Frankie baby, you've been a lifelong philosopher/agnostic, so just look at how all those years of indecisive fence-sitting are turning your brain to mush!
Get a grip man, and learn to see things in clear black and white with no grey areas and you'll feel a lot better.
Remember, philosopher Freddy Nietzsche went nutty because of his years of soul-searching waffling, so don't end up like him..
"If somebody says something ain't a clear-cut black and white thing, I say Why the hell not?"- John Wayne