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Wed 1 Aug, 2012 06:15 am
Last October I separated from my husband of 17 years, it was completely the right thing to do after limping on for about 5 years, both unhappy.
In April this year I met someone in a bar, whilst this sounds ridiculous, it was pretty much love at first sight (or certainly lust) - I found out later he felt exactly the same.
I was a little bit drunk and asked him outright if he wanted to have a no-strings sex afair! he said yes, which I suppose he would, considering I was offering it to him on a plate!
For a while we were both happy with the situation, I had no strings great sex (and I mean GREAT sex) and he got his family plus the great sex.
Then my feelings started to change :-( I started to fall for him. I knew he would never leave his family, so I didnt tell him how I was feeling, but I kind of got an inkling that he felt the same, from his texts and things he said when we were together.
Then last week we arranged for him to stay at mine all night - we have never stayed together all night before and we were both really looking forward to it. He came over and it was all going great until we started to talk, we both admitted being in love with the other and we both cried, knowing that nothing could come of this. He said he would never leave his wife (which I knew) and the reason that he couldnt leave his wife was because he could never live apart from his children.
He then said he had to try and make it work with his wife, and being with me wasnt fair to me and would stop him from making things work with his wife.
Then he left. He told me that he loved me and then he left me. I was devastated.
We were still in contact by text and he kept telling me he knew he was doing the right thing, but missed me. He then came to see me and we talked more and ended up in bed again.
We text each other a lot, saying how much we miss each other and how we want to be together but cant.
He is a good man and he is doing the right thing, but I feel so cheated out of being with probably the only man I have ever loved. I am heartbroken, I dont think I will ever get over this.
The kindest thing he can do for you is to leave, not come back and not contact you. And the kindest and best thing you can do for him is to remove his contact information and stop texting, etc.
All that this is doing is pouring salt into your wounds.
You are a free woman. You can go out there and, when you are ready, find someone. But you aren't going to start looking until this is over, and I mean completely over. No texting, no talking, no coming over, no suddenly falling into bed.
@jespah,
I love him more than I ever loved my husband..
How can I remove him from my life, I cant, I just cant
I am scared of the force of my feelings towards him
@Bella123,
But you have to. If he's not going to leave his wife, then what have you got? And, perhaps more importantly, aren't you worth someone who will actually be there for you?
@Bella123,
Bella123 wrote:He is a good man
that's just a plain lie. He had, and is continuing to try to have, an affair.
He is not demonstrating respect for his children, his wife or you.
He is not a good man.
If you're a smart woman you will block him from all communication devices, and take some time to sort yourself out. Have you completed your divorce? If not, get that done.
Spend some time alone, learning to respect yourself again, and then go out and meet someone who respects you.
@ehBeth,
Yes.
What ehbeth said.
Joe(Start again now.)Nation
@ehBeth,
He really is a good man.
I had an affair, which ended my marriage (not with this person obviously) - that didnt make me a bad person, it made me the person I am who maybe made some bad decisions (mainly getting married to my husband in the first place)
He is a good man because he is trying to do the right thing for everyone involved. Perhaps he shouldnt have had a affair in the first place, but that doesnt make him bad :-(
@Bella123,
I havent completed my divorce, and wont for a while, we run a business together and its easier to stay married at the moment
@Bella123,
Bella123 wrote:I love him more than I ever loved my husband..
No, you are infatuated. There is a significant difference.
Dopamine is a powerful drug....
@DrewDad,
Why would you say I was infatuated?
@Bella123,
I don't feel sorry for you one bit.
You have had two affairs, one of which ended your marriage; the other with a married man with children.
Why don't you find someone who is single? You have no self-control and you are mucking up a family situation.
Your behaviour is disgusting, and so is his. I'm not talking about whether he's a good man or you're a good woman - both of your behaviours is reprehensible.
Go cry somewhere else... you created this situation and I hope it hurts for a long time. You deserve it.
@Bella123,
Bella123 wrote:He is a good man because he is trying to do the right thing for everyone involved. Perhaps he shouldnt have had a affair in the first place, but that doesnt make him bad :-(
He had an affair.
He continues to be in touch with you.
He is not honest with his family.
That is not a good man.
Perhaps he shouldn't have had an affair? you really need to give your head a big shake
@Bella123,
Bella123 wrote: its easier to stay married at the moment
how does your husband feel about being tied to a woman who says she is in love with another man? are you at least honest with him?
@ehBeth,
ehBeth
I dont understand what you mean? my husband and I are no longer together, it is nothing to do with him what I do now, nor is it anything to do with me what he does now.
Thank you for your honesty about hoping that I hurt for a long time, I wish you the best and hope your life take the smooth path that I am sure you think everyones does :-)
@Bella123,
Bella123 wrote:
Thank you for your honesty about hoping that I hurt for a long time, I wish you the best and hope your life take the smooth path that I am sure you think everyones does :-)
I'm the one who said that, not ehBeth. You are the only one in control of your actions, so you are the only one responsible for your hurt. Since your thoughtless, inconsiderate and careless actions affect innocent people in a very negative way, you deserve all the hurt you have.
We all make choices and we get to live with the result. Don't come crying here for sympathy or understanding when you created everything you're experiencing right now.
@Bella123,
I didn't say anything about hoping you hurt.
If you are still married, you owe your husband some respect. Perhaps not as much respect as your lover owes his wife, but respect should still be part of the relationship with your current husband.
@ehBeth,
Apologies for thinking you said something you didnt
I am still 'married' because we run a business together and it is messier to divorce quickly with having two mortgages, the business, plus insurances etc.
My husband is in a new relationship, which is none of my business, I would hope he would offer me the same respect.
@Mame,
Im sorry you feel that way :-(
I didnt set out to hurt anyone else, I certainly didnt set out to fall in love with someone elses husband
@Bella123,
Did you set out to make sure he wasn't married before you banged him in a booze haze?
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