mommaprude to me it looks like youre flogging a dead horse, its obvious things aint gonna work out between you two.hes having his cake and eating it,i know you have kids but what sort of marriagew have you.
get rid of the guy cos obviously he doesnt care about you,go out and find yourself a better bloke .you are wating your time trying to save a marriage thats doomed as his values of you are not what you wish they were.
now this is good advice
I have to admit as a women I do not want my husband to watch porn neither.
BUT, and here a BUT, BUT if I have a choice rather 1) he cheat on me and sleep with other women or 2) let him watch porn, I HONESTLY let him watch porn.
If if it was a case that he seeing another girl behind your back, then confront him, if not, let him go. Not worth it over someone like that.
mommaprude wrote:. It was from his other woman, whom I found out has been with him, on and off , for about 4 years and jpin,...she's in the adult industry, the same one I used to be in, exotic dancing.
why are you so hung up on his porn issues if you used to work in the porn industry
First let me start by telling everyone how grateful I am that you all have posted your stories. It is such a relief to know that I am not alone.
I have been married for 13 years and my husband has always known my feelings about porn and other naked women in general. The idea of him searching for that sort of thing is hurtful to me and he's made it clear that since it's not important to him, it's something he could do without. We have watched videos together in the past. Note the word TOGETHER. To be honest, we'd watch for awhile then get down to business and forget it was still running.
A few years ago I came across porn sites on the cache of our computer. My first thought was that since my brother-in-law had been using the computer it must have been him. I made a comment to my husband about it and he fessed up. I was shocked and hurt. We spent about a week fighting/discussing the issue and I thought it was behind us...until about a month ago. We have our own computers now, and I was using his to upload digital photos when I came across some porn address saved by the autocomplete feature. He thought he'd done his best to hide his surfing. Again I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought it was possibly spam related. When I asked him about it, he tried to deny it, but he's not a good liar and he fessed up. He's been doing it regularly! I was so hurt, I've never felt so low. He tried to turn it around on me, he told me I was not sexual enough (so not true). He told me its a "guy thing". He got mad at me for trying to control him and told me to mind my own business! He's told me to lighten up, and he's said that spanking his monkey to porn is sometimes less complicated than real sex. I feel sick. It feels like he cheated on me. When I asked him to stop he said that's a hard thing to promise because he's got a long life ahead of him. Then he said if he promised not to..then he's giving me all the control. Then he did finally promise but I don't know if I can trust him.
Is it so much to ask that a wife's body is all that a husband needs? He used to watch me undress and make such a big deal and it felt so special. It does not feel special anymore. Now I just imagine all the other bodies he's looked at in the same way and I feel sick.
I'm trying really hard to put this behind me but it's difficult. I've lost respect for the man. Please help.
You know, I sense a pattern here. I think that if more women bothered to keep themselves in shape, and not themselves go (medical conditions aside), I think this wouldn't be such a problem.
I just see way too many middle aged women that are so out of shape it isn't even funny, and certainly not attractive. Same thing is true for the men, but still, I see more fat women than men.
Put down the chips, get off the couch, and shake that thing. Sorry for being so blunt.
cjhsa wrote:You know, I sense a pattern here. I think that if more women bothered to keep themselves in shape, and not themselves go (medical conditions aside), I think this wouldn't be such a problem.
I just see way too many middle aged women that are so out of shape it isn't even funny, and certainly not attractive. Same thing is true for the men, but still, I see more fat women than men.
Put down the chips, get off the couch, and shake that thing. Sorry for being so blunt.
Psssssssst ..... CJ? I hope you have a bullet proof vest after that post.
You can hide out at my house if ya wanna.
Yeah, that was pretty harsh I guess. Maybe I just should have said "take a look in the mirror"? Dunno. But I have never seen a thread posted by a guy complaining about his wife/gf looking at online porn. Have you?
No I haven't .... but they are out there, I'm sure. Men are just better at keeping emotions bottled up.
My x used to get mad at me for watching football. I have been into sports for as long as I can remember and football is my favorite. He said I was just watching it to see the tight asses in their uniforms.
So you can imagine if he ever caught me looking at porn. Actually he loved porn videos and used to drag em out alot when were together. But that was ok cause it was him or him and I together.
I think alot of it does have to do with insecurities. Personally, to me, it's just a bunch of naked bodies - therefore I can't really relate to why everyone gets so upset. BUT - I can still feel bad for someone that does.
