Possessive coworker

I pine away for those fire alarms too

hahaha

I do miss those nice jammie/robe sets. I was inspired by William Powell in The Thin Man series.

I know what you mean.
Myrna Loy inspired me to have my first Martini at 2 PM.

Have you returned from your trip yet? How did it go?

Hi Vonny
Just returned and the first thing I did was log on. The trip was very good. Nothing like I feared. He mentioned about how much he loves his wife and was very respectful of our distances although we were traveling the entire time together. in some odd way I feel more comfortable with him than I did before the trip. That was a BIG relief that I did not have to deal with any awkward situations. Thank you for checking. May be he gets crazy only at work?

Hi coworker,

That's great news! I'm truly glad for you that things went so well on your trip. It must have been daunting for you to set off - not knowing quite what to expect - but it sounds as if it has all turned out for the best. I hope his new attitude towards you - calmer and less controlling - continues at work too. But you coped well with the trip and all the uncertainties of what might and might not happen - so you ought to be able to use your new-found confidence to cope better if he reverts to his old ways!

Don't forget, we are always here if you need advice or reassurance.

Thank you Vonny. The big difference was that there were no other coworkers or friends on the trip so these issues did not arise. The key is if this is going to continue when I continue to talk to other friends and coworkers at work. I think the no contact prior to the trip set off a very strong signal in terms of what was acceptable and not. I could not have done this without the support of the folks in this forum. I will keep you all posted. Right now I am not implementing No contact but also not going out of my way to be friends. Right now it is like any other coworker and let us see where that takes us.

Good luck. I hope everything continues to go well for you at work.

Wishing everyone a happy new year. Just wanted to check in and say that everything is going well. We continue to talk generally but the craziness and emotions is not there. Whew! To be honest I think he is not acting crazy jealous anymore and from my side I feel emotionally disengaged, which is great. And I have stopped worrying about what he is thinking. I have taken off the limited contact rules so we meet when we meet, chat generally about work in our office or work so it all seems to go well. Thank you all for your support.

Happy New Year to you too, coworker. Glad to hear from you and to know that things are running smoothly now. You seem to have handled the whole matter really well - let's hope this 2014 a good year for you.

Way to go. We're glad you're here on this site.

hello.. can you please give us an update on this?
i am in a pretty same situation. though on the other side

We can only presume that all is going well for coworker as there haven't been any further updates. Hope so anyway - always good to have a successful conclusion.

You say that you are in the same sort of situation but on the other side - that can't be very easy for you. Would it help to talk?

my God it is a new term for me.. borderline personality disorder
thanks... @coworker i should check my levels now

of course
I feel the same character... but may be a bit differently only in circumstances..
i am single.. my intrusion is basically a lustful. but dont exactly sure about it.. i will go for result oriented objective. means if it works that way iwill sneak in else will be good friend ( )

but that BPD referred helped me to analyse myself a bit..
thanks for concern

Being single means you are looking at things from a wholly different perspective from coworker and the man she worked with. Do you work with the object of your interest - are you a coworker too?

no i am rather that friend who is manifested as the intruder.
everything ditto.. she is married have a good (? not sure.. she is a bit silent on that part) but sure she likes my company. she talks more with me. knows that i admire her.. and we fight with every word we utter... it was funny initially.. but as days passes it is moving us to another island.. me engrossed... she dont know where..
everything else is same.. only exception of being single..

Sounds as if you have everything under control for the time being. But the very fact that you posted here seems to indicate that you aren't happy with the present arrangement ...

hi,

yes you are right.. i am not happy with whole thing. I am sure time has healed coworker or she has settled things on her own.
I read the entire conversation.. and I know how far i can get blamed for.. since all opinions were either digging down or affirming how manipulative a person can be when he fell deeply in love.. i don't forget this too that since she started the topic .. everybody else helped her floating..
But feels those words are pretty one sided. i don't know if this is good if nobody is hurt. it is also common that females get sympathy.

As in my case i was straightforward. given her all help she need to sustain early period. kept (still keeping) her updated on all past events that will help her in future. made sure she is informed about everything and everyone.
but our relation has not moved to that of coworker.. but the boat is surely rowing towards.. she is now confident and started arguing ... but i am going to blame myself.. nobody else
by the way i have ruled out the borderline theory.. i am not on the border.. i become close to people and have mood changing.. but that is only two ways.. either feeling being loved.. else left alone.. and i always manifest it with silence. nothing more...


thanks that you have asked that. you know how horrible it is when we are left alone... and tell nobody but yourself.

But was he deeply in love? Or simply someone who was very controlling and manipulative, taking advantage of his coworker ... that's a totally different kettle of fish.

It sounds as if you are genuinely fond of this person, and torn between being a friend and someone who is supportive and kind to a woman you know pretty well, and wanting the relationship to go a lot further. Has she given any indication that she has even considered ending her marriage, or - and you might not like this question, is she using you for her own ends?

What do you really want/expect from the relationship - what do you think she really wants/expects from it?

And yes, it is horrid to be alone when you need to talk. Talking things over can help you to clarify your thoughts and enable you to come to decisions, and sometimes to move on or go in a different direction.