)

Good thing I'm not looking for a man because if porn watchers are all I have to choose from, I'm all set.

Comparing Porn to a diet or smoking, in my opinion, is just as good as an analolgy to comparing it to infildelity. Listen to your guy friends all you want, but what they (or I) say is not nessecerilly "fact."

Sure, listen to Dr. Phil, but I bet I could find many a marriage counselor (even some with degrees) who would encourage some understanding when it comes to someone who is trying to give up porn and slips up every now and then.

And no, I haven't "slipped up" in a long time, but I would expect some understanding if I did. No one is perfect, that doesn't make them cheaters.

What about bringing yourself to orgasm while thinking of another women/man. Ever done that? I'll admit it, no shame in my game. Lets hear some honest responses, please!

Just in case anyone missed the article shmookie posted yesterday.


while I'm not a huge Dr. Phil fan, this really helped validate my feelings. Before reading this article I was somehow feeling there was something wrong with me for feeling the way I was)

Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes:


It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.


Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it's gone too far.


Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. It's makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.


Viewing Internet pornography or engaging in cybersex is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.


You need to tell your partner that viewing pornography is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the pornography or the relationship.

Ask yourself or your partner:


Would you do it with your partner standing right there?


Are you turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship? You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so find out if you or your partner have a problem.


Do you justify the behavior by saying, "It's harmless," "Everyone does it," or "It's just the Internet"?


Does it intrude on your relationship?


Which is more important: pornography or your relationship?

No I never have done that. In fact, I have no need to masterbate when I'm in a relationship.

I'm done with this topic, so I won't be responding to anything else.

Take care.

Considering Dr. Phil as an authority on any subject is beyond scary. He's occasionally entertaining, but he's pretty much on the Jerry Springer scale in terms of reality.

I was wonding when someone was going to say something like this, but I just expected someone to call him a moron. Close enough

Now I'm done!

We've had enough discussion on Dr. Phil here that it can't be a surprise.
What may surprise you is that I'm one of the people who defends him - as an entertainer.

You've got to admit mit, Montana's got a point there. When was the last time you orgasmed from falling off the diet wagon?
This thread is turning into an arguement about who's right. There is no right because there's as many opinions as there are people to give them. There are those who view porn as infidelity. Is it right? Who cares. This is how some people feel, plain and simple.
I personally don't know if I see it as cheating, perhaps a mild form of cheating. But what I do know is I felt as if I'd been cheated on.
I would not be hurt if my husband cheated on his diet. I would not be hurt if my husband had a cigerette. He's not perfect and I don't expect him to be. What I do expect is to be the only naked woman in his life.

Well, then your in the upper 1% on the sexual purity scale. But I don't think that's a fair standard to hold anyone else to.

Ok Ok, so porn hurts you alot, and your husband cheating on his diet doesn't hurt you that much. But what hurts you the most really has nothing to do with your husband, does it?

I don't want to get too far off on a tangent, but my wife's family has severe problems with obesity, her father recently died at 50 from a heart attack at well over 400 pounds. Her mother is not far behind. My wife has gained 40-60 pounds in the last year, following the same pattern as her father- age wise. I think that my wife could kill herself with food just like her father did and it scares me to death.

Even with that very real fear, I can understand how difficult it is for my wife to diet/ loose wieght. I can understand when she has a bad day or a bad week. It doesn't mean she is doing it to hurt me.

Some men have a very difficult time resisting the temptation to view pornography. No matter how much it hurts YOU, that doesn't make it any easier for him to stop cold turkey.

I'm with ya, mit.

I'd rather that my fella not cheat in re eating and smoking - cuz one of those two things will likely kill him. Porn is very unlikely to kill him.

I know I'll be angry with him if he develops cancer from smoking, or has a heart attack or stroke from over-eating.

Porn. He doesn't have to watch it, but it's a much lesser evil in my view.