Possessive coworker

yes i realize this .. that there were nothing more... and there cant' be. i said putting her in agony means she do find it comfortable with me. i am still the one who listens to her most... still we have friendly fights.. but on any second something can make be jealous...
no i dont blush frequently. but when i feel hurt i cannot hide it .. at that time when she talks i could not respond in the usual way.. that way i am putting her sad too. yes she seems sad to see me down.

the shame part is a man over 35 crying like a child... and for a lady!! really pathetic..
why am i possessive i just dont know.. i feel like losing something. but more often it brings when something unusual things happens . ( unusual means not the way i thought it would.)

you are correct she has nothing to do with it... i know my "taking things" is the problem. but unfortunately i am weak in letting go. I dont want to see something happening which i could have resolved.. ..

i usually feel possessive on friends. but that is i believe the usual way.. like friends telling hi to others than me... or even not marking mails to me where as everyone else receives. etc.. but it wont last long.. i can manage that.
Did i felt the same with other women?. i should not lie yes i do felt it before.. i can count it... like 2-3 times before.
but it was not as severe as this.. i figured out initially that God has given me an opportunity to meet my future wife. before her i could not have figured one. but her style and everything suits it.. i fancy SOMEBODY like her to enter my life..... that was the initial period... then as days go by things moved a bit.. she showed signs that she is interested in me. but i stood strong and calm though i enjoyed it... i never expressed anything other than natural expressions of admiring her.. but then when i felt my freebies are stopped i turned unhappy.
we are still close.. but i fear any moment i can feel unsafe. it is kind of emotional nothing physical.... but now she become a bit stronger to have natural with her emotions..

I think as we get older we either want more, or less. In your case naturally more. That to me is what you are feeling and why your obsession is higher in this instance, with this woman.

You need to get out more, mingle, gain friends, push yourself. If it bothers you that others say hi to someone and not you, it's because your personality is one hidden instead of one being bought out.

i see.. actually i dont know if i am in that list.
I feel like she is so much in control of the situation.. she has feelings but is doing great by not displaying it... not excessive laughing no emotional bursts... very sincere girl.. good personality considerate,loyal humorous.- her husband should be very proud of her.. but i fear that is not the case. and she being a good wife never complain.
i feel i am so late to find her. it is such a sad thing that she is already taken.. i accept that fact.. but one cannot change in few days.. i am going through very sad patch.. i should keep inspiring her.. should not show my love.. at the same time should not look awkward.
She is not happy inside.. but not in work. i never wanted to make her feel sad.. but my own internal conflicts and pride sometimes make me silent and not to return smiles.
i could try making friends.. but i was never that kind of guy. i have very few close friends and what i want is to get her friendship .. to stay like this forever.
let her be in her comfort zone. i want to give her comfort. give my shoulders to drop her garbage.. yet not to cheat.

i dont know if i have personality disorders. but feels like so clingy.. towards some. i can say this since no other girls not even blond or beautiful or hot touches my heart. for me her beauty is internal. the safe distance she keeps even with me is the golden key to her personality

now i have these ways -
#1 keep moving in the same way hoping for the best #2 be her friend and never ever think otherwise #3 give her parental or brotherly care or #5 intrude and explain my love and get rewarded or busted.

another incident happened today. it really gave me some comfort. I was talking to a cute girl and she passed bye. I didnt understand what was on her eyes. but she felt something for that. I was and will not be so private with others now. but there i had a thought .. will i be feeling lessor love for her if happened to see a better girl? or leave her? no way.. for me i have clear place for every one and will never give any other a chance no matter how much friendly or communicative they are.. that thought gave me some relief - since she can be talking with anyone but dont have to be leaving me .. i think possessiveness can be cured with similar guidance.
but the problem is continuously i am searching for clues. either supportive of sad ones

You are probably reading things into her expressions and movements that simply don't exist. You say she isn't happy inside - how do you know that? She might be very happy and quite content with her marriage and the work she does. Why not just settle for being a friend to her. It doesn't sound as if she wants anything more out of the relationship.

Found Soul is right - you need to work on your own life skills and build up some healthy relationships - obsessing over one person who is out of reach is a waste of your life - get out and make some friends.

It was a hit on face.. what you said is not incorrect.. but this should not be the way..
yes i am settling down being a friend.. i told you so earlier too.. but i should have preferences.
and you are wrong in one thing.. obsessing over out of reach.. she is a hand away.. and if i try hard i am sure i can go beyond anything. means anything. but that is another thing.

for that i need to make her cheat her husband. her kid.. my colleagues.. everything.. no i don't want to do that. my search here is to find a make an analysis of my mind set and guide it to a better way.

How easy you people can tell build up some healthy relations.....
i do have friends.. and still i am appreciated at work. and people reach out for me for help.
then obsession.. i dont know the meaning of obsession. but for me it is possessiveness.. i feel like a child i worry and impatient

What you are saying is that you won't ever leave her and you will wear the broken heart on your sleeve.

But what you will do is work hard within yourself to only be a friend but you are battling that with your heart and with the demons

If both love, she will leave "one day".

But to wait for this day is wrong, one must move on and what ever happens in life will happen, you can not change that.

The friends you should be looking for are outside of this including flirting with the young lady that you spoke of this is the natural way of doing things.

thank God you can read ma mind.. you are so kind. you are looking deep in one's heart..
it is exactly what i feel things are moving.. i am taking time to settle down.. i know what my heart says and what brain restricts. there is conflicts that drove me here... i believe that can be solaced by helping hands..

but to me i dont show my emotions easily... even to her.. and i wont me showing my sorrows too to anyone.. not said a word till now to anyone than spreading out here...but my body language might showing it but that too only to her


i am the weaker of two us.. i am clingy she is often so cool.. and not expressive.. but is a good listener and considerate.
she frequently checks my face and however hard I try to hide the blues she's able to capture..didnt sympathize so far though. in fact she seems checking out the things that trigger it. that is what makes me feel that she knows me well.. knows that i love her more than anything else..
whenever she participates in jokes with a particular guy she glances me. (and yes there is the jealousy me i wish if she could stop talking with him). I can understand if she feels so rubbish of all these.. and will never complain even if she start blaming me the way ms. coworker, the topic stater , does.
she can say i am so possessive of her. not letting (not forcefully but i keep silent at times and i could not adjust) her interact with others. always talking to her always looking at her.... and so on

on the other hand if she wish me to intrude more... i am more than happy to do so.. but didnt express it so far..

is there any checklists to find out if i am in love with her or it is just infatuation or it is highlight of the jealous with my competitor?

Yep. This is not Romeo and Juliet and even if it was, they held hands, kissed and knew each other to the core or Adam and Eve and they too went right down to the core

In-other-words. Only two people that can spend day in and day out, can be intimate with the mind, heart, soul and body day in and day out can profess true love.

The rest is lust, as you venture wondering, dreaming, fantasising and falling.

Often we wont what we can't have. You have been here before, think back, you have often felt like this, only this lady is deeper for you maybe because she is cautious and watching your expressions which you hide, in-case she totally realises and then, backs off.

A friend is a friend. What you have found is "type" in-other-words the type of woman you want to be with.

So now go look for that "type" .

I can not debate on that.. i am less experienced in defining love..
But i know one thing.. i can see only two eyes everywhere... it is the only thing i wish to see around. i wish if i can stay with this forever.
i do fear since time can change anything..... what if i need to move on? or what if she is forced to? oh.. .when i look back things have changed so much... but i wish to see this going through...
how came she move to my place and joining from far far distance? was it destiny? or just coincidence? or is it a way to show me what i like? yes now i know what "TYPE" i really wish to see as ma wife.. .. yes it was a good lesson..
I prefer her or close to her in everything.. character, gestures, tin & flat but beautiful... (her beauty is inside)
I wish to stay with her.. but not yet started whimsically lusting around. in fact her friendship changed my world.. no porn no mastur..... nothing bad.. turning out to be a gentleman
I feel like i have never been like this never ever. i am a bit worried too on that. her age/marital status... / fear of losing her/
I wish to speak with her alone. in a garden.. and dont wany anybody else interfere.. just be in our own world.. nothing more... nothing more.. i know she is not happy for some reason. i want to help her come out.. and have a better life.. without compromising on anything. i will be her friend.. she will be with her family..
but the heaviest things are my colleagues.. they are intruding .. it is like somebody else too found soulmate in her

the day has come which i feared most... yes nothing different.. am i so much talented to predict things? or i made things this way? dont know..
for the first time she complained in anger that i am irritating.. How sad..
she said i am over burdening her.. where as all i wanted was to get her some exposure in all areas.. so that she can stand in her own. poor girl she doesnt understand this..
for sure i will have to face double tragedies.. first trying to maintain same calmness else she may said i am punishing since she complained. and second cry out in silent and not to show the world that i am weak.. the boat has finally sunk deep.. .. how much i tried to float it... no use.. so idiot.. so mad so useless. stupid..
how come i be emotionally so weak and she could stand straight
i should have kept away so that it wouldnt happen..
it should happen.. it is fate. i have left the world for her and now will have walk alone..

She has a heart.
She was as kind as she could be in knowledge that you liked her but figgered you would get over it.
She is now not being polite. She is now letting you know that you are obsessing and she does not like it, so kindly stop it.

You do not understand this, she understands perfectly.

There is no rule that states a man can not cry, in-fact we are all human and crying helps us.

Do not call yourself stupid. You thought you could hide behind something and pretend. People can read body language as well and so, you could not pretend.

Time to move on silent. She is married and she is obviously happy and this girl is not for you.

Go find yourself then someone to "add" into your life.

Seems got away today..
I saw a pair of tensed eyes . I kept polite and soft and didnt behave in so called revenge. i smiled and threw jokes.
I accepted my fate.. by the way i still wish she keep me as her best friend. she is still my admiration.. yes i am obsessed. but i fear she is uncomfortable of it only.. the fact that people may find it odd. I could have easily gained any good girls with half efforts i have done on her. I am not looking for somebody to be on my bed. if all i want is that i could have found ways to intrude without any sort of sincerity .. but the story is a bit different here.
she likes smiling persons.. and she smiled with my jokes. (the unhealthy me is grilled in side ..but felt so happy for her.. sadly the message i conveyed is that i can be offended and i keep friendly)... likewise she will smile at any jokes...
may be i do not understand and she understands or what even i understand is erroneous

likewise friends especially @FoundSoul
Please dont misunderstand my intentions.. I like this girl who's married- it not my or her fault that she got married. that is a separate issue. (yes at times i fell for her deep but that is the long way i know) but my long run intention still is

i see lot of good things around her. i feel comfortable being with her. I am learning new things from her. asking her advice on all things. she is an active supporter.. she repeats the last word we tell her.. as if t promote us. since we work together i need to find a solution.. to act as a genuine person. and never get grudge over her being friendly with my opponents. it is just easy to ignore her and shine on my own since that is what i am good at.. (this i found lately) and as regards she is considered she is centered and self confident a bit selfish somewhere but very friendly with all of us..

isnt there anybody? who knows how to carry on with a broken heart? and be friendly with a person?

and another part of the story why should i spend my time and energy behind such a small thing?.. i could have flirt with the other girls around. why i kept them away was not to make her painful.. i am sure if i ignore her she will end up being nothing (?) compared to me.. i am not proud to say that but feels the sympathy. i am pretty sure if i start talking with at least one girl the woman in her will come out. nobody will like to see friends in that way for sure..

so please nobody advice me on seducing or flirting with her.. Just show me how to be a perfect man to accept it
please.. please i mean it