Possessive coworker

Hey Silent.

I think the situation is what people reply to and assist a person, like Von said, I don't think it's a case of "females get sympathy" not if they are the person causing pain to someone else.

It's difficult being in the middle.. Feeling abandoned and sometimes loved and sitting silent on your own, no one to tell, talk to.

Are you saying that she is arguing with her "husband" and getting stronger and you believe that she will one day come to you? Or that you two are just friends and she talks to you, leans on you and says thank you and you feel loved.

I'm really not sure where you are at. What have you informed her off, what you feel for her?

Sorry for the questions

STOP this relationship,NOW!
Otherwise you'll be beyond redemption sooner or later!

And get a cough in his throat?

lets leave him. we dont know much about him.. but from my angle he should be consulted before predicting..
yes i am genuinely interested. but i dont know how to answer your very straightforward question..i should think on this.. still i am not sure what exactly i want.. .
if i can read her mind things could have been so easy too

thanks a lot for that.. it is so calming when there are people who showers sympathy.
i said she started arguing with me.. as far as i know they dont have any deep contacts. and i dont want them to part too..

When we ask questions of others, we so often know the answers already. I think that you know the answer - and you don't need to read her mind - you are close enough to have a good idea of what she thinks and feels. As much as anyone can read the innermost thoughts of another human being.

You need to clarify your own thoughts and decide just what it is that you really want from this relationship. You won't move forward until you do. And I have the feeling that you are pretty anxious to move forward now, no matter how flippantly you treat the subject.

There's an old saying.

"If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you, they're yours, if they don't they never were."

She is more than likely arguing with you but also herself. She more than likely doesn't want to part with him either and you may very well be the stepping stone for them to work things out.

If not.....

Then you can see above.

For your own sanity, I would walk away. See how things pan out because I promise you, where we fall in love once, we fall in love twice.

i thought i knew the answer. but it is like a dilemma. things turnaround as each seconds passes by. i know excess possessiveness is caused by insecurity still could not control that. the fact is i still couldnt read her mind. she is really happy to be with me. talks easily when we are alone. glances at me many times ... like I do.

what i am trying here is get my thoughts clarified.. somebody impartial can explain it.. i was so happy and talking with all my colleagues.. but now I have limited that... now i am forcefully controlling my interactions with other women. am anxious to move forward but till want extend i dont know. it might be childish to say that i want to be with her and donot hoping for sex and all. but that is the real thing. i dont want to cheat or want her to cheat her husband either. i will not break her marriage too..
it is very strange and rare here that people change spouses so often and odd to marry second time.


@FOUND SOUL
"If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you, they're yours, if they don't they never were." --
but in real life this can change.. it is when we communicate more we get more closely.. waiting to turn things will only leave one in false heaven.

i still could not cipher the last line can you brief me please?

I think we are starting to see the 'real you' now. At first you sounded as if you weren't particularly serious about this person - to be honest, I wasn't too sure quite what to think, but tried to give you the benefit of the doubt ..... However, I now feel that you are a pretty unhappy and confused person when you are away from her and alone with your doubts and fears.

Although I might be very wrong, I don't see this friendship ever moving on to anything deeper, but I have a feeling that a deeper relationship is what you want? Cutting yourself off from conversation with colleagues will only isolate you more - you need to reverse this move, and try to make more friends, meet more people of the opposite sex. Don't invest all your hopes and desires in this one married woman unless you are prepared for the hurt and unhappiness that might be waiting for you - for both of you - if it continues.

You say you don't want to break up her marriage - but has she given any indication at all that she shares more with you than just a warm and nice casual work relationship?

Without knowing more about you both, it's hard to try and help you clarify your thoughts. But believe me, I do feel sorry for you in your dilemma - it's not easy to care so deeply about anyone.

If your culture is one whereby, it is rare for a marriage to end, the parties just stay together regardless of happiness or un-happiness let alone a second marriage, you may be the "Emotional support" feeding her other cravings non-sexual..

I do not know silentwatch if you should consider being that person, in your heart of hearts it breaks you slightly as you develop feelings.

If you do not wish to break the marriage, she may also not wish to for saving face, Family... But you can not be that person that forfills areas that she is missing in her life by either her choice of marriage or that of her family.. Unless you see her only as a sweet thing with no feelings on your side, which is not the case.

You seem like a good man. There are many lonely women and a good majority are single. You deserve to utilise that energy the right way, in the right place and time.

I hope that made better sense for you .

On the last note.



Yes, but absence makes the heart grow fonder too. You suggest that maybe if you keep giving her emotional love you will get closer and maybe she will leave yet you state you do not wish for this. You feel if you let her go and wait you will forever wait as nothing will come of it.

Do you feel your emotions are scattered and finding it hard to decide which way to go?

I do not fear to be exposed here unless it does disclose my privacy.
if i move forward what will happen I dont know. and i am on the verge of that isolation. Now all my thoughts revolves round her... i don't even mind changing the relations as just close friends / understanding co-worker. still could not fix it.. fearing of mistakes. regarding adding friends i feel i should not make her sad by seeing me more comfortable with them. she never explicitly conveyed any signs of sadness. But I just couldnot bear that. This is what the real problem. You know what? i came here and found this. then only i found out that i am possessive about her. yes i felt is very uncomfortable male colleagues talking with her... The discussions almost broke my heart. but kept reading entire thing.. though it was very late night.. or even early morning..

