so lost

Welcome Sand!
Plenty of people here for you to talk with.

Hi Sand and welcome to A2K. I honestly think you need to talk to someone. No one can force you to take meds and you might just get something out of it. There have been many times in my life where I have felt down, but things always found a way of getting better over time. Maybe it's just a phase that you're going through right now. If I only had a nickle for every phase I went through, heck, I'd be rich.

Husker is right in saying that there are plenty of caring people here at A2K who will surely stop in with some helpful advice.

Hang in there ;-)

Hello Sand,
Welcome to a2k. I'm sorry you're down. Sunday night is a slow time here... most of us live in the states & it's bedtime. That's where I was headed, but I don't want you to feel nobody is listening. Being in college at any age is hard. There are lots of different things to worry about -- classes, friends, work, family. Lots of stress.

Is the feeling of being lost only because of losing contact with your friends, or is it because of something else? Are the friends you mention some people you've met in college or friends you'd had before?

I went to a huge university when I was in school. Talk about being lost! I started out having a high school friend as a roommate, but we weren't that close & she got a boyfriend I didn't like. (Yeech, she married him, stayed married for a gazillion years & they divorced a couple of years ago. What a mistake she made.) So I moved around for a few years from dorm to dorm, house to house, losing contact with most of my high school friends, finding a few new friends. It's not the end of the world if you don't have a huge group of friends, but you do need to find a couple of friends that you can be with and enjoy. College is the perfect time to find people who are interested in the same things you like.

If I had it to do over again though, I'd concentrate a LOT more on my studies and be more friendly with the people who were in my classes. (I was so shy that many probably thought I was a snob.)

Are you doing OK in school? Are you making friends with your instructors? Do you have a job? That's what you should be concentrating on right now. It's hard to give you feedback without knowing more. Make sure that you keep the friends you have. Call them just to find out how they're doing. Make arrangements to get together. Be interested in them. To have a friend, be a friend... you've probably heard that.

Sometimes people get along a lot easier with medication, so don't discount it entirely. Try for another month to see if you can manage without it. Can you take one or two evenings a week for physical activity (yoga, basketball) something to get yourself out & about? It's a good idea to keep a journal, even if all you do is print this posts. Plan things that are fun... even if it is only you doing it.

Things sometimes things look pretty bleak, but they don't have to stay that way. I'll be looking out for your posts tomorrow.

Piffka

Hi sand5699. I agree with what Montana and Piffka said. Some good advice there.

I know it can be hard to talk to someone, but I think you should try. No one needs to find out about getting help and all. And if they did, it's THEIR problem if they feel you are "**** up in the head" and "not worth their time." (As you put it.) Those type of people are not worth having around. If you're still in college, you should be able to access student counselling. They can either help you or lead you to the person who could help you. There could be so many reasons for you to feel the way you do...hormonal imbalance, life stresses, being away from home (I'm assuming that last one is true)...it can all impact you. Going to school is a big life transition. It sounds like it's something you haven't come to terms with yet since you mentioned you had been feeling this way since starting college.

Piffka was right about finding some type of physical activity to engage yourself in. Not only for getting out, but being physically active helps as an outlet for stress.

Like Piffka, I too was very shy in school, but unlike Piffka, when I look back I think I would have been better off not having my head in the books so much! You need that balance between recreational fun and keeping studies up in school. Having that balance will make college a good experience I believe.

Does your college offer any peer counselling? If it does that would be ideal. It would be a fellow student (albeit someone a year or two ahead of you) who knows what you're going through and will be sympathetic enough to not judge you for asking for help. Whoever you do talk to, whether it be a peer counsellor or a college counsellor, make sure you feel at ease with that person. If you don't ask to see someone else. It's all about doing what feels right for yourself!

I feel for you because I've gone through some of the same experiences at your age. Try not to be so concerned with what other people think. Pump yourself up! You know yourself you're a worthwhile person to know. You're going through some tough times emotionally, but it won't be this way forever.

As Piffka said, it's difficult to advise you more until we know more. Keep us all posted!

Yep, balance is good!

Where's Sand?

Sand--

Congratulations for mustering your gumption and admitting that right now you do not like the life you are living; that you are confused and frightened and you feel out of control.

Defining a problem is the first step in dealing with a problem.

Other respondents here have raised some good points. Let me do some reinforcing:

1. Exercise. Tempermentally, I'm a pathological slug. I loathe exercise.
B-U-T when I don't spend at least thirty minutes a day in motion (walking, cycling, waving my arms and legs around) I tend to get gloomy thoughts and sleep poorly and think more gloomy thoughts.

We might sound a little brutal. You are obviously suffering in your mind and spirit and this bunch of strangers is telling you to exercise. Mind, spirit and body are connected. Right now your thoughts are gloomy and you don't have control over your inner life, but you can choose to exercise.

2. You need to talk to someone. You mention that your friends seem distant and unhelpful. Why not make an appointment at the student health center to talk to a stranger? You've posted to us--and we're just caring people without any particular training.

What is a stranger going to notice? That you're unhappy? Well, you are unhappy. That you don't know what to do about your unhappiness? Well, you don't know what to do about your unhappiness. You're not weird--you're unhappy. The college seems big and impersonal, but the Student Health Center has people you can talk to about your unhappiness who will help you explore possibilities for changing into a person who isn't miserable.

