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What causes an affair to gon on for 3 yrs if theres no emotions?

 
 
Reply Wed 29 May, 2013 04:46 pm
3 year sex affair all sex no emotions just booty calls
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 10,664 • Replies: 41

 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 May, 2013 04:49 pm
@lisa1471,
It's called itch.
lisa1471
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 May, 2013 04:56 pm
@ossobuco,
3 yr itch?
PUNKEY
 
  4  
Reply Wed 29 May, 2013 06:02 pm
YOU say there's no emotion.
glitterbag
 
  4  
Reply Wed 29 May, 2013 06:50 pm
@lisa1471,
You keep reframing the question and I don't know how many different ways I can say you are a doormat. What is it you really want? You say the other woman is just for unimportant sex so she is the fool. You need to rethink that equation, either you love him so much you are willing to grab at straws, or you are incredibly naive and think somehow this is normal. You need to just stop, your excuses don't ring true and I need to stop trying to advise/help you because I suspect you are happy with this narrative. Good luck to all three of you.
0 Replies
 
cherrie
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 May, 2013 06:51 pm
@lisa1471,
It's going on because you allow it to.
I find it hard to believe that an affair can go for three years without any emotional attachment on either side.
You need to stand up for yourself, and stop letting him treat you like a doormat.
0 Replies
 
lisa1471
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 May, 2013 07:18 pm
@PUNKEY,
Yeah meaning my hubby and his 3yr side chic
Finn dAbuzz
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 May, 2013 07:36 pm
Lust?
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  5  
Reply Thu 30 May, 2013 01:13 am
@lisa1471,
There is absolutely no such thing as a human relationship without emotions.

We humans are emotional creatures, and we bring emotions to every relationship, whether or not we acknowledge it.
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 May, 2013 12:58 pm
@lisa1471,
lisa1471 wrote:

3 year sex affair all sex no emotions just booty calls


If you think this is the strangest or lowest thing any guy has ever done in order to get a regular serving of new pussy, Lisa...you are kidding yourself.

You are available to screw...and that is what he is interested in.

Nothing wrong with it. Use him as a boy toy. But this simply does not have the makings of a romantic, lasting relationship.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Thu 30 May, 2013 02:28 pm
@lisa1471,
Here is something to chew on: you are the wife, so hubby tells you the other woman means nothing, just meaningless sex, so you are willing to stay and take it.
She on the other hand relocated to where he is, he probably tells her he is (1) trapped in a loveless marriage, (2) you are frigid, (3)he will leave when the kids are older, (4) you have a terminal illness or some other lie so she will continue to be available for him.

You can't understand why she is satisfied being just a diversion and she can't stop feeling love for the noble good hearted man who really really loves her but is saddled with a miserable marriage.

He doesn't care that he is lying to two women because he likes this situation just as it is. He can't possibly love either of you because he only cares about himself. And the you and his girlfriend are settling for less than a content life.
vikorr
 
  4  
Reply Thu 30 May, 2013 11:15 pm
@glitterbag,
The 'I'm trapped in a loveless marriage' has been said to just about every woman in an affair that I've heard of where its the man who initiated (not every woman, but almost every woman) - often with little truth to it.
Christie9
 
  3  
Reply Fri 31 May, 2013 08:26 am
@vikorr,
Little truth to it? It can only be true. Obviously a man who fools around is, if not trapped, at least in a loveless marriage. No doubts about it. If he loved his wife he wouldn't cheat (over and over again).

It amazes me how people, generally speaking, change their speech according to the situation:

If it's the Other Woman saying: "he says he doesn't love his wife and will leave her for me, people reply "it's all lies, don't believe him, he's there with her because he loves her not you"

If the Wife says "he cheated", people say "leave that scumbag, he does not love you and he's selfish"

Bah, stop judgin will ya.
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Fri 31 May, 2013 11:09 am
@Christie9,
I don't think anybody is judging. The wife is looking for excuses to call the girlfriend deluded. If you and the original poster enjoy that much chaos in you life, by all means enjoy. Just don't bore everyone else with the situation you find yourself.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Fri 31 May, 2013 04:19 pm
@Christie9,
What if they are in-capable of loving? In-other-words, do not know what constitutes marriage.

What if the wife, thinks marriage is forever, regardless of the cards she is dealt with.

What if the wife is emotionally abusive and controlling...


Things are not always black and white.

Lisa you don't answer about your own sex life with your husband, you just tell us about his sex life of 3 years with another woman.

There are straight answers when facts are presented and obvious answers when not.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Fri 31 May, 2013 04:20 pm
@Christie9,
Hello Christie,

It's not uncommon that people will read their preconceived position into someone else's writing.

Quote:
It can only be true. Obviously a man who fools around is, if not trapped, at least in a loveless marriage. No doubts about it. If he loved his wife he wouldn't cheat (over and over again).
According to your definition of love it can only be true.

But firstly - my statement was in reference to guys saying 'I'm in a loveless marriage ie. I don't get sex from my wife any more, we're always arguing, she's making my life hell etc...when it often just isn't true (ie. my comments were aimed at the guys claims his wife doesn't love him, while your comments were aimed at whether or not the guy loves the woman)

In relation to love - There is at least one guy at my workplace who almost openly habitually cheats, who, when talking to his wife - you can hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes that he is in love with her. That doesn't stop him from playing around (now go back to my whole post, that you quoted from). Whatever you believe about love, there are many different versions of it. Saying only your version is correct would be passing judgement, would it not?

