I'm 15 and I'm pregnant.. what do I do now??

As for school tomorrow. .. I've gotta tell everyone sometime It might as well be now. My mom's coming with me to tell my principal first thing tomorrow morning. I guess I'm stuck with the job of telling all my friends.

Angel

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Your Mom has come along way in a small space of time, great to hear how much she is with you for all of this, dont forget to thank her, it will go a long way.

Some tough talks you have coming up Angel--all will work out well in the end, its the getting there that really sucks. Good Luck with all of them.

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Yeah.. I haven't even told my best friend. She's going to be so mad at me for not telling her.

Angel

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She'll get over it, and a true friend will understand why, and support you...might take a day or so though---hang in there gal

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I'm REALLY surprised nobody's figured it out. I mean it's not that hard .. .I've had all the classic signs of pregnancy, I'm starting to show, haven't been partying, Andrew's been kicked out. How much does it take to realize I'm pregnant lol.

Angel

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Angel
Noddy is right. You need to show your parents that you can handle this life long job as being a parent. I think she mentioned something earlier about doing household chores to show your parents how resposible you are.

You're mom sounds like she has mellowed out quite a bit and she sounds awesome.

As far as telling your friends, just tell them that you didn't tell anyone except Andrew because you didn't know what you were going to do. You are under no obligation to tell your friends every detail of your very personal life, so don't sweat that. If they are good friends, they will understand that this was something extremely personal that was between you and Andrew.

When it comes to your parents, you're right in saying that you will always be their baby girl. Now that you are in the process of taking a huge plunge into the adult world, this is your chance to show your parents that you can be taken seriously and show them that you are truly a responsible young woman.

None of this is going to be easy for you, but if you keep yourself in the right frame of mind and takes things in stride, you will rise above it all ;-)

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Angel Eyes666 wrote:

Thanks everyone, I wish some people would quit judging me by my age. I may only be 15 but I've had to grow up a lot this past little while. Just because I'm young doesn't mean I can't be a good mother at the same time. If everyone treats me like a "kid who's having a kid" then that's not gonna get me anywhere..

Angel

Angel, I'm going to agree with Montana that you need support. However, the truth is that you -are- a kid having a kid. That's why I'm trying to be honest with you - it's going to be hard, and you're going to have to give up your life as you know it (to sacrafice your life) in lieu of another person. This will have some wonderful benefits (as I'm sure Montana can tell you) but it will also have hardship like you cannot imagine until you are responsible for that other life and holding it in your arms. You also get to make the choice whether to give the baby up for adoption and finish growing up without having to raise a child (and having one later that's planned) or forfeiting a lot of freedoms other people your age get to enjoy and trying to financially support and take care of another person and make their life as good as possible.

You do seem like a sweet person, and I know I thought I was an adult at 15 too. You are certainly much older than you were at 13, 14, or even before you found out you were pregnant. However, the truth is that a person who will have sex knowing they are unprotected is not being responsible. You are going to have to learn how to be incredibly responsible (and fast) when you have a baby if you decide to keep it. I am not trying to be mean, I just don't want to paint you pictures of bread and roses when that might not be the case. You should make your decisions with a full and unbiased knowledge of how it is going to effect your life and future, and another person's life and future.

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My mom even though she's not very happy with the whole idea of me being a mom is actually kinda excited about it. Being her first grandchild and all.. She can't wait to help me pick out clothes, and until she can feel the baby move. She took it A LOT better then i thought she would.. It's like she's more excited about this baby then I am.

Angel

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I know this is gonna be hard, but I know that with the help of everyone I can get through this. I might not be an "adult" yet.. but take a look around you.. There's not much difference the way I see it in being an adult and being 15, you're a bit taller maybe.. . Some "adults" do stuff so incredibly stupid it's not fit. It's all about how you see things, and how you were brought up. Common sense, knowing what you have to do and doing it. In truth, nobody is perfect, everyone has imperfections, what happened in the past cannot be undone so has to be lived with. It's not about what happens to you; it's about how you deal with it. . While not being able to change the past, you can always change the future, it doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. But in the end.. It's all good.

Angel

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Angel Eyes666 wrote:

I know this is gonna be hard, but I know that with the help of everyone I can get through this. I might not be an "adult" yet.. but take a look around you.. There's not much difference the way I see it in being an adult and being 15, you're a bit taller maybe.. . Some "adults" do stuff so incredibly stupid it's not fit. It's all about how you see things, and how you were brought up. Common sense, knowing what you have to do and doing it. In truth, nobody is perfect, everyone has imperfections, what happened in the past cannot be undone so has to be lived with. It's not about what happens to you; it's about how you deal with it. . While not being able to change the past, you can always change the future, it doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. But in the end.. It's all good.

Angel

You're right that age doesn't directly correlate with responsibility or being a good person. But it does with experience. You are young in that you are, literally, young - having only been on this planet around 15 years, nine months.

There are life experiences you have not had yet, and because of that you are not fully developed. This is going to mean you probably will have to sacrifice going to college (or you will have to work really hard to take care of a kid, have money, and go there), you won't be having lots of free time to hang out with your friends, go to dances, if you ever wanted to travel the world it will have to wait, dating, even leaving the house whenever you want, not having to worry about being responsible all the time - these goals/dreams will all be affected and replaced by your child's goals/dreams until your child is grown. You will be literally sacrificing your life for the life of your child. This means you will have to become the equivalent of a 25 year old person at the age of 15. If you don't have money you will need to get a job - not just for you but for two people, and take care of the baby (a full time job) for about 18 years, and go to school. Hopefully your parents and relatives will be able to help you a great deal with finances and taking care of the child if you chose to keep it.

