I Am Learning to Speak Canadian. Please help.

I forgot.

What size Touque do I wear?

Joe(and on what body part do I wear it?)Nation

Nine miles is a little under fourteen and half kilometers, you big phony.

It may surprise you to learn (ya big phony) that there are regional dialects here, too. In polite, casual conversations, most Ontarians end at least every other sentence (and often more) with eh? That's just the way they talk, eh? Pronounce any single syllable word ending in -own as two syllables--know-en, grow-en, show-en. Iron is pronounced "i-run," or "ah-run." These only apply to Ontario, and not even to all of Ontario . . . ya big phony.

My Australian neighbor was always using his hosepipe to water his lawn.

Occasionally, he would turn his hosepipe on his car to wash the Al-you-MIN-ee-um bits.

As an Aussie he would have had a hose, not a hosepipe.

Among Canajuns, he would be described as a hoser.

People in Ontario can't properly pronounce asphalt. They always add an "h" to it--ashphalt. They also cannot properly pronounce schedule. Their pronunciation of about is only slightly different, but the difference is noticeable. Tha same goes for the word sorry. "Oh sorry" is a commonly used locution among Canajuns. If someone in a crowd steps on your foot, you say: "Oh sorry." If someone bumps into you on a subway platform, almost knocking you onto the rails below, you say: "Oh sorry." If someone pushes you aside to get in front of you while you're standing in line, you say: "Oh sorry . . . you must be American, eh?"

I have a friend originally from Larter Lake, Ontario, who pronounces iron as I-Run - drives me nuts.

Joe - you're just going to have go google Canucks talking on youtube and get a real good listen.

Here's one for you:

Set's right - there are many regional differences - just be grateful she's not a Newfie.

Them Newfies is all a buncha hosers, eh? I like the music, though . . . beauty, eh?

You'll need to brush up on the traditional greetings

Howzitgo-in, eh?

I'm goin ta Timmies fer a double-double, you want anythin?

Here's another one:



and about Canada:

I have the lists on my right forearm:
"Hey, yo, I ran nine POINT THREE miles but I'm telling everybody it was a 15."

Most of this information has been interesting but not informative, not germane to my plea for help, even so, I am grateful.

Maybe we won't talk, we'll just stare into each other's eyes.

Joe(That would be nice, eh?)Nation

It's also obligatory to get your sorries on.
Example - two people walk through a door at the same time, bump into each other, both will say sorry.
Or if when standing in a line, you bump elbows, say sorry.

Why travel across Canada?

I once heard a guy with a Quebec accent refer to Brent Sutter as the udder Sutter brudder.
I believe I was eating am and heggs at the time.

Start eating poutine.

No, that's not dirty! Getcher minds outta the guttah!

If i go to Timmies--or Coffee Time, which is a big chain in Ontario--i always order a jumbo triple-triple. They know what i mean. Then i'll probably order a patty. Patty means the same thing in Ontario as it does in Jamaica. Except they're probably hotter in Jamaica.

Poutine? Is that an answer to the "What kind of breakfast meals do they eat on the Great Plains?" because I looked it up. And I am going to keep looking unless I can make the 'gravy' with hot pepper flakes, cumin and chili powder. And something approaching actual cheese.

I'm going to get one of these:


I was relieved it was not one of these:


Joe(although....I think I could totally rock that purple/black one)Nation

You can make your gravy however you want. Poutine is made with real cheese. Poutine is the sublimest food that is bad for you that was ever devised. Just ask Thomas.