are suicide thoughts always there....lingering...waiting till slip back into full force...? blah
Sand--
Suicide?
I'm guessing that you don't want to be dead as much as you want another, happier life in which you have more control over your destiny.
You are not happy with your present world. Suicide is one way out--but dead is forever.
Would you rather punish your parents by killing yourself or reluctantly give them the You-Were-Right satisfaction of getting counseling?
As long as you are unhappy, you're going to think about suicide.
my parents have no idea about this, which is one reason why i didn't go home this weekend, i couldn't fake being happy around them that much.
On an earlier post you said that you'd had some sort of psychiatric counseling--which your parents had insisted upon--and it had done no good.
Perhaps I jumped to conclusions, but I got the impression that you are struggling very hard to be a completely independent, self-created personality.
Being so depressed that you can't fool your parents is one reason you didn't go home this weekend. What are the other reasons?
they MADE me go to counseling in 6th grade for different reasons...thats one reason i'm so hesitant to go to one now, how can i put that behind me.
that was the main reason, the other reason was because i had lots of hw to do.
Sand--
They MADE you go? Why? Unhappiness has many faces, but usually there is one root cause.
I'll let the homework bit pass, reading that as a "didn't want to make time" statement.
Sand, you are worrying me tonight.
i don't know, they thought i had an eating disorder, but instead of coming to me and talking about it, they thought they should send me to a counselor. And they were just gonna pick me up one day after school and drop me off there. But instead the people from the center called the house and i picked up, and i found out that way i had an appointment set up for counseling. yeah i was pissed still am, and i never talked to her. I didn't want to go. I didn't even have an eating disorder, and still don't
Why did they think you had an eating disorder? Did they want a trendy kid? Did they want a label for behavior that they couldn't explain?
Are your parents the sort of people who insist on Doing Things for your good--because they love you-- without consulting you?
i don't know why they thought i did. and they are definately that last line of your post. Man i'm 21 years old and she still has to know everything i'm doing. When i was home this summer it was awful, i couldn't do anything with out telling them where i was going, who i was going with and when i would be home. Thats just bullshit. And they did the same thing with my 26 year old brother who had just moved home from montana...they still treat us as if we are kids...its horrible
I can see some house rules--just as a matter of courtesy for preparing meals and locking the front door--but your parents sound a bit overboard.
Do you think your parents are trying to live through you? Or are they people who must have control over every part of a situation--and everyone involved in that situation?
Interesting that they would suspect anorexia. One of the more sensible theories about anorexia is that the patient--usually a young girl--stops eating as a demonstration that she can control something about her life.
Unfortunately, anorexia can be fatal.
By the by, is your mother worried about growing old?
my mom likes to control everything, and she controls everyone in the family. my dad most of the time goes along so they don't have a fight. one time she didn't talk to my dad for a whole month just because she didn't want to eat at pizza hut when we all did. no my mom doesn't care about looks or growing old.
Your mother doesn't sound like an easy person to live with. Would you say she is a perceptive woman? Would she be able to tell that you were unhappy?
Would your unhappiness bother her because she loves you? Or because she would feel it reflected badly on her?
yuck to deep right now, no i don't thinks shes perceptive woman, well only if it would relate to her, and how other people saw her...thanks for trying to distract me right now...but its not working
Maybe this'll distract you: the debate in Missouri!!! Didja see it? Come on over to the politics forum and hash it all out w/us, girlfriend!
umm sorry, but not into politics at all
Sand--
I'm not trying to distract you. You are sitting on a pile of unanalysed misery and I'd like you to pin down exactly what you are unhappy about.
"Know thyself."
--Plutarch
Remember, I have no power. I can't distract you or cheer you up or convince you that life is worth living. You are in charge of your own life.
Sorry to leave you in misery, but I'm off to my bed. I did some tidying up in the yard today and I'm aching.
Check in tomorrow, will you? I worry.
slipping...slipping very far...why why can't i be happy, why sad, whats wrong with me
sand--
I'm not a doctor, but I'd guess that you've been down so far and down so long that you've forgotten which way is up. Depression and alcohol (which is a depressant) have your thinking badly skewed.
You need to consult a professional. A professional counselor will be no more intrusive than I've been--and well may be less.
Change is frightening, but unless you change you may not survive.
what if i don't want to survive
This is your choice. You're already killing yourself slowly with alcohol.
What do you think people will say about you when you are dead?
