4 month affair - fallen for each other, but hopeless situation

It wasnt something I deliberately set out to do, no

This is a tough crowd.

And they are, each of them, completely right in their assessment.

Go.
Find someone who is actually available to you.

And, BTW, your current soon to be ex is a creep too as well as being a victim of your thoughtlessness.

Question: Did you actually believe there is such a thing as a no-strings-attached affair that stays a no-strings affair for longer than a month??

Joe(would you like to buy the Brooklyn Bridge? )Nation

That you didn't set out to hurt anyone is irrelevant and a waste of time. What you DID do was interfere in a family in a very thoughtless, uncaring way. Why would you take up with a married man? What is wrong with you? Did you give no thought at all to his wife or children? What does that say about YOU? It says you're selfish and thoughtless, inconsiderate of his family.

Why is my ex a creep too?

We have been going downhill for years, we mutually agred to separate, we didnt agree to continue being faithful to each other?

I had a short relationship with someone who WAS available before i met this man and it turned out to be a disaster, he wanted to phone and see me all the time and I cant do that when I have two young children.

Maybe it wasnt deliberate, but it was easier to have a relationship with someone who wasnt 100% 'there'

Thank you for you input..

I would have probably though the same of someone else who did this, before it happened to me :-(

You might want to try harder at 1) being on your own, and 2) finding an appropriate person to be in a relationship with.

Things you thought were easier are not turning out to be easy.

I think she's saying because of all the business stuff, it's easier to not get a divorce. He's in another relationship, and of course, we all know what she's doing. Their marriage is over, but they still have businesses and mortgages that they'd have to legally dissolve and they consider that too much trouble.

I dont really understand your point? especially with regards to my husband?

My point is that I have fallen in love with someone I didnt want or expect to fall in love with

Castigating her for what she's done in the past is not constructive, IMO.

You can't untangle past mistakes.

You can only try to learn from them and move on.

Lesson one: sex leads to emotional entanglement.
Lesson two: married men are not available for close relationships.

Now that we've learned these lessons, what should she do?

1. Stop idolizing this creep who's cheating on his wife.
2. Admit that it was a mistake, learn the lesson, move on.
3. Finalize the divorce. Delay is just making things weirder and more complex.
4. Think about whether bars are a good place to find good life mates (as opposed to short-term sexual partners)

Not too much trouble necessarily, but very expensive and may not even be possible with regards to the mortgage, we may end up losing one or both of our homes.

Our point is that your emotions are irrelevant.

You can only screw things up (more) for this guy and his wife and (I assume) his kids.



Swerving into the trite, here: If you truly love him, then let him go.

I understand that.

She is still in a legal relationship - and that could limit her ability to enter a new personal relationship.

There are people who will not date people who are married - regardless of the reason for staying in the marriage. That decreases the pool of people who respect marriages and relationships for her to choose from.

She's telling us she has a pattern of making the easy choice (was staying in the marriage an extra five years the easy thing to do as well?)

You didn't agree to that until after you had your first affair.
Your ex is a creep because he's still married, really nice for whoever he's banging on the rebound from you. She must be another sort to put up with such a crappy situation.



Way to go on trying to find a committed relationship with someone, not.
Plenty of time for quickies at an undisclosed location, but (horrors) the guy wants to be part of my life. No. No. It can't be.

Okay. So you really don't want commitment from anyone.

The good news is Drewdad is right and you are being deluded into thinking what you've got with the married man is love, 'tain't. It's the hormones talking. Break it off and the effect will fade within ten days or so like any other dopa-mine high.

Interview several guys about their marital status (married, even unhappy slugs, are out) ask them if they want gymnastic, fantastic sex, then cycle through them about every ten days to two weeks. Tell them if they ever burble anything about getting closer than the two-and- half hour rock and roll sessions, they are out of the rotation for good.

Hurry up already with the divorce. Get out of everything, get enough to protect your children and make a new life for yourself. Now.

It's a mess of your own making.

Joe(get a mop)Nation

worth saying again

especially the Move On part

You are out there banging someone's husband and yet I bet if you were married and found out your husband was banging another woman you would be all over the little two bit whore who had the nerve to bang your husband. People never see themselves as doing anything wrong, but when they are the victim, then watch out because they then tend to go all ballistic about the other woman (or man, as the case may be.)

As others have said, break off contact with him. If he would cheat on his spouse with you, then I will guarantee that he will cheat on you with someone else. Find someone who is available for a relationship.

Bella, Bella, Bella,

There are so many things wrong here, one doesn't know where to start.

But try this first: YOU are not being given any choice in the matter. He says he won't leave the wife (due to the kids - the biggest limp dick excuse ever)

The truth is he sees this for what it is: a roll in the hay with a woman who really does not want a genuine full-time relationship, and a diversion from everyday life. That's what you are, dear.

If that's good enough, then keep on with this relationship. But don't expect anything more from it.

And don't ask people what they think of it. You will get tarred and feathered, for sure.



0[) otonlA,

I have never once said that I thought I was doing nothing wrong. I know it is 'wrong' but unfortunately I did not choose to fall in love with him.

My husband had several affairs whilst we were together, whilst it was awful at the time, I now fully understand why he did it! I also wouldnt blame the other woman either, it was my husband that made vows to me, not her.

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