3. Medicine. If you are over 18, no one can make you take a pill if you choose not to take a pill. You are a legal adult and can make your own decisions about treatment.

The fact that you've been depressed for 2 1/2 years makes me guess that depression has become a habit--a habit and a downward spiral. Does every day seem a bit harder than the day before? After talking with you face-to-face a trained professional might be able to suggest some medication that would help you break the downward spiral.

College is a time of self discovery. You can't do a lot of self-exploration if you are too unhappy and tired and frightened to look around.

If a doctor suggested putting your broken leg in a cast so the leg could heal, you would agree immediately. When healing was finished, the cast would come off. Why not consider a chemical crutch until your spirit has done a bit of healing?

Good luck, Sand. Please let us know how you're doing. We care.

Thank you all for your suggestions, but like i said i have a problem telling people face to face my problems. When i was younger my parents forced me to go see a counselor and i wouldn't talk to her then, i'm afraid i'm going to do the same thing now. I know i don't want to but i can't verbalize how i feel. I have a friend here at school that i talk to be even then we only do serious conversations over im or if we are completely wasted. I know thats not a good thing. And even though we have shared very personal information, i still am constantly doubting our friendship, cause we can't verbalize to each other with whats going on. But i'm such a shy person and i feel i need to act a certain way to have people like me. I have had self-esteem problems most of my life but not here at college it seems to be more apparent. I go through these phases of where things will be good for awhile, but then, i'll start thinking about things and start doubting my friendships and other aspects of my life. I just feel like its all my fault, that i should just get over it. I know i should feel that i have a good life and friends that care about me. But i don't feel that way. As for the exercesing i do do that but it does make me feel better for a little while but then i'm right back down. It so hard, i know what i need to do, but i can't do it.

I used to be very shy myself. When people are shy they are very self oriented and think people are judging them all the time. Being very shy and confused about self esteem is a situation that a lot of us have been through. I came out of my own shyness gradually, in part by reading a lot about what other people are going through - reading a lot of books, which were my main company as a teenager. I also worked during my schooling, which is a little hard for me to recommend as it is quite challenging to do well in school and work too. But in my case it helped, as I worked in a hospital, and exchanged views and learned things from lots of fellow workers, and became suddenly (it seemed) more interested in how other people were thinking and getting along and was less tuned in to myself.

I don't mean this as to say that someone shy is selfish. I just mean that the world opens up to include you more when you start to open up and include it back, and actually care about how other people are doing - not to compare yourself, but to be interested in them, worry about them.

The business of not being comfortable talking with people - you are worried so much about being judged by someone who is unsympathetic, who will "snap" at you in some way. Most counselers don't do that. And you will need to learn to talk to people as you grow into adulthood - it will make your life much richer, and you may find after getting started that you really like it, and don't need to get wasted to do it. In fact getting wasted actually works against communication a lot of the time and makes you feel lonelier in the end.

Getting wasted can be a form of self-medication. Is it really helping?

I do that myself, but in moderation. But, well, we are talking to each other now. Let us wait and see if Sand comes back and posts again.

sorry i haven't responded lately, but i've had people in and out of the room and can't really type all that much

Oh, good, hi, sand.

sand5699: I don't know what more to say other than what's already been said. I still strongly urge you to see a student counsellor. You've talked about your reluctance to do so, but wouldn't seeing someone who can help you be better than continuing to endure what you are going through? They are trained to know how to talk to you, even if you don't feel you can properly talk to them.

ossobuco's words are right on the money. I think there is a propensity for shy people to be a little more sensitive to the actions and reactions of others. Sometimes shy people perceive the mood or actions of someone else to be directed towards themselves. Having gone through those feelings myself, I would tell you to not take things so personally. Doesn't it make sense that others are going through some trials and tribulations of their own rather than attribute their behaviour as something against you?

You don't have to "act a certain way" to have people like you. Just be yourself. Try to put things in perspective. Five years from now will it really matter if certain people like you or not? Do you think they worry about whether or not you like them? I think if you worry less about how to behave so people like you and just be a good person, you'll relax more in social settings and others will see that.

Take the advice of those here. It's good stuff!

Oh, yeah. What turns out to be almost funny, is when you finally start to just try, moment to moment to be yourself, people tend to like you more, if not all of them all the time. Really, don't worry about it. Listen to yourself much more than you do, and listen to others too.

i know i know, but as you all said it is a very difficult thing to do. Believe me your comments have helped. I'm just so nervous...cause i don't want something wrong with me. I so want to be normal and not having another thing against me. I know it just sounds like i'm whiney and not serious about this but for me who have felt this way for 2 and half years and now have just started talking about it to you guys, its gonna take a couple of days to get the courage to admit to a counselor that i have a problem, and by doing that finally telling myself that I have a problem

Hey sand, I think that you just did that!

You're not different, you're just like all of us, and we have grown up to be fairly interesting people. We support you, come back and talk whenever you want.

thank you guys so much. I will definatley keep you updated.

and now as i try to help another friend out who feels exactly the same way, it brings me back down and i start thinking about things and i'm lost again