You'll notice that most of these women who are upset over porn stumbled upon it after their husband or boyfriend swore he wasn't looking at it. I think it has a lot to do with trust and betrayal. More so than naked women.
Of course, men woudn't lie about it if they weren't asked about it. I've had the same issue. My wife caught me looking at some online porn after accessing the history and flew off the handle. I just quit becuase I figured defending porn watching was pretty hard to do. Over the course of the years, my mouse has wandered a few times. My wife found out once and then it became a big lying, deceipt, virtual infedelity issue. I can't help but wondering what the point of all that fighting was. If my wife had just deleted the history and not said anything, would our marriage really have suffered? Does it have to be such a big deal given that 90% of all men look at it from time to time?
Quote:A few years ago I came across porn sites on the cache of our computer. My first thought was that since my brother-in-law had been using the computer it must have been him. I made a comment to my husband about it and he fessed up. I was shocked and hurt. We spent about a week fighting/discussing the issue and I thought it was behind us...until about a month ago. We have our own computers now, and I was using his to upload digital photos when I came across some porn address saved by the autocomplete feature. He thought he'd done his best to hide his surfing. Again I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought it was possibly spam related. When I asked him about it, he tried to deny it, but he's not a good liar and he fessed up. He's been doing it regularly!
See this is kind of my point. It had been going on for years, and you said you had a perfectly fine relationship during that time. Then you started spying on his internet use, and now its a giant issue. Why not just tell him to delete his history when he's done and let it go?
shmookie
I can completely relate to how you feel because I've been there. A lot of people will tell you that you're getting upset over nothing, but it is something and I understand.
I was talking with one of my ex boyfriends recently who loved the porn as well. He use to tell me all the crap about it being a guy thing and that it wasn't personal, but it certainly was personal and I didn't buy his guy thing bull either.
Anyway, when I was talking to him a few weeks ago, he admitted that it was very selfish of him to put me through that and said he was sorry. He told me that when he said it was a guy thing, it was just an excuse he used to get me off his back and all guys who say this are saying it for the same reason he did. He said it was nothing less than selfish and disrespectful to me and he regrets it now.
Anyway, some woman are not bothered by it and I think that's great for them, but those of us who are hurt by it shouldn't be told to get over it or to learn to live with it. That's simply impossible to do.
(((Hugs)))
Mit
That's easy for you to say!
Ok sure, but don't people let things go that signiifacntly bother them all the time, for the sake of thier marriage? There are probably a lot of men out there who's wifes have put on a lot of wieght, and this may be a big deal to them, but they aren't going to tell their wives to stop eating. Why not? Because wieght is an extreemly personal issue that is likely to cause a lot of hurt in a marriage if one partner realizes that the other has an issue with it. Pornography for a lot of men can be the same thing. It's an extreemly personal drive they have that can be very humilating to be called out on. So you balence the benefit of making something an issue against the harm. Would I rather humiliate my wife and make her even more inscure by confronting her about her wieght, or would I rather live with it for now and see if she eventually finds it within herself to address her problems? I think the same thing can be said about confronting a husband about a little porn use.
mit2727 wrote: I think the same thing can be said about confronting a husband about a little porn use.
"A little" is different from what a lot of these women describe. But I do agree with you to a point. You must pick and choose your battles. Is it about the porn, or something else?
Thank you montana for your post. I've read alot about this being insecurity on the woman's part. I think it is the opposite, it's confidence. You see, in my experience growing up, my father treated my mother like a queen. My father treated me like a princess, with respect and sent me out into the world expecting nothing less. So when I met my prince charming, I had high queenly expectations. Sure, the world outside my door has all kinds of crap the world is going to throw at you, but when you're at home with the one who loves you most, you should be his everything. I'm not just another naked woman, I am THE woman of all his desires. When I found out otherwise, it was devastating. The king was disrespectful of his queen, and it felt horrible.
Maybe it was a cruel form of reality check, but I strongly feel that a wife has every right to the expectations I've talked about. Mutual respect, care for one another, and when someone is hurt and you're the one causing it, stop doing it and make things right.
Yes, you must pick your battles. Is it straight porn, lesbian porn, or gay midget bukkake porn?
shmookiedoo wrote:Maybe it was a cruel form of reality check, but I strongly feel that a wife has every right to the expectations I've talked about.
Queens, princesses
High queenly expectations. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. A reality check was definitely in order.
