Thu 17 Sep, 2015 07:47 am
I have been close friends with a male coworker for 4 years. We hang out a lot, I know his family, I stay the night at his house when I'm in town for business. He is engaged. She also lives with him. In the past 3 years I have also become friends with her. Since we work together and do spend a lot of time together there have always been rumors of us being together. They were never true. Over the years, I always felt sexual tension between us but never discussed or acted in it. I'd say we probably flirt too but I don't know.. anyway. So on Sunday, in sated the night with him, and his gf was out of town. We had a good night, didn't drink, just hung out. When it was time to go to bed , he said in could come into his room for a while and hang out in the bed and watch TV. Well, we got into bed and started cuddling. He then turned over and things started happening. I gave him a bj, but we didn't have sex. After it happened, we both laid there in shock. He kept saying he could believe it and I asked if he wanted me to leave. He said no so we ended up sleeping and cuddling the rest of the night. Two days later I stayed again. He told me it was up to me where I would sleep. I chose to sleep in the bed with him again . It happened again, but this time we started kissing and he stopped and said, he couldn't kiss me or have sex. He then said I could do whatever unwanted to him, but he felt like if he did anything it'd be wrong..so I gave him another bj. Afterwards, we cuddled and slept again. I got up in the morning and left for work. We haven't discussed it. We haven't talked today and his gf comes home today. I feel guilty, confused and just need to know what's going on. Is this an affair? And why couldn't he kiss me but I could do things to him..
@jackieo1206,
It may not technically be an affair, but he is certainly cheating on his fiancee and you are his willing accomplice.
Code:And why couldn't he kiss me but I could do things to him.
In his mind, he figures if he is passive and lets you simply get him off, he thinks he feels less guilty about cheating.
May I ask a question? What is in this for you? Is he going to dump the fiancee for you? If not, then you are simply a piece of meat on the side who is willing to suck him off whenever the fiancee is not available. Is that really what you want in a relationship? And don't even get me started about the possible problems of being involved with a co-worker.
Stop staying over at his house. Even if the fiancee is there, stay away. Until he dumps her you should consider him unavailable. For your own sake.
@jackieo1206,
Yes. It is an affair. The reason why it doesn't seem as though it is an affair is because both of you are putting yourself in these situations and pretending that you don't know what the outcome will be.
He has told himself that he is not doing anything wrong as you are carrying out and action on him all the while accepting the gratification of a bj.
You and he know that you are doing something inappropriate whether you call it an affair or not, as the test would be to discuss the whole thing with his fiance and see whether she believes that it is an affair and find out her opinion on whether he did anything wrong by accepting a bj.
You will have to ask yourself if your friendship has a real foundation or you two have just been denying that you want to be in a relationship together with what his feelings are for his fiance.
Don't give anymore bj's because by doing this you are dangerously close to becoming a 'Side Piece' and getting disrespected. Ask yourself, do you still want to be good friends or a full on relationship and avoid all signs that lead to 'Side Chickville'.
All the best.
@jackieo1206,
He is cheating on his fiancee, and managing to do it without having a relationship with you.
Sweet deal for him. Nothing for you.
Quote: just need to know what's going on.
he's taking advantage of your friendship and sexual interest in him.
___
what are you going to do about this going forward? you are supposed to be his fiancee's friend - you've both abused your relationships with her.
@ehBeth,
And all for about 15 calories.
"he couldn't kiss me or have sex. He then said I could do whatever unwanted to him, but he felt like if he did anything it'd be wrong..so I gave him another bj."
This is so ridiculous, I have to suspect this is a Troll
@PUNKEY,
You can't make this stuff up.
Oh wait. Yes you can.
@jackieo1206,
Most definately an affair. Seems like a silly question. He's in a relationship with another woman and you gave him a blow job and cuddled all night. The deed to done, whether you never do it again, you had an affair and he cheated on his fiancé.
@jackieo1206,
My question is how is all night cuddling had not lead into sex?
So he is not into you. Period.
Save your heart - go away and stay away.
And what is all night cuddling anyway? Seriously!
Guys try and justify affairs.. it’s like by not having actual sex they are not cheating in their minds. It’s definitely an affair. I’m not going to judge what you do but it is an affair.
@Sonic232,
Sonic232 wrote:
Guys try and justify affairs.. it’s like by not having actual sex they are not cheating in their minds. It’s definitely an affair. I’m not going to judge what you do but it is an affair.
Do women try to justify affairs? It seems like you are letting half of the participants of heterosexual affairs off the hook.
@PUNKEY,
Not really, I once had a boyfriend who told me not to be angry with him because he "was just standing there. SHE was the one doing everything."
@jackieo1206,
You are friends with her too. This is the worst part. She trusts you enough to let you stay at her house. The minute he invited you into his room you knew it wasn't just friends - I mean come on! You clearly have feelings for the guy but now have crossed the line. Boundaries were not appropriately set and honestly, you should have never slept at his house as a coworker. Don't do it again...keep it pro and stay in a hotel moving forward!
@jackieo1206,
Wow. You could do all that to him but he couldn't even kiss you, and he is supposed to be engaged. So you hang out in his bed and have oral sex because anything more than that is "wrong" ??? Surely you jest.
Yes, this is an affair. Yes, it's very wrong of both of you and for everyone's sake you should not go to his home again and leave him alone. He is spoken for and just let him get married if that's what he wants to do. I feel sorry for his fiance'. That's pretty sad.
@jackieo1206,
Wow - missed you on this one. You still have questions?
@Mrknowspeople,
She hasn't posted since 2015, I'm guessing he/she is satisfied about life.
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