@Eliusa,
I always think when someone repeatedly states something, it's for their own piece of mind, not necessarily the reality.
You both met in your late 20's from the sounds of it and I gather your Husband has a wonderful sense of humour, is a gentleman and a darn hard worker. Perhaps he's always been a bit shy around sex, perhaps the "baby" talk was/is his way to join in. He's obviously worked his butt off in partnership for 30 years you have a house together a child and a pizza place that you state is doing ok. I'd guess that he's trying to ensure you can both retire and enjoy life as to why he works so hard, so many hours off course this place is newish and he can't afford to have someone run it and walk away but he's doing it all for a reason.
I wonder. If you tell a shy boy who is a man, I'm going to have an affair, you speak babyish I don't like it, his ego would fall down to the ground. Sure, he may laugh about it but not deep inside where it counts.
After all you fell for this shy boy that talked babyish and you two are best friends.
I imagine that would affect his sex life anyway, how is he to broach it now?
"I'm not man enough" is the words you are putting into his mind.
I can also see that you will go ahead with this and after, blame him, it's his fault for talking babyish and not being able to rise to the occasion, but you don't realise that by not conversing as a woman yourself, by conversing as a child when speaking to him, that you are to blame for your own self and comments.
So then what, you don't want to be alone but he finds out and kicks you out your daughter sees that you had an affair on her Dad, her Mum and Dad she admires and has grown strength from and belief in relationships at 20, she no longer believes.
Just like that. Up in a puff of smoke. Gone, husband and daughter for lust.
I get at 50 your sexual drive is in over drive.
All affairs end and for the most part "badly", for that quick romp that makes you feel more like a woman than you are feeling, for how ever long it lasts.
Certainly not 20 years in most cases and even if it did, he's married too so every night you'll end up sleeping on your own, rare dinner dates, lonely and asking yourself what you did.
Why can't you work on it, your sexuality with your husband, take control, when he goes to speak cover his mouth with your hand and then kiss him. You'd be surprised what he also may be holding inside, if only he knew his wife could show him how to be with her. Words and laughter don't work, emotional blackmail and put downs don't work.. Taking control and being all woman which is what you want to be, confident and with love can work.
You're setting yourself up otherwise for a major fall.
You won't Divorce because of your daughter, she will dis-own you when she finds out. You won't Divorce because you don't want to be alone, you will be alone when he finds out.
Put your fantasy where it belongs, in your dreams and then re-create them into reality with your husband.
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