Was I assaulted?

I don't know if unfulfilled desire leads to health issues but it certainly leads to a lot of frustration and anger towards other people (usually towards the other gender). However, I think a lack of sexual intercourse has been correlated with higher risks for uterus cancer. I also read recently that breasts that were never 'touched' and never used for breastfeeding involve a higher risk of breast cancer.

If your gf had said she wasn't ready for sex, and you had an agreement about that, but you got on top of her, held her down and forced intercourse on her, would that have been wrong? Of course it would be wrong, you would have violated the boundaries you had both agreed to, and, in the process, you might have caused her significant, and lasting emotional distress.

Why are you so confused? You know she did something to you you didn't want. If you weren't ready to have sex, for whatever reason, there's nothing wrong with that, and this alleged girlfriend should have respected that, and why on earth would you assume, " I'm a guy, so logically I shouldn't have this happen to me"? Are men supposed to be immune to having something unwanted forced on them?

Whether you found the experience physically pleasurable "after a while" doesn't alter the dynamics of what took place--the pleasure is an automatic reaction of your body to the stimulation you were experiencing--but you were still being subjected to an experience you didn't want to occur.

And why did you title this thread, "Was I assaulted"? Is that really your main concern--how should this situation be viewed legally? Truthfully, it's that kind of thinking that makes me wonder if you are describing an actual experience, or simply a hypothetical that would match a female's, "Was I Raped?" inquiry, which we sometimes get at A2K, and which often seem to be hypothetical as well.

Instead of wondering about legalities, or labels, such as "assault" or "rape" I'd suggest you think about your reaction to the experience, how you feel about what happened to you, how it has affected you, and how you regard this woman now, and whether you want to continue to have a relationship with her, given her disregard for your feelings and her need to dominate you. Why would you want to continue a relationship with someone like that? And what has transpired since that night? Are you still involved with her? You fail to mention when these things took place. A few days ago? A few months ago? A year ago? That you don't even mention these things also makes me wonder whether you have described an actual situation rather than a hypothetical.

In addition, you apparently didn't feel, or you don't describe, any feelings of anger toward her the next day, which does strike me as being a little odd, since that would be an entirely normal response given what you describe--you only say that, the next day, she didn't seem to care that you were upset and crying--but didn't that make you feel angry? Do you generally have difficulty expressing or dealing with feelings of anger?

Unless you want opinions about whether this girl committed a crime, which should be reported to someone, and you want to know whether you should report it to someone, I'd stop using legal terms like "assault" to describe it. If I were you, I'd focus on how the experience affected you on a more personal level, in terms of how it made you feel about yourself, and about women, and about sex and sexual feelings, and about trust issues. Taking any sort of legal action should be secondary to finding help to enable you to emotionally deal with this experience in the healthiest way possible.

On the off-chance that this is an actual situation, that you do need to vent about, I'd suggest you seek out a counselor, or therapist, to discuss these matters with.

Answer my question, Chai: what if it was your daughter who had done this to her BF? Would you advise her to report to the cops at once?

Are you asking chai if she'd advise her daughter to go to the police and voluntarily confess to a crime she thinks she might have committed?

I don't get the point of your question.

Not in any and all situation, but in this particular situation, yes, that's what I am asking.

If my daughter or son had killed someone, I would recommend that she/he goes to the cops. If she/he had penetrated a guy or a girl by force, I would to. But not in the situation described in the OP, sorry. I would advise her to seriously apologize to the guy. What would you do?

The point of the question "what if it was your daughter?" is to make this REAL. People tend to shoot very facile advice from the hip around here, forgetting that REAL PEOPLE are involved. It's pretty easy to say "go to the cops" when it's not your kid's life in the balance...

It also assumes Chai's daughter is a sexual predator.

What makes the situation in the OP different than any other sexual act forced on someone, or the person who did that, any less responsible?

in the original post, Travis tells us force was used.

Everybody who rapes, who assaults, who murders ... is someone's child.

Does that mean we should never tell people to think about whether they should report an assault?

Love the PC attempts to turn every young persons sexual encounters into a game of Simon said with one of their future hanging in the balance.

In the old days a generation or so ago no one would need to ask if they had been assaulted/rape or not before we had allowed people to play games with the concept.

you are very wrong about that. many of us questioned whether what had happened to us was rape.

If my son or daughter told me that he or she had sex with someone against their will, I would report them to the police myself.

Yes, even if it was my own flesh and blood.

You're right, ehBeth.

Also, a generation or so ago, there were individuals, both male and female, who didn't feel ready for sexual intercourse, or who wanted to retain their virginity until marriage--and that's still true. And there is no reason these individuals shouldn't have their wishes, and boundaries, respected, and not be forced into a type of sexual activity they don't want, or don't feel ready for, just to comport to other peoples' norms, or expectations, or demands. That sort of thing is clearly a violation now, just as it was "back then".

An interesting claims but not one that I buy into and the very fact that both males and females needed now to ask others on this website if they had been rape or not indicate that there is something very wrong with what had happen to the very concept.

If those who had taken part in the sexual encounters can not judge well after the fact by themselves one wonder how the hell anyone in the middle of sexual heat and likely at least partly under the influence can do so.

With the price of being wrong by others judgments after the fact is being kicked out of school or even the lost of freedoms for many years.

Maybe there should be a service over Skype where legal experts can monitor sexual encounters in real time and can issue warnings if any actions enter the gay area of the laws or as important universities rules.

The universities who are being force to set up parallel legal systems concerning sexual encounters might be the ones who set up this service.

perhaps you'd also like to take a second or two to consider the price to the person who was raped/assaulted and is/was fearful of reporting it

funny (not) how you never seem to comment on that factor

Oh, I think Travis was able to judge that he was forcibly subjected to something he didn't want, and had made clear to his gf that he didn't want. And there is no indication he or his girlfriend were at all "under the influence" or in " the middle of sexual heat ". He says his gf wanted him to "put out" which is why he even agreed to go as far as "second base" with her.

His main confusion seems to be whether he, as a male, was having a normal reaction of distress to what happened to him, having sexual intercourse forced on him, given the myth that males should always welcome sex, even when it's forced on them. He's not asking whether he should go to the police, he's trying to understand his emotional reaction to what happened to him.

There's many things in life that happen that make you ask yourself questions.

Did it really happen like that? Did I have a part in it? Am I making too big a deal of it? As time passes you may question yourself more, and it's good to hear others validate what you know to be true.

Not just on this subject, but on many others.

I've had things happen to/around me that others have just flat out said "it wasn't like that, that never happened" but I know it did. I was there.

1. They are kids, not adults. It is generally considered that children do not have the same legal responsibilities as adults have.

2. They have been involved romantically for some time and have slept together. She pushed their usual necking game to the next level, and should NOT have, but I think the fact that she likes or loves him help explain what she did. If all she wanted was sex, she could probably have dumped him and gone with any other boy who'd be less shy.

3. He was not hurt physically. On the contrary he said that he enjoyed it, although not at first. I don't mean to imply that psychological damage does not matter, but it's not like this girl inflicted massive physical pain on that boy.

It's very easy to look at an OP like that and shoot back: "go to the police". I guess it's what any good computer would do. I am just trying to remain human.