What would you do?

I know you don't care! It's only natural to lose your appetite and want to sleep day and night. But you must force yourself to eat. Like I said, getting sick will only make you feel worse.

Edit: Antidepressants have been lifesavers for me and several other people I know. They give you mental clarity...essential at these times.

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Camille wrote:

I did make an appointment for Monday with an actual doc for medication management. I hate the damn antidepressants but I think I need them this time.

Please don't hate the antidepressants. When I was going through severe depression, they were a Godsend. Without them, I could never have worked through my situation with the psychiatrist. They will clear your head and allow you to begin thinking, working through, planning a future and take care of yourself.

Until next Monday, I actually think that sleep may be a good thing for you. Your mind and heart/soul gets a break from your sad reality for a time.

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Eva wrote:

I know you don't care! It's only natural to lose your appetite and want to sleep day and night. But you must force yourself to eat. Like I said, getting sick will only make you feel worse.

I don't think there is anything that could make me feel worse. Crying or Very sad

it isn't fair that it doesn't kill you. That your heart breaks and you still are breathing. When the heart breaks it should stop beating

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My heart has been broken before. I will never forget how it feels. I also remember getting deathly ill on top of the heartbreak, and yes, it was even worse. Please take good care of yourself right now, Camille. Even if you don't care. Try to remember that although what you're feeling is so intense that seems it could never end, it WILL. Intense feelings always do.

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What the goddess said.

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Eva wrote:

My heart has been broken before. I will never forget how it feels. I also remember getting deathly ill on top of the heartbreak, and yes, it was even worse. Please take good care of yourself right now, Camille. Even if you don't care. Try to remember that although what you're feeling is so intense that seems it could never end, it WILL. Intense feelings always do.

How do you get over 20 years?

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Very slowly, sadly, Camille. And one day at a time.

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20 years?

That was something I had wondered about, didn't want to ask. That means even more of general guilt that we've talked about is focused on you, Camille.

Eva and dlowan are giving you great advice. I'm so sorry you're in this awful situation.

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sozobe wrote:

... and then his teacher says, "Jim needs some time to be sad."

...

I had no idea it had been 20 years. WOW. Oh, my.

And I agree not to neglect the basics. I know it sounds trite, but you need to eat right, get enough sleep, get some exercise, etc. But you also need time to be sad. A lot of us are often bombarded with messages that go something like, "Suck it up! Get over yourself! Get past it!" Well, getting past it is the goal, sure, but it takes some time to get past it.

This, too, is a journey. Let us come along. We've all got our walking shoes on, and have our backpacks packed and our walking sticks with us.

What I'm saying, inelegantly, is: we want to be here for you.

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jespah wrote:

This, too, is a journey. Let us come along. We've all got our walking shoes on, and have our backpacks packed and our walking sticks with us.

What I'm saying, inelegantly, is: we want to be here for you.

Oh God, I'm overwhelmed! Crying or Very sad

Thank you so much for your kindness.

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sozobe wrote:

20 years?

That was something I had wondered about, didn't want to ask. That means even more of general guilt that we've talked about is focused on you, Camille.

Not sure what you mean.....

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This is going to seem weird, but waiting to listen to the president is really making me feel anxious and fearful, like I'm not going to be safe or be ok by myself.

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Your emotions are on edge, Camille. They're raw. They'll react to most anything right now. That is normal. And that is exactly why you shouldn't make any major decisions right now. Have a nice cup of herbal tea and relax tonight. Everything is gonna be okay.

(((((HUG)))))

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Camille, just in terms of the timeline -- how long you have been together, when he broke up with his wife.

We're definitely here for you.

And I know what you mean about Bush. I have no TV, and I'm glad. (Though I feel duty-bound to read the transcript, no matter that it is sure to result in hair-tearing, teeth-gnashing, and fist-shaking.)

You're going to be safe and OK by yourself, though.

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sozobe wrote:

Camille, just in terms of the timeline -- how long you have been together, when he broke up with his wife.

In the early years he was going to leave a number of times but couldn't deal with not being with his kids. It has been 7 years since he finally moved out, when the kids were off to college.

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Eva wrote:

Your emotions are on edge, Camille. They're raw. They'll react to most anything right now. That is normal. And that is exactly why you shouldn't make any major decisions right now. Have a nice cup of herbal tea and relax tonight. Everything is gonna be okay.

(((((HUG)))))

Your quote on your signature seems to sum up how I feel.

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Well today was interesting. I confronted my therapist about what happened last week and how betrayed I felt by her. It's like I'm a child and she was making my decisions for me by not allowing us to talk and just ending things so abruptly.

I kept asking her- if he wanted to end this since last December, why did he keep calling and showing up, why did he spend nights and weekends, why did he keep saying he loved me and we'd get through this and be together? This happened all the way up to last Friday. Are these things someone that doesn't want to be in a relationship do? Her answer- Well, it IS confusing.

I still have so many questions, so much I don't understand. I don't know if I will ever have answers.

As much as I am hurting and looking at my life in shambles, I miss him so much and I am so worried about him dealing with these losses of his kids.
They are so much a part of him, and to lose both is just overwhelming.
He may see his ex like Florence Nightingale at the moment because of how loving she's been to the kids in tragedy, but if he moves back in there, it won't be long before he remembers why he left in the first place, but he won't leave once he's committed to his daughter to stay there. This is such a horrible situation for everyone involved.

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It really is. "Tragedy" is overused, but this is positively Greek.

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And, tap tap tap, therapists aren't perfect.

Still, the whole picture is not jammed with hope. If I were you I might not Never darken his door, I might leave a note re "if you want to talk". And then go ahead and Never Darken His Door, and live my life.

To be very bald, you are still young but not for long. You have time to recover if you start recovering. And not a whole lot, if you don't. In my humble opinion.

Heh, not to put pressure on you. I say that in a ribbing way.

But it would help if you could work out if this is a closed or open question.

This is all very dramatic, as we all agree. But many people in marriages at your age are also thinking, huh? wtf?

Regard yourself well, whatever you do.

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I agree with the "Never darken his door again" suggestion. The whole thing just rips you apart and you don't need that.

As to why he was around since December and up until recently, who knows? Perhaps his decision to return to his ex was a spur of the moment thing. Maybe he gave himself some sort of a weird timetable ("I'll give it 'til Easter"). Or the stars lined up the right way for him, or the wrong way. Whatever.

I know you want to know why, but I suspect that "why" is something of a red herring. I don't believe for one second that it was anything you, personally, did or didn't do. You are not at fault here. There is no fault here. It's a horrible, tragic situation and horrible, tragic situations can take on lives of their own and no one's to blame for how they work out. They just sort of unfold.

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What would you do?

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