thank you for the reply!:
Col Man wrote:
i think keeping it open honest and fun is the best policy and the only way if you want a succesful relationship
getting all serious and jealous and negative like many others do is the sure way to doom and an unhappy ending
i think if it is possible to change him, then you will only do it through loving him the way he is...
what you are doing having an honest and open and reasonable discussion without accusation is definatley the way forward putting him in your position and asking him how he would like it is also a great idea
for his birthday id ask him what he wants, i wouldnt do anything to surprise him too much...
keep talking, communication is the universal solvent...
sometimes reality and fantasy are best kept apart
I agree and this may sound crazy but this is a kind of therapy site for me. I hope no one minds - writing my thoughts down helps me so much, to plan my moves and what and how to approach stuff.
I am pretty sure he looked at porn today as when I came in from work he was a little shifty, shy and very huggy a little guilty me thinks. I had to check his PC although I didn't want to really (fourth time in 5months) any way just looked at it and he has removed all history files completely. Of course I did a BSc(hons) and most of it was PC orientated so I tried a couple of things and low and behold I found .... ONE web site! I know which one it is too, as have looked at it before. Its nothing major so not worried to much and haven't asked him yet if he looked at porn today and as our arrangement is he only has to let me know if i ask. I think today I won't ask I will wait a little bit, give him a chance to be chuffed by my new sexy ideas. ..
1. Am planning on getting a vibrator and using it when he's not around if i know he's used porn. I have already told him i would buy one if he continued with lots of porn - so it was fair that we both had 'satisfying' or 'lazy' ways to masterbate - when i threatened i would before (before I when i was still in shock), he was a bit funny and insecure about me using one as he thought i wouldn't need him. So my thoughts here are I will be open and honest when I've used it and see if i don't want nooky so much and maybe try to relate it to porn...not sure yet how but will see...
2. Am making an effort to lose weight and get fit (Well its for me - if i have to leave then at least i'll fit and self confident to go and if i stay i'll be happier anyway and win win situation!). We have weights and home multi-gym and I have found if I let him decide what exercises are best for me he gets really into it and really likes helping, wearing tight all in ones and getting sweating has lead to a few sessions with my new trainer !! PLUS i'm getting toned. (He was impressed I benched pressed 40kg ..once ha ha but its a start!)
3. I am starting to wear nicer clothes in the house instead of staying in my work clothes - he has noticed. I am also making an effort when I go out anywhere with or with out him. apparantly a couple of his friends have noticed ... and i'm not flirting badly but i am doing breathing exercises to try and feel calmer and happier, hopefully sexier! This month i will add sexy boots, new top and jeans to my wardrobe, plus undies. also updating my hair.
4. I have addressed a few other relationship issues in a really calm way. Asked how I could improve - and actively done something about it.
5. I am taking time for me and not always doing what he expects me to. So far: Have covered him in makeup when he got waaaay to drunk and took picture, in midst of play fight threw water at him, and basically trying to have more fun for me.
result so far:
seems to have kept him interested yesterday he even said do u think i'm boring?
things have definately picked up, i think we were both too used to each other...