Possessive coworker

I think you need to step back and read, in consecutive order, what you have written.

;D
Yes it is true. Even talking to all of you since morning has kept me off of texting him in response to his texts and i just answered work related texts. This is a win in itself! Will be back for more support as things progress.
I have a lunch with him this week to discuss work stuff and hopefully that will be the last. No more one on one lunch appointments.

Hi Ossobuco I am sorry - i did not understand what you said. You mean my last post? Am I missing a pattern that you are helping me understand?

I also forgot to mention that I have an international work trip coming up with him next month so want everything resolved by then. Keeping fingers crossed!

I don't know what I said when, and am busy burning up the kitchen, but I'm fairly uggy on all of you being couples pals.

I SEE

Fear. So you are frightened you are going to over step the mark, that he will be manipulative, that the "fantasy" you are having in your dreams will come to a reality right?

Don't do it

I will lose my job if I don't go.
Yes I am afraid of what he is going to do, and how I am going to respond- again emotionally. Even a friendly hug is bad news in my opinion.
Good news is that I am staying in a hotel and he is staying with his family in that town (whew!). I am just not comfortable with the traveling part. And if I get this stuff sorted out before that life will be good. Wishful thinking!

Thank you Ragman. I will look into counseling. I would love to resolve this asap

There's only one person that can clear this up, you.

Weigh it all up, an affair "of any sorts" verses your marriage, or loss off due to it.

If you can get your head around your heart instead of excitement, then you can go away with full knowledge within yourself, that it's "ok", because you are married, and love your husband.

If not... then you will do what you will do. Which is a shame, as everything needs work in life as well as a real chance.

is there a good reason to have a work-related meeting over a private lunch?

I'd recommend that you start by cancelling lunch and providing him with 2 or 3 times during work hours when you are available to meet - at work.

he is your work colleague.

I think you need to focus on that reality. He is one of your colleagues.

It is not your responsibility to be his friend.

I don't understand your fear.
What are you all so afraid of? I don't think this guy is mister trouble. You seem to not have ever been introduced to trouble. Might even be interested.

Or maybe she wants to explode her marriage, not admittedly, but really, before even she knows it.

From what I read, I've no idea how this will go, but I'm guessing calm.

Fair enough. I am focusing on my husband

Thank you. I will do that

I am also thankful that you are able to help me without being judgmental. Thank you tons for that

Hi coworker I am not sure if you could see this post- what i am afraid of is-1) if I get emotionally involved and bad things result interfering with my marriage or his or 2) if he is manipulating me, or 3) if I get invested in the friendship that I am not able to let go regardless of consequences or 4) if this is an addictive pattern that I am developing. I am worried about the future. Right now I have things in control. When I look at the internet and look at definition of things ranging from emotional affairs to borderline personality disorder (him) everything seems to apply. My job is stressful enough without these complications. I tend to get burned out with others' emotional issues (one of the main reasons I did not go into counseling) and highly empathic. I am not sure if I explained enough but these are my issues and my fear results from this.

At some point you are going to have to curb his manipulative behaviour.
You seem clear and level-headed.
I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

Co-worker,

Sorry, but I am going to confront you on all accounts. You are BS-ing your own self and have rationalized and minimized this whole affair (YES, it's as bad as a real affair) You have worked VERY hard to keep this thing alive!!

Why don't you just admit you are really getting off this entire "relationship" - and he is too? Both of you are addicted to all the excitement and fun. Only you are playing with fire.

There is nothing more that anyone can say to you. You say you have everything "under control" but I really don't think so. Things will escalate into something you really don't want to happen. You and he will end up hurting yourself and other people and loosing your spouse, for sure.

Thank you Panzade the assurance helps