Quote:
If it's the Other Woman saying: "he says he doesn't love his wife and will leave her for me, people reply "it's all lies, don't believe him, he's there with her because he loves her not you"
You've heard that from me? Wow...dang...uh, where did I say that? (and if you do quote - reread carefully)

Quote:
Bah, stop judgin will ya.
Yes I'm being facetious in my post...because of the irony of the statement and how it's affected your vision of my statement.

By the way, Do you realise that humans cannot stop judging? It's like asking if there's an emotionless relationship - there isn't.
0 Replies
 
ChurchKei
 
  2  
Reply Wed 15 Apr, 2015 01:20 am
@lisa1471,
I am a married man, who has been having an affair with a married woman for 3 years. I am not leaving my wife, and nor is she leaving her husband. Neither one of us are IN love with our spouses, but we don’t mind keeping them around. We don't mind going on trips with our spouses, buying them gifts, spending our money on them, we care if our spouses have eaten, or if they've gotten a good rest,. We still love our spouses, but we are not attracted to our spouses romantically, So the love turns to more of a bestfriend type love.
I know people may say, if you don’t want them, let them go… No.. I need my wife to continue to cook, clean, take care of my kids, wash my clothes, etc.. And Pay her part of the bills.. I am also very familiar with my wife and have a history and children, so I'm not exactly ready for permanent changes. My married lover understands this, because she too has a family... But at night we dream and wish for each other. The wife just caught me at a good time, because if I had known my married lover before I met my wife,. I would have married her instead. In order to make love to my wife, I have to think about my lover, for without doing so, I can't perform... Sometimes I feel sorry for my wife because she thinks I enjoy her, but as soon as she's done.. I set up a day with my lover, so I can feel the real thing.. Even after a business trip, I want to see my lover before I go home.
I look forward to being with my lover. My wife is a bore, but I married her, made a commitment so I put up with her, but that's only to save face because I can’t go and tell my friends and family what I'm doing, how can I just look my wife in the eye and tell her that I don’t want her, without feeling bad for it? I know it's wrong, and i can't just alright hurt someone's feelings... So that's why I cheat, ... To keep from hurting her feelings.
I try to keep it away, but.. It somehow exposes itself whether it be in our treatment toward our spouses (you are always irritated with your spouse, because you're stuck somewhere you don't want to be...Wishing you were with your lover) so you silently compare them,. We can give off the sense that our spouses do nothing right.
My married lover got mad at me once, and told my wife about our affair through social media, (I didn’t care, but...) I had to stop talking to my lover until the air cleared, and then I was right back with her…so I will say this to any married person being cheated on… It doesn’t matter how much you cry, jump up and down, yell, scream until you are blue in the face., the affair will not stop because the spouse found out and their feelings get hurt … it does not stop, even though we will tell you it did!
There’s a difference between "What you want to do,". Versus, "What you are suppose to do",.,Most time our nagging mates are trying to get us to do what we are suppose to do, but we want to do, what we want to do .. which isn't our spouses. And also what our mates don't realize is that their fussing, nagging, and complaining, provides us with the excuse and reason needed to leave for a few moments to be with the who/want we want. Real talk.
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Wed 15 Apr, 2015 06:30 am
@ChurchKei ,
Or, you could be an adult and maybe not be such a douche to someone you at least loved once in your life.

Lincoln freed the slaves.

Set your spouse free. You're just playing and haven't suffered the consequences. Yet. I am sure your wife will find it abundantly interesting that she's been useful for housekeeping and child rearing oh and you do like her paycheck, too.

You're such a generous soul.
ChurchKei
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Apr, 2015 07:16 am
@jespah,
When you don't want them anymore, you are always telling her to leave.. Problem is, she won't go! ... And I am not going force the issue, because I need her to continue being my secretary/janitor, while I go out and put smiles on me and my lovers faces. We need our mates to cook and babysit, so we can be together...

Sorry I sound like a douche, but that's what happens when you cheat on your spouse... You eventually no longer have a want for them sexually, and making love to them becomes forced. You acquire a need for someone else, because your mate is no longer satisfying to you...and their touch does nothing for you. But you rise to occasion anyway, because why not!? Even though my wife isn't the one I want, she will pass, until I get to my lover. My wife is no longer who I desire . But again, I made a commitment to her and our kids, amongst other things ... So unfortunately, you stay and put up with them (in other words, be miserable for the rest of your life).

However, eventually the affair will end and we will go back to our spouses and pretend we love them by forcing ourselves to act like our spouse are who we want,.when that indeed, is not true.. It's sad, ugly, and messed up,. but it's reality....
jespah
 
  6  
Reply Wed 15 Apr, 2015 07:36 am
@ChurchKei ,
Or you could man up and initiate divorce proceedings.

But you won't, because you prefer your comfy life and your wife's paycheck and not having to support two households.

Your children are learning how to be a douche from you.
 

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