Was I assaulted?

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I (a guy) was in a cabin with my girlfriend, who is pretty physically fit and stuff. It got cold during the night and we cuddled, we've done this before and it's been ok. We've had the agreement that I wasn't ready for sex yet.

Well when we were cuddling she started to grab "parts" of me, I let it happen and then we kissed a bit, this was consensual. (I had to "put out" something she said, so we agreed on second base.) After that I whispered goodnight, but she didn't stop. She got on top of me, covered my mouth and put her elbows on my chest to hold me in place, "Don't you think I'm pretty?" "Trust me, you're a guy, you'll like it." she thought she was being cute I guess, but I clearly resisted and tried to get up I yelled into her palm and everything...

Let's just say I'm no longer a virgin, I'd be lying if I said it didn't physically feel good after a while (not at first), but I cried the next morning and she just acts like nothing happened.

I'm a guy, so logically I shouldn't have this happen to me. Or maybe I'm overreacting?? She's attractive and we're in a relationship so was this even wrong of her?? Was it wrong of me (a guy) to NOT want sex?? I'm so so confused and I didn't know where to vent. Thanks for any input.

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Type: Question • Score: 17 • Views: 13,955 • Replies: 333

@Travis20,

Why is this post tagged 'feminism'?

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@Travis20,

It has little to do with the sexual act. She doesn't and didn't respect your not being ready for sex nor your agreement to wait.

She didn't respect your attempts to push her away and used her body to overpower you. If the genders were reversed, it could be considered a rape, especially if she is a lot stronger than you.

You had an agreement about waiting to have sex, so why were you in a cabin with her and why were you in the same bed? Why did you allow her to start grabbing parts of you and then agree to go to second base instead of getting out of bed? You silently consented by doing that. She should have stopped once you tried pushing her away and said no.

If you didn't want sex, why did you put yourself in such a vulnerable situation with her? You have a lot to think about, including asking yourself why you want to continue being with a person who treats you that way.

I'm sorry this happened to you and that your first time was not what you planned. I hope you will eventually be able to talk with her and tell her how you feel about what she did. If not, seriously consider moving on. You don't need that in your life.

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@Travis20,

"Let's just say you're no longer a virgin...the difference is if you have a hard-on....you can't get it unless excited!!..Also most men can over power females physically .

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@Germlat,

Oops! I messed up the agenda and got a thumbs down...how will I ever live it down?!

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@Germlat,

So you can't be a female, sexually aroused, and still not want to have sex or get raped?

Maybe that's why this thread was tagged feminism.

What a double standard you are using.

1 Reply

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

So you can't be a female, sexually aroused, and still not want to have sex or get raped?

Maybe that's why this thread was tagged feminism.

What a double standard you are using.

Explain how you asserted that conclusion? You're completely misunderstanding what I'm saying.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

I've made 3 statements.

Which one are you talking about?

Seriously Germat, how can you insinuate a man can't have sex against his will simply because he gets an erection?

You don't think a person can be aroused, but not want to have sex? You don't lose your mind or intelligence at times like that.

2 Replies

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

I've made 3 statements.

Which one are you talking about?

Seriously Germat, how can you insinuate a man can't have sex against his will simply because he gets an erection?

You don't think a person can be aroused, but not want to have sex? You don't lose your mind or intelligence at times like that.
[/quote
I think an erection is proof of enthusiasm...then I've never raped a man and been told I had ...also--never had a guy say no...maybe I'm inexperienced
though...maybe I'm a serial rapist and don't even know it LOL

1 Reply

@Germlat,

Yeah..I'm a damn good serial rapist...all my victims came back for more.

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@Germlat,

ok, no more responses from me under you sober up or use your brain.

Really Germat, think about what you're saying.

And you never did specify which of my 3 statements were supposed to be a conclusion.

1 Reply

@chai2,

No...and you don't realize how idiotic you come across....you thought you're statements were a conclusion....there mere ramblings of an addled brain...good luck with that little nurse.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

What little nurse?

Are you confusing me with someone else?

No idea.

1 Reply

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

What little nurse?

Are you confusing me with someone else?

No idea.

That's my pet name for you....

1 Reply

@Germlat,

Um. So you weren't wishing me luck with some nurse? You're saying you think I'm a nurse and you call me that?

Ok, I'll bite. Why?

No what, don't bother. I can't continue this. No answer is going to make any sense.

1 Reply

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

Um. So you weren't wishing me luck with some nurse? You're saying you think I'm a nurse and you call me that?

Ok, I'll bite. Why?

No what, don't bother. I can't continue this. No answer is going to make any sense.

You fit the profile...

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Germlat, what the **** are you doing?

I can't even comprehend how stupid you are in this thread.

Was I assaulted?

Yes, by Germlat. My eyes don't know what to do with the images.

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@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

Seriously Germat, how can you insinuate a man can't have sex against his will simply because he gets an erection?

Some people prefer absolutes. Just because there's a physiological response doesn't mean sex is wanted.

Quote:

In Doboj, Bosnian Serb forces separated the females from the men and then facilitated the rape of some women by their own male family members. Women were questioned as to male relatives in the city, and one woman's fourteen-year-old son was forced to rape her

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_during_the_Bosnian_War

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@Travis20,

Travis, when u ask whether something is right or wrong,
u need to indicate the CRITERIA by which the rightness or wrongness
is to be judged, because according to some standards, something
can be good and by other standards it can be bad.

For instance, if u ask whether Einstein was good or bad,
he might have been good at physics, but bad at singing,
good at mathematics, but a bad husband. Thus, the question
cannot be answered without knowing the criteria by which to judge it.

David

1 Reply

@Travis20,

I'm sorry you had this experience.

You had a physical response, due to stimuli that were unwanted. This girl has no respect for you, your boundaries, or your choices. Remaining in this relationship is probably not going to be a good move for you.

2 Replies

Was I assaulted?

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