Question to married men who have anothe woman

he is in love with his wife?
BULL! He is just bored to tears of this woman. So he needs entertainment.

loves his children?
Depends on the person. Sometimes children just a cover from get involved too deeply with someone else.

his finances
This one is apparently the only one is true

but emotionally needs something else so uses someone else to gain that???
Do you hear yourself?
He loves his wife, children, but emotionally needs something else?

I am finding it to be all wrong.

So...it's just finances. Can you two ( you and your lover make it on your own without your respective spouses?). Surely you can both combine forces and be ok. So for you and your lover it's simply about finances? I doubt it. Some people cheat as a diversion...even when they claim to be in a happy relationship.
Look it up...it happens.

So you are now cross referencing yourself here, not the other lady, she agreed with me.

Are you therefore listening to yourself?

So you are staying for the finances.
The children you love but they are a cover.
And that's the most typical line of a male, "she doesn't give me sex, doesn't understand me, is only there for her kids and my money, she doesn't love me, I'm lonely, I don't deserve this, I deserve to be loved".....

They give out any line that will take you, hook line and sinker.

Wait, that's strange. Women love a strong and independent man, but they fall for a man that's losing their independence? Wow, women really are complicated.

Thank you for the most beautiful, thought-felt message I have ever read. You are right, on every point. I am sitting here, in tears, reading what you wrote over and over.

I don't know how to get where I need to be. For decades I have listened the voices in my head that were real, long ago, but are out of my life now. I still let them control me.

Melissa,

If I touched something, even ever so slight, then it's within you to change and get passed this, print that out then and re-read it over and over daily.

It's not un-usual to feel somewhat lost and definitely empty when in a negative state and this man, well, he's keeping you in that state he knew that you were a target and he's added to those voices.

Go back to a time when you were happy, doesn't matter what age and ask that little girl what she wants to be when she grows up, see her, feel her and believe in her and each night go to sleep dreaming of the things she wants to be, when you wake up, think if you can do those things, maybe it's a skip down the road like a kid, go do it.

Nothing is impossible if you believe.

No one controls you, you do.

If those voices are out of your life, replace them with your inner self, that little girl who is full of life, she lives within you.

What girs?
What dreams?
When I close my eye I can only see his eyes...and the rest of him.
HOW do I 'replace' it with girls dream? (Which I really had none.)
Is there a training course where you can get that skills?

Go back to times when I was happy? Yesterday talking to him! I was happy!
I do not remember being this happy so where I go? How far back?
When I was in love with another guy at 18?

Nothing is impossible if I believe in it?
So we are going to be together???

Where do people get these 'recepies' for others? And have they ever cook this dish themselves?

When my wife died, I put all my energies into my kids. That worked for me, now I quite like being single and I've got a brilliant relationship with my children.

Each to their own, life isn't a one size fits all, but I'm quite happy.

Sorry for your loss but I do not understand what does it have to do with anything said above. Sorry.

You asked how people cope when taken away from a loved one. I told you how I coped, you could do likewise, you've got children.

My loss was just over 10 years ago. I've dealt with it, like I said, I'm happy now.

Oh, that is different when you know he/she is no more.
And it is completely different when you know you going to see him tomorrow and be dying from inability to cope with the fact that you can't be together.
It is self consuming passion that wakes you up on a middle of the night and makes you think you are having a heart attack...and there is hope. And knowing that there is probably not. And at this age it is unbearable at times.
And our children are grown up. But too young for grandchildren. So...to me it is drugs right now (prescription of course) that keeping me from mental institution. I am wondering how long is it going to last.
Thanks and I am so glad you are ok.

I know a woman who had a ten year relationship with a married man. He said he wouldn't get a divorce due to finances( his son was 8 years old). When his son turned 19, he divorced his wife and married someone else. His reason was...he couldn't trust her and wanted a fresh start. Btw--she was single (left her husband for him) and never fooled around on him. The ex-wife slept him him regularly even after the divorce.

Is life all about you Eliusa?

See how I quoted you, replied to you? That means I am talking to you. Only a selfless person would read a post to someone else and mock it but I suspect from your last line:-



You're peeved that I amongst others aren't offering you a solution. Oh yes, we did. Get a Divorce and give it a go and stop using your husband and your kids. See you are different. You don't want out. You want in, literally.



If the "other guy" was your husband, you can't even bring yourself to say that word, therefore you have absolutely no love for that man. If the "other guy" was not your husband, you didn't even mention your husband, therefore you have absolutely no love for that man.. So stop using him..

His paranoia got the best of him. Strangely enough, our fears draw us towards what we wish to run from, much like how Man runs from darkness, but at the same time chooses darkness to hide in.

It's almost as if our fears can pull us towards the Universe's aspects as much as our dreams can. This is a very profound thought to consider.

That may explain why she's so unhappy.

She's living in an idyllic bubble where she thinks she's everything. The lover is more than likely having regular intercourse with his wife. She's angry at her husband for not desiring her. She can't make a clean break because she needs him financially. So she would rather indulge in fantasy than reality

Bingo.

She's experiencing a bad case of limerence.

We've figured it out...I doubt she will. Her needs are too great. She'd rather believe a lie.

I always enjoyed people that enforce high maintenance. It's almost intriguing because they are the lowest when it comes to the scales of humanity. Compensatory contrast simulation, perhaps?

Found Soul,

Thank you, thank you, and thank you! I'm going to print this one out too, read it over and over.

You are right, again, so perfectly right. I buried that little girl at 8 years old when she lost her Dad and her Mom turned into a monster. I killed that little girl, I let her die feeling unloved, unwanted, and undeserving.

I don't know who you are or where you live but I want you to know that you have helped me open my eyes and truly see.