I don't know what to do

Hawkeye = Clueless

I didn't mean to start a fight amongst members.
Thank you all for your advice. All I know is I don't want to go anywhere, do anything or talk to anyone. I did make an appointment with a doctor who is a grief counselor.
I was scared to log back in to this site because I didn't want to read mean things about me or my sister.

Who knew I went in to respiratory failure hours after my sister died?

I didn't, to be honest I'm scared for you. I understand wanting to be alone. Grief can be overwhelming, please don't let it overpower you. I'm glad you're going to see a doctor. That's a great first step. Try to remember that all those people you're shutting out want to help you too, just like people here. When you're ready, let them give you the love you need. You deserve it and it's what will help you get through the toughest times, just knowing that people who love you are near.
Please take care of yourself. Sleep. Eat. Cry. Breathe. Go for a walk. Revel in the small things that make you happy, like ice cream or a bad movie. Come here and yell at the moon.. We all heal in different ways and we are al.. um, k, the vast majority are here to help.

I am so very sorry for your loss, trying2learn, and I think it is good you will be seeing a grief counselor.

Try to keep busy, even if things don't really interest you, and you feel as though you are just going through the motions. That's an important part of going on with life, going on with your life. And don't cut yourself off from other people, particularly good friends who can offer you support right now.

Grieving a loss like yours is like recovering from a deep and painful wound, and it's hard to believe that the pain will ever stop, or that the wound will ever stop bleeding and seeping, or that new skin will ever grow to cover it. But healing of that wound will happen, as a gradual slow process, and new growth will make that recovery possible, just as you will grow as you heal emotionally from this loss and learn to cope with your sister's absence from your life. It will happen, but it does take time.

You will always miss your sister, but the deep pain and grief you feel now will lessen in time, it really will. And your sister will always remain a part of you, deep inside of you, and, in time, that will also be a source of comfort for you.

The doc is good and has helped me. Thank you for understanding because my sister means so much to me. I was told to go through her stuff or it would be put in the garbage. She wrote notes and it makes me sad to read them. The notes were written while she was in the hospital. I am so sorry she felt what she wrote.

Thank you and I am scared. I am scared because she was my best friend and now she is gone. We had a bond that only we understood. When she died, a part of me died. We were so close and others want to know what she talked to me about. I can't bring myself to tell anyone. I was the last person she saw and spoke to before she died. Maybe I was living in a dream world but I didn't think she would die

Can I ask how long ago it was that you lost your sister?

You just posted another thread where you talk about your husband and his dangerous job and your fear that you may not see him again after he leaves for work.

Please see a Dr. who might prescribe an antidepressant. You need all the help you can get during this time.

Good luck. I lost my husband 3 1/2 years ago; he was sick with cancer two years before that. Then i lost my mom two years after that. Not a day goes by that I don't think of them. Now I can have nice memories without crying.

It takes time, but get help and go to support groups. It helps to hear other people's stories and they struggle with grief.

My sister died July 12th this year.

I really don't think it is so unusual to feel really sad when someone you care about dies. What sucked was I watched my dad die which I never imagined would happen. Then to be with my sister when she died was too much. Maybe that is why I went into respiratory failure later the same day.

Now I have been told my mom is not going to live much longer. I refuse to watch her die too.

So what are you saying.....you are going to abandon mom? You are going to check out first?

I don't see it as abandoning my mom. No I am not going to check out first. I leave that up to fate. I don't want to see my mom because I can't or won't watch as someone I care about dies.

Tell me that in 5 years.

Surely you must not let depression control you for 5 years. It's a bit of waste of your life don't you think? Your sister and your best friend wouldn't want that for you. So get well sooner, and enjoy life to the fullest.

I have been dealing with depression for over 10 years. My mom is gone, yet I did go see her before she died.

I wasn't the person who gave up, my mom gave up.

Sometimes, somethings are beyond people's control, such as death. Don't play the blame game, and get some psychological help.

I get it and got degrees. My sister felt she was ugly and friends/family didn't care. That is how she felt and she was right. I saw how those people treated her and it broke my heart.

I agree with that.

I am not blaming anyone for her death.

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
― Rose Kennedy