I just imagined she claiming those as coworker.... she claimed him looking at her in a meeting with a sad eyes and she could manage to getaway. But i am sure if she starts doing so it is easier to ignore her at once.. may be it will take few months...

no she never indicated having a hard time with husband. and our subjects never went beyond decency.But it is more than just a work relation ship. May be she is getting happy with me. except at times when i blush as i compare her words with my life. at those times i couldnot keep a happy composure. i can see it in her eyes. (it is really another topic which i want assistance. why do i pale? when in a team )

yes people around here saves marriages. they do consider about family.
But since i had (some) feelings for her and she is working with me. I had to set a relation.
but the funny fact is i never had such deep thoughts about any other.. it was like matching so many parameters that i unknowingly set.. and I could not set my dreams on other women. - it is okay for flirting or thrilling but for a relation i could not do that.

yes i do feel so and finding it hard how to move forward is she wishes to node. or how should i step back if she is against it..

the line i mentioned to brief was.
"For your own sanity, I would walk away. See how things pan out because I promise you, where we fall in love once, we fall in love twice. "

This is lovely.

I also see "For my own sanity, I should walk away. See how things pan out because I promise myself, when I love myself more, there will be more love to give to someone else".

You may have to wait for her to tell you if you need to back off or move forward but remember, it's possible that she needs you. Your emotions. Something missing from her life but will never walk, as marriages are saved.

Lovely indeed just when i understood the meaning!!
Yes i can see what i should do to make one love me back.. i should start loving me.. real eye opener

thanks..

Strangely you don't need anyone when you do but you still "want" but you won't settle, instead you'll find a match..

Best wishes silentwatch keep us posted please.

Found Soul is right in what she says. It does sound as if you need to love yourself more - and to learn just what it is you want out of life, and out of this relationship. Are you deliberately chasing something that is out of reach simply because you are afraid of a real relationship - perhaps you realise that a romance with the person you are pursuing isn't ever going to be a viable option, but you perhaps don't really want a relationship? Some people are afraid of getting involved too deeply with anyone and they use avoidance tactics - like falling in love with people who they secretly know will never be available to them. Or they want a romance that is full of intrigue and drama - not a down-to-earth relationship with all of its pitfalls and flaws.

Perhaps you haven't yet worked out just what it is you want - I get the feeling that you don't really know yourself.

Please keep us posted silentwatch.

sorry friends.
I was so engrossed that i couldnt even think about who are answering.. i didnt know where you people are and what gender you belong to. i just took it as all of you are male members . sorry if i offended any of you with my any comments.

the fact is that i lost the connection with anything else. Couldnt bear this anymore. it is taking me down.. i am looking embarrassed even before her too. still wonder how can she manage to tackle her emotions.. she at times utters something. then leaves it all.. and keeps silent for some time.. again leaves it all.
I know the image i had.. some somebody mentioned here... a good guy .. yes i tried to be very nice.. but i know things wont work..
i dont want to be like this anymore.... the whole day i was sad.. it is just simple things but it all makes me so possessive that keeps pricking my heart with so much of pain
I feel like walking with head down...nothing enters my head now.
now not even able to read and understand what you are mentioning.

I fear telling this open i dont know how exceptional people will find it. knowing being in love with a mother. not even telling her... sometimes she keeps looking at me... i dont know what to do... real pity. I tried to be angry once. but in vain..
i read "be yourself".. but i dont know how to be... could not control my mindset..
it is such a simple thing that one should not try to be in a relation that isnot
pursue able. but i came to such a mould that it is not possible for free thinking. I wanted to keep a jerk away from her.. but he is such smart that with ugly jokes pierce through anything. I know he is not to be trusted (there are other things behind smiling) but seems she likes pleasantness more... he gains where i loses... like pulled down from a hill.. but how can i ask her not to be with him?... who am i to ask..
i know i am possessive about something that idont even possess. but can't help .. feels like crying. but i dont dare to do it.. since i am a man.

I want to walk back.. I want my happiness back. else i will be putting her too in agony. is there any way to stop feeling this way? and be just good friends? i want to smile and tell jokes... be pleasant and helpful.. i dont want this kind of aloof.. i feel i am selfish that i only think and consider about me.... but i am terribly down. as days go bye..
help me to overcome this.. i just want to go back in time and start afresh without this possessive feeling..
will i ever be a second chance?

There is no shame in seeing a man cry.
There is no shame for a man to cry.

You have to ask why you are possessive.

I do not believe that she is the cause, rather you are the cause. I believe that you want so much and when you want so much you become possessive. Tell me, this is not the first woman you have felt that you have loved, correct? And, she will not be your last.

Do not dream, come back to reality, life and all it has to offer because the dream that you have, is out there, somewhere else.

Don't you think you are perhaps over-dramatising the relationship between yourself and this woman? From what you say, the only relationship with you (from her point of view) is a man she works with who she finds easy to talk to, and who blushes violently when he speaks to her. I can't see how you will be 'putting her in agony' by being miserable.

It sounds as if you have a big crush on her and it's making you unhappy. Frankly I cannot see how you are controlling her in any way at all? Am I missing something in your posts?