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Spending time online date sites although being married

 
 
Reply Fri 19 Dec, 2014 10:55 pm
Hi,
Thanks in advance everyone for considering my message and replying it.
I am a married woman and I am spending time on online date sites without my husband's agreement.
Why I am into these site is the lack of intimacy between me and my husband after a long term relationship and couple of years marriage. (We have no kids BTW).
I know my behavior is not fair to my husband and I want to stop it but it becomes more difficult day by day.
I think if we regain the intimacy between us I might stop this behavior. So do you have any suggestion for me? How can I stay away from this dating site and how can I improve the intimacy between me and my husband?
Thanks a lot again.
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Fri 19 Dec, 2014 11:00 pm
@redcat11,
Okay, while you feel no longer any intimacy with your husband, you think you'll get that from online dating?
If you are no longer interested in a relationship with your husband, you should be honest with him and cut your ties before you look for someone else.

If you like to remain married then you should try everything to get intimacy back into your relationship. For starters you could talk to your husband and tell him what's bothering you. Go on date nights with him, go to couple counseling to help you understand each other better and work on your marriage.
redcat11
 
  2  
Reply Fri 19 Dec, 2014 11:06 pm
@CalamityJane,
Thank you very much for your reply.
0 Replies
 
Eliusa
 
  0  
Reply Sat 20 Dec, 2014 10:29 am
@redcat11,
Where did intimacy went?
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sat 20 Dec, 2014 06:01 pm
@redcat11,
You have control over your own actions, as do all competent adults.

Delete the account info. Delete the cookies. Go on a social media/Internet fast for a while. Spend that time doing what you used to do for fun before you learned of such things. You know, read a book, spend time with your husband, call your friends, shop, clean, cook, travel, whatever you like or can afford or want to do.

Remove the temptation from your life, and fill it with other things. Should those other things include your husband? That would probably be a good idea, yes?
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sun 21 Dec, 2014 10:37 pm
Tell me - how do you get "intimacy" with an online relationship?

It's not even REAL, for goodness sake!!!

Eliusa
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 22 Dec, 2014 10:06 am
@PUNKEY,
Is masturbation real?
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Dec, 2014 12:28 pm
@redcat11,
Quote:
How can I stay away from this dating site
This one is easy. Get rid of the computer. Problem solved.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2014 04:39 pm
@redcat11,
Quote:
I think if we regain the intimacy between us I might stop this behavior


You've answered your own question.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Dec, 2014 05:07 pm
@redcat11,
You're clearly crying out for help. The only way is to get counseling. Best wishes. I'm sorry for your pain.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 30 Dec, 2014 06:58 pm
@Eliusa,
Eliusa wrote:

Is masturbation real?

Must everything relate to sex....maybe for you!
Eliusa
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 31 Dec, 2014 10:30 am
@Germlat,
I was wondering...how come you had not reply to this?
I thought you fell out of love with me...
And the answer is:
If you got some you might be less bitter.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Dec, 2014 10:35 am
@redcat11,
redcat11 wrote:

Hi,
Thanks in advance everyone for considering my message and replying it.
I am a married woman and I am spending time on online date sites without my husband's agreement.
Why I am into these site is the lack of intimacy between me and my husband after a long term relationship and couple of years marriage. (We have no kids BTW).
I know my behavior is not fair to my husband and I want to stop it but it becomes more difficult day by day.
I think if we regain the intimacy between us I might stop this behavior. So do you have any suggestion for me? How can I stay away from this dating site and how can I improve the intimacy between me and my husband?
Thanks a lot again.



I think you're feeling like you need validation. You need to feel you can still produce an effect as as woman. Who doesn't? Try couples counseling or maybe even telling your husband you feel you have no effect on him....that sounds painful and I'm sorry. What you really want is to be cherished again...Am I wrong?
0 Replies
 
Fabs
 
  2  
Reply Wed 31 Dec, 2014 11:26 am
@redcat11,
Talk with your husband about it before its too late.... Honesty and attacking your issues will do it. I also no intimacy with my husband, started facebook chat and wish I could have stopped it on time... I fell in love with someone else, led to an affair and struggled to do the right thing, finally broke it off when my husband wanted me back and feelings for husband returned, but ater he knew the details and it is maybe too late for me... too much went on, and just always wish to go back to your point, where I started chating.... and wish having been honest with my husband then, but you are on time. Don't let things get worse by continuing a chat... It is an addiction. You are the only one who can end it, and you can do it by talking to your husband everything you are doing and feeling.
0 Replies
 
Violet35
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Feb, 2016 05:15 pm
@redcat11,
By "intimacy" you mean sexual intimacy? Of course, sex and intimacy are not the same thing, but that is the "go to" phrase for serial cheaters. Stop. Just stop doing it. Telling yourself that your somehow entitled to this behavior because "things are no longer intimate" is not OK. It's hurtful and selfish. The men on those sites are looking for hookup sex (and with as many willing women as possible. It's very risky, both in terms of safety AND high risk for STD's) and they are absolutely PREDATORY in their tactics. Respect YOURSELF more than that, and either end it with hubby or get counseling, and work it out. I know, because I DID that, and it almost ruined my life. After therapy, recovery work on my own issues, and getting really honest with my husband, we were able to get passed it, and get healthy in our relationship, but it was SO HARD. It was SO wrong, and I really wasn't in my right mind, but that's still no excuse. I had a ME problem, not a marriage problem. We are one of the lucky ones whose marriage survived such a terrible hit. I can't believe, now, that I even did it, but I did. I am telling you...do yourself a favor, and STOP NOW. All the stuff the men say and promise is complete BULLS&*T, anyway. ONLINE dating sites and fantasy thinking is ALWAYS better than the reality. It isn't real. It's using people, and letting them use you as a pain -numbing drug. Dabbling in the online only thing, will , eventually, lead to an affair, and they are just NO GOOD. Nothing good comes from them. I hope you are able to delete your profile from them, and never go back. I wish you love and light.
Medusax
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2016 05:51 pm
@Violet35,
You took the words right out of my mouth. MOST men and a lot of women, who are on those stupid sites are in committed relationships and are only looking for someone to have sex with or just feel powerful by playing them. I know. My recent ex was doing the SAME thing.
Violet35
 
  2  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2016 07:01 pm
@Medusax,
Great awareness. It's so sleazy. I was acting out on the one for the married people cheating, and well...every single man I encountered (and most were just "coffee dates" and led nowhere, ) were with really scared, but prolific cheaters. I am so glad it didn't last long; that I had a conscience and cared about what it would be doing to my entire family. I mean, it affects your entire family, when you are checked out, emotionally, or when your attention is on covering your tracks and sneaking off. (Ugh. I will probably feel shame for a LONG time to come.) They just wanted sex, but called it "intimacy." It's just so sleazy. I am so grateful I got in to a 12-step program and therapy, and worked on myself. There's really nothing more pathetic than those dating sites- single or otherwise. I don't know what was worse...the married guys , looking to hookup with "WHOEVER," or the single guys looking for vulnerable, lonely, ignored wives.
Medusax
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 08:05 pm
@Violet35,
Well, it is my honest opinion that people on those sites are losers anyway. Consider: I was simply an average person in every way. If I got it in my head to date again, I would not need one of those. If you have to advertise, it means that you have exhausted your options because no one wants you and you have to look further afield.
0 Replies
 
ulinka
 
  0  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2016 02:16 pm
@redcat11,
it is personal, it is how you feel, if you think you want to change something, do it!
0 Replies
 
 

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