umm...yeah looking at the phone book now...i dunno i feel as if i would be an idiot calling, cause i think there's probably a lot of other people out there who are worse then i am.
All of us, who have responded here, have said essentially the same thing to you about seeking help. But the only person who can do anything about your state of being is you. You have to be the one to call for help, you have to be the one to see someone about it. We can support you in your efforts, but that's as far as it goes here. It is as I've said before, you have the power.
I know you need constant reassurance that you are not stupid, not an idiot, etc. etc. but if you find a counsellor, he or she will also be able to help you gain self-esteem. Wouldn't it be wonderful to believe in yourself and not need the outside reassurances? And with better self esteem you won't be so concerned what others think of you -- or assume that others think the worst of you. With an improved self esteem you will gain a certain amount of confidence that would help attract worthwhile people to you.
What it takes is getting some help. What won't get you self esteem is the constant self-berating you do. I know you must realize that. You need to start trusting in yourself that you are a decent person and stop with the negativity you constantly heap upon yourself.
sand5699 wrote:umm...yeah looking at the phone book now...i dunno i feel as if i would be an idiot calling, cause i think there's probably a lot of other people out there who are worse then i am.
Don't feel like an idiot, Sand. Don't worry that others should be calling. Do this for all for you. Life is meant to be happy. Friends are meant to be supportive. You can make it happen for yourself, but we can't do it for you. Jump in there and try a little counseling. If you don't like it... they won't force you to stay.
Hugs,
Piffka
Here's a poem by Nikki Giovanni... don't know if you'll like it or not.
"Cotton Candy on a Rainy Day"
Don't look now
I'm fading away
Into the gray of my mornings
Or the blues of every night
Is it that my nails
keep breaking
Or maybe the corn
on my secind little piggy
Things keep popping out
on my face
or
of my life
It seems no matter how
I try I become more difficult
to hold
I am not an easy woman
to want
They have asked
the psychiatrists . . . psychologists . . . politicians and social workers
What this decade will be
known for
There is no doubt . . . it is
loneliness
__________
Sand--
Make the call. All sizes of problems are welcome. Sure, some people are more unhappy than you are--but that isn't your problem. You are your problem.
holy ****, completly wasted...why cause everyone else was...and yeah i was sore from ice skating. yeah that doesn't makes sense but i don't care...i need someone, something to vent to...but yet i still can't...cause i'm afraid u'll judge me, isn't that great and i'm not just writing so i have constant reassurance that i'm are not stupid, not an idiot, etc. etc. blahh
Sand, we are all different people here, who have been through different things. All of us have sympathy for you.
But me, I don't want to hear much more dumping of feelings without hearing that you are listening and trying to help pull yourself out of your problems by yourself working with a counseler.
You're wasted again and stuff happened. Stuff happening after everybody is wasted is not new to any of us.
Hoping you decide to get a grip.
Sand--
Right now you don't like yourself much--and you haven't for some time. You need help, but keep postponing getting help because you "don't want to be judged".
A trained therapist is not going to decide whether or not you are going to be admitted to heaven. A trained therapist is going to help you decide what changes you need to make in your life so you will be happier.
Are you afraid to set goals for yourself? Right now you are scared to drink--and terrified when you don't drink. You want change--without making any effort to produce change.
We care, but we can't force you to change/ We recommend that you find a counselor. You reply that you don't want to be judged.
How about you find a Pet Rock and tell the Pet Rock your troubles? A Pet Rock won't judge you. Of course, it won't particularly help you, but that's another story.
Sand, you are a worthwhile person who is very unhappy. Please pick up the telephone and make an appointment to start the rest of your life. If you don't want a one-on-one experience, consider AA. All AA members have been where you are--they will not judge.
Good luck, Sand.
there is so much good advice here Sand ... please act on it and get to a counsellor and doctor.
You think your problems are unimportant compared with other peoples?? so if you have a bad pain in your chest you don't think you should bother the doctor because someone might be having a heart attack and be really ill? there are degrees in all illnesses but they all need treatment of varying degrees and the doctor and counsellor are the ones who are qualified to judge the treatment needed.
they certainly won't 'judge' you as they will have dealt with many cases like yours and may have suffered themselves at some time. You are not stupid or unworthy or any other derogatory word - you are depressed and depression is a treatable illness and you can feel much better - surely that is what you want long term? What Soz said is so true.
get yourself some help NOW, from people with the expertise to see you through.
ossobuco wrote: Stuff happening after everybody is wasted is not new to any of us.
This would be funnier if it weren't so true. You are lucky that things didn't turn out much worse. It's time to make a change, Sand; surely you can that. Noddy is giving you excellent advice.
Sand--
You might not like our advice, but we are concerned about you. How are things going?
Its not that i don't like your guys advice...its just things have been better lately, i've been happier not down. And when i come here i read past posts and i start thinking about things again, and i get down again. I know i'm just running away from my problems, and that probably very soon i'll be back down again. But i have this week to go then a week break from school. And to try to do anything now would be pointless, our school is so back logged when needing counseling. We will see how the next two weeks go...though i know going home won't make things better...i'll just get nagged more about things i haven't done yet.
I dunno right now...i was in such a good mood today till reading something then my mood got switched...maybe i'm just tired..i dunno
What I don't understand is why you give yourself excuses. Your life is in limbo, not moving forward. No matter what you say, you aren't truly happy. Your happy times are those times when you are able to ignore the issues that bring you down during other times. When you can't ignore it, or something reminds you of it, your happiness bubble is burst. You've pretty much stated that in your post. If you gain the tools to deal with what makes you incable of true happiness, you can be on the road to a better life for yourself.
I know what I've said sounds harsh but I feel it was necessary to say. You will never be happy unless you deal with those reasons that continually bring you down.
Sand--
Right now I gather you have chosen to embrace the status quo rather than seeking change. This is your decision and we respect your right to make your decisions.
If at some point in the future you need a sounding board, we're here.
Well its been a week since i wrote anything. I'm now home on break. Things are going good. I've just got back and re-read everything...and i know i don't want to feel that low again! I don't have the number here at home, but i'm def. calling on monday. I know that i'm going to be feeling low again pretty soon and i wanna catch it before it happens. Well i don't know what else to write right now, but i thought i would update u guys. I'll check in tomorrow...ttyl
Hi, Sand (do it! at least check in with them...)
Sand--
Glad to hear that you've found an area of temporary calm. As far as "don't have the number"--you have the college number and you can ask the switchboard for student health services.
Consider making that call now while you're cheerful and have the energy to make calls.
Good luck. Keep in touch.
I have no problem, therefore i should not be sad, or depressed. Therefore should not need a drink to try to make me happy and forget my problems...oh but then i am...but then why am i doing this if i have no problem
...i always say my friends are bad friends when really its me who is a bad friend...god...i can't believe i was that self centered... 