You need to think of things like,
How am I going to take care of the baby and also go to school? How am I going to get money to feed and clothe the baby? Will I be able to pay for dentist and doctors bills/insurance? Do I want the child to be able to go to college? You will need to take time to play with it, read to it, watch it. If you have ever babysat, that will be your life - all the time until the child is grown. That is a huge change to take on when you are also young.

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I know that, but I can do it. Me and Andrew'll get through this.

Angel

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... Believe me.. I've only told a few people this but I know what kids are like.. I spent most of my childhood going to different foster homes. I got taken away from my birth mother when I was 5. I got adopted when I was 11. Most of the homes I went to had a few other younger kids and after I settled in I'd spend a lot of time babysitting. Then they'd take me away to another home where the same thing'd happen all over again. Then I met my adopted parents, they were the first people who gave me a chance to relive my childhood that I missed so much of, they let me be a kid again. When you go though that you learn a lot about yourself, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Angel

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Angel
Yes you will ;-)

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Angel Eyes666 wrote:

... Believe me.. I've only told a few people this but I know what kids are like.. I spent most of my childhood going to different foster homes. I got taken away from my birth mother when I was 5. I got adopted when I was 11. Most of the homes I went to had a few other younger kids and after I settled in I'd spend a lot of time babysitting. Then they'd take me away to another home where the same thing'd happen all over again. Then I met my adopted parents, they were the first people who gave me a chance to relive my childhood that I missed so much of, they let me be a kid again. When you go though that you learn a lot about yourself, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Angel

Bouncing around in foster homes (especially community homes where they also put juvenille delinquents Rolling Eyes

sucks.) I'm sorry you had to experience that, but it sounds like the life experience will help you. Although you are still young, you do probably have more life experience than your peers - for example, you know how to be street smart. It will also probably help you to know what will be best for your child (having experienced both.)
You will probably need to study child-raising and pregnancy books. I don't know of any offhand to recommend, but I'll bet your parents would be impressed if you asked them for suggestions.

When I was 15 I had also had a lot of life experience and thought I was mature, but when I was 20 I realized that I really hadn't been. I am 21 and still don't feel ready yet to raise a child. There are places to go, things to learn, etc. And I'd like to have a job, a partner, and financial stability first. I don't want you to rush into the decision not to give the baby up for adoption - because having a baby limits the choices available to you in your future. You can always chose to have a child later on in life, but it is much harder to chose not to have a child (give it up for adoption) once you have already been raising it. There are adoption programs where you get to meet and approve of the parents. (And of course, you don't have to make any decisions right away, but keep your mind open to your options - and to what you want in life. Don't stress out, but be aware.)

By the way, I think it's very disrespectful of Andrew's parents not to talk to you. Did Andrew know that you hadn't been taking your birth control pills? If so than it is equally his slip up (note: the baby is not a mistake, but not taking your pills and having sex was a mistake.) If you didn't tell him you hadn't been taking your pills it is not his fault.
If his parents continue to ignore to you I wouldn't sweat it, they are the ones acting like jerks - they are probably very confused and didn't know their son was sexually active.

Your parents just seem cooler and cooler. Be sure to respect them! I'll bet they give good advice.

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My parents are the best. My birth mom was an alcoholic, I was a complete accident from another one of her "one night stands". I'll never do to my baby what she did to me. On my first day of school I went all alone with a black eye and a broken arm. She told the people at the hospital that I got beat up by some kids in the next appartment. My teacher knew it was more then that when she saw my back. It was black and blue.

Angel

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Angel Eyes666 wrote:

My parents are the best. My birth mom was an alcoholic, I was a complete accident from another one of her "one night stands". I'll never do to my baby what she did to me. On my first day of school I went all alone with a black eye and a broken arm. She told the people at the hospital that I got beat up by some kids in the next appartment. My teacher knew it was more then that when she saw my back. It was black and blue.

Angel

That sucks, I'm very sorry Angel! You will need to work very hard to be a good mother (should you chose to raise your baby) - especially because the way you grew up was so bad. Because you have had a lot of bad examples you need to be very concious of what you -do- want, how you discipline and reward, teach, etc. to raise your child. Your new parents sound like good ones and they should be a good example to look at and a starting point for childraising technique.

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Angel Eyes666 wrote:

.. but I guess to them I'll always be their "baby".

Angel

Ya got that right. I'm well past the age of adulthood. WELL past. And my parents still don't see me that way. Not fully anyhow. Oy! So once you do reach adulthood, don't take it too personally. It's a parental thing. Wink

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Yeah.. I've learned a lot from my experiences. A lot about life, about myself and I've learned to deal with things better. I know there's a difference between wanting, and needing. My options are

A)- giving the baby up for adoption. The way I see it the baby could very well end up with the kind of life I did. I wouldn't be the one it wants when it cries mommy, I won't be there to see it take it's first steps or for it's first christmas. On the other hand I know It could have a good life with a family that's probably ready to have a child. NOBODY is ever ready for a child, being a parent is a learning experience that everyone goes through. They could have good paying jobs..Me and Andrew aren't exactly pulling in the money but we both work, so does my parents, and my sister, and together that's all we need.

OR

B) keep the baby

I could keep the baby, sure i'd have to sacrafice a lot of stuff, my own freedom but that's the choice me and Andrew made when we had sex. I know it's not going to be easy, but I am willing to give up whatever I have to, to give my child a better life then I ever had.

Angel

I'm 15 and I'm pregnant.. what do I do now??

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