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How old were you when you had your 1st boyfriend/girlfriend?

 
 
sozobe
 
  3  
Mon 5 Dec, 2011 04:39 pm
@GracieGirl,
I responded from a post on the first or second page when I saw nobody else had responded to it -- just getting caught up on the rest.

The two things I think are most important are:

- Your definition of "relationship" and your dad's might be very different. As you can see, there have been a bunch of definitions offered here. If you define to him what you think it means, that might help.

- No parent wants to learn about a major development in their child's life via Facebook! That was likely to get things off on the wrong foot right there.

I think every parent worries as their kids get older about how much they DON'T know, what their kids might be up to. And the idea that those kids are being secretive -- rather than being open with the parent and telling them what's going on in their lives -- is scary. Fear can often lead to anger.
GracieGirl
 
  1  
Mon 5 Dec, 2011 09:18 pm
@Ragman,
Ragman wrote:

You go, girl.

You show here that you have the ability to listen to reason and hear advice despite your strongly held views. I'm confident (once again) that you'll do fine with this and other issues in your life. You make us 'adults' glad we talk to you to help you sort things out.

Just please don't say this again: "he makes me hate him". I cringe when I read that. Also, you need to know you are in a power struggle. Power struggles like this have always been there with teens and their parents. We've all been there. Where yours differs is that you might need another adult person to help smooth this out a bit more and not make it so arbitrary and rigid.

I feel strongly that you'll come out of this issue a wiser and stronger person. AFTER you have Colin over for dinner let's see what happens. I would hope and think that he will back off, too ... but if not, I'd be pushing for a 3rd adult to help HIM moderate his stand. God knows how you two will work that scenario out...but it's a good idea nonetheless.


Thanks Ragman!! Mr. Green

That's awesome and I'm glad I talk to you guys too. You help alot. Smile

I don't really hate my dad. I'm just mad at him. I'll stop saying that.

For some reason my dads still mad about everything and I think that's really stupid so I didn't ask him about Collin yet. I don't wanna ask him when hes mad because I know he'll say no just because he can. I'm still grounded too, I can't do anything.

But anyway, it sounds like you're on my side kinda and that's awesome! I thought more people would see how unfair it is but parents always stick up for each other. Rolling Eyes

But yeah, thanks for being soo nice and for all the compliments and stuff. You're really awesome and your my friend. Smile
0 Replies
 
GracieGirl
 
  1  
Mon 5 Dec, 2011 10:09 pm
@Ticomaya,
Ticomaya wrote:

GracieGirl wrote:
I dont know, maybe because you were bigger it was easy for you to fit in. I mean, you weren't noticeably smaller or younger. Plus you were a boy. I dont think parents give boys as many rules as girls. It's soo sexist. You could do all the things your friends could, right?

I do think because I wasn't smaller it was easier. I honestly hardly ever thought about the fact that I was younger, and mostly forgot about it.

Yeah, I do suppose boys are treated differently than girls. Us dads feel an obligation to protect girls to a greater degree than boys.

And, no, I could not do all the things my friends could do.

My 13 year old son doesn't get to do all the things his friends do, either. And he doesn't have a cell phone yet ... he may be the only kid in his grade (8th) without a cell phone (which he reminds me of often), but that's fine. He doesn't need a cell phone. I managed to survive my childhood without a cell phone. "But Dad, all my friends have a cell phone," has not yet been an effective argument for him.


You're son doesn't have a cell phone and he's my age? I dont get it, why? What's wrong with having a cell phone? Confused

I could soo help him with his argument. Razz

First of all, what if something happens and he's in trouble or hurt and you're not around? What then? If he doesn't have his own phone how can he let you or anyone else know he's hurt?

Secondly, how can he talk to friends? Most people like to text and you can't text with a house phone. and cell phones make it soo much easier. Having friends and talking to them and hanging out is important too.

GracieGirl
 
  2  
Mon 5 Dec, 2011 10:11 pm
@ossobuco,
ossobuco wrote:

Yeh, but that could flummox stuff if the third person was a fool.

I strongly think Gracie and her father need to walk and talk. Have to look back, what did I say, open a channel... by which I meant, whatever I said, channel of communication.




I try to talk to him but he won't listen.
I'll try to talk to him about Collin tomorrow after school when he gets home from work.
0 Replies
 
GracieGirl
 
  1  
Mon 5 Dec, 2011 10:37 pm
@CalamityJane,
CalamityJane wrote:

Well, I've had my share of ".....but the others can do it, why not me?" when Jane was around that age, I am not about to start this here. Bottom line is,
Gracie has to obey her father's wishes, if she sees logic in them or not, is secondary here. Yes, she's a mature 13 year old, but we also have seen her naivety come through many times, so I uphold my reason to side with her Dad.

I still have these arguments of "why can't I do that?"....but with proper reasoning and explanation, Jane eventually comes around and understands. She actually questions her friends parents who allow them
to do things she was prohibited to do. Now she thinks they don't care enough about their kids.....that's how fast the table turns Smile
-----

Gracie, you're a sweet sweet girl and definitely smarter beyond your years, but there is also an emotional intelligence everyone has to grow into and
don't fault your dad for trying to protect his "little" girl. You mean the world to him and he just wants to protect you. Walk in his shoes for a few minutes....


Well, that's not fair. I'm not too naive for a boyfriend. And I don't have to do what my dad wants. I could tell dad that I'm not gonna date Collin but still date him anyway. My dads not with me 24/7. I barely see him during the week actually. If I'm careful he wouldn't find out. But I'm not doing that, am I? Noooo. I'm being honest and im trying to talk to him about it even though I'm mad and I think it's unfair and I wanna do what I want. That doesn't sound naive to me.

I do have emotional intelligence and I'm not his 'little' girl. I'm gonna be a grown up soon and in college and on my own and it's not my fault that he doesn't like it. I know he loves me and I mean the world to him and all that other stuff but come on, what's he trying to protect me from? Nothings gonna happen to me just because I wanna date guys.
GracieGirl
 
  1  
Mon 5 Dec, 2011 10:44 pm
@sozobe,
Hmmm. Well, I think the 10th grade idiot (Laughing) was the first because you like, went out and kissed and everything even though you didn't like him much and it didn't last long, he was still your first 'real' boyfriend, I think.

But I do get the point now about having different definitions of 'boyfriends'. Smile
0 Replies
 
GracieGirl
 
  1  
Mon 5 Dec, 2011 10:53 pm
@Eva,
Eva wrote:

GracieGirl wrote:

Eva wrote:

GracieGirl wrote:
...I don't know why I put it on Facebook. I was just excited and happy and I wanted all my friends to know. And I'm friends with my dad on Facebook but we dont talk or play games or anything there. So, sometimes I forget that he's there and he's checking stuff and everything. He shouldn't be checking my stuff anyway. I'm never on his Facebook page looking at all his stuff. That's why I don't even like going to my Facebook page to talk to friends anymore. He's soo annoying. Rolling Eyes


He wouldn't have to snoop, Gracie. It would have popped up on his News Feed. Whenever you change your relationship status, it's