so lost

i am such a loser...why do i bother...why i post here? i don't know...maybe so i don't scare off my friends i dunno...
yeah...i'm crying...cause yeah i'm a loser

Sand--

Glad you survived the summer. Congratulations.

Consider: If your friends aren't part of the solution, could they be part of the problem? Party people consume a lot of alcohol and alcohol is a depressant.

Are you back at school?

yeah i'm back at school. Maybe here's the problem, cause i didn't have any problems this summer...but then when i was home all i did was work, never hung out with friends.
i dunno

Sand--

You have what? One, two more years of college? Am I right in remembering that you have a major in one of the sciences? I do remember you have some sort of student job--and that this steadies you, at least while you're on the job.

What can you do with your time besides study and drink and work?

Do you have any hobbies? If not, why not?

Can you imagine a Halloween costume that reflects your deepest desires? What it is?

Questions might give you answers.

Listening. And still hoping you just check in at the student health center, along with hundreds of others, to establish a base to go to if you get stressed in the future.

Occobuco--

I'm glad you're here. Sand needs more good sense than I have.

And I'm glad you're here, Noddy. But we are both far. I know talking to us is easier than going to the health center, as we aren't there looking back at you, but we aren't always at hand if you really need someone to listen.

Really, Sand, the people at the health center aren't scary, in general, and mostly understand. Some of them understand way more than you would guess. I think you need a cushion. I know you feel good sometimes and depressed sometimes. You need someone besides immediate associates to reach to.

alright...so i don't know what is about to happen...right now i am visting some one in conn....and its been one drunken weekend....but just recently i've told some one how i have been feeling and told him to come visit this site...so he has....and he says we should talk to face to face...so this should be interesting....i am so lost and so confused...and i guess kind of how this person handles all my posts, this should help determine how other people see me. so i am really confused and don't know whats going to happen and the next two days...all i can say wow, and i hope this helps, if it doesn't then i don't know where i stand, and i don't know what to do.

sand--

You're confused, but you seem to be trying to sort out your confusions.


If this guy can help, fine. If he can't, you haven't lost anything except some more time.

Now, the Broken Record Speech to Sand: Call your Student Health Center and make an appointment to talk to someone about your confusion.

As far as confusion goes, you haven't made any progress since last year and your liver is beginning to share your mental confusion.

Good luck, Sand. Let us know how it goes with you.

i'm such an idiot to believe that anything would change. Oh believe i tried to talk to him after sat. night, but yeah it just hasn't worked out.
Sigh...
anywho no i still haven't called probably won't, sorry if you guys are agrivated, don't post thats fine...just writing, so i don't go do something stupid....and for like the first in a long time, i'm actually writing this sober...
yeah don't know what else to write...so just gonna watch some more t.v. and hope that sleep comes to me soon

sand--

I'm up way past my bedtime, and chanced to see your message. Sorry Prince Charming didn't pan out--but in this day and age a Damsel In Distress is far better off plotting her own rescue.

I'm on your side, sand--your better side. Sleep sober (which will be hard) and wake up prepared to do some planning.

Good luck.

Prince charming...thats a good one. That really made me laugh. but it is not like that, i was just looking for a friend. Maybe i'm expecting to much, i don't know. yeah i'm still sober will be the night...should go to bed, but still can't sleep.
Thanks for your post though Noddy, i really wasn't expecting anything. hmmm don't know

sand--

You probably didn't sleep well last night--but you're probably used to not sleeping well.

How is school going this year? Classes? Friends? Your job?

Your posts sound terribly unhappy--I wish I could offer something besides the same, old, trite advice, but I can't hog tie you and dump you on the doorstep of your Health Center.

I do care what happens to you--please keep in touch.

School is going by really fast, i can't believe that its already half way through the semester. Classes aren't that bad either. i'm taking more classes that are dealing with my major which is accounting, so i'm enjoying it more. My job, kinda sucks it's just an on campus job, i mostly just file for 6hrs a week...yuck. And hmmm the last topic friends...i really don't know i would love to say everything is fine, but thats just not true. I haven't been called a bitch to my face yet this year. So i guess that can't be to bad. But i have been told i'm distant, but its kinda hard not to be when i'm never invited to do something with them. Or when i try to get something started they all say no. And i can't share any personal information with them because they like to tell the other ones. But actually those are just the girls they live in a triple so their close, where's i'm in a single in another building. And i did try getting near them, i'm not just some hermet that is saying how lonely i am, when i'm not doing anything to help the situation. Hmmm i really don't know what more to say about the situation, but i do if you don't mind have a couple of questions for the people who are reading this. Are you depressed? and if you are how did know, and how long did it take you to go see some one? If you don't want to answer thats fine....just wondering...guess thats it for now...byes

You're an accounting major? Why, I am too!!! I'm actually in the business lab posting since my homework is so incredibly odious and I really do not want to do it right now, but must, kwim? Your tag line worries me, are you so sad and depressed that you cry? I certainly hope not! And you post while drinking, it sounds like? In vino, veritas, is one of the few latin phrases I know by heart... Hope you don't drink to drown your problems, but for its medicinal purposes... Like *I* do...

The problem I'm doing now is a messy one with adjustments for goods lost through carelessness and then an amortized loan schedule or some such stuff... then I have to make up a report about what is past due to the company, estimate the taxes for the month, all for a ficticious company... then print up a bunch of reports... Anyway, if you want to feel sorry for yourself, do, but take a moment to feel sorry for *me*, too, caught like a bug in a web of accounting when I am meant to really be a butterfly...

I had "severe depressive episode" when I was in my mid-thirties, brought on by "cognative dissonance". "Cognative dissonance" means that my world was simply not making sense according to the rules I live by.

I grew increasingly tired, increasingly hopeless and eventually started to cry and was unable to stop. At the emergency room they asked me if I had thought of suicide. I snorted and told them that I was much too exhausted to plan anything as complicated as suicide.

I was hospitalized for about a week, released with a prescription for Xantax and some couples counseling.

I feel no shame about my breakdown--I was trying to do the impossible, so of course I failed.

Hope this information helps, Sand.

princess...boy do i feel sorry for you, i know what your talking about and damn....thats killer. I wish you good luck!!!

And Noddy that does help a lot. I just want to say thank you so much for you posting back to me.

As for something thats gone good, is that my friend just came over and we talked, which was good. We hadn't done that in a long time. And not with it being me the person that needed talking. We didn't get to deep which is find, it was mostly him just telling me he knew what i was going through. And that was good.
I'm a little bit more relieved, and i know i know you've guys have done the same for me many times, but you all know that having that person right next to you, and not just on the computer helps. Which also means you guys would tell me that seeings how good i just felt talking to him a little, how much better i would feel talking to a counsellor. So yeah...not to that point yet, but getting closer. Uh...don't know what else to say, but byes

Sand--

Glad that you're thinking clearly. "Closer" means that you've started your journey. The first steps are the hardest.

lets just hope i can continue on.

sand--

I'll hope--that's my job.

You have the harder part--to continue moving forward to change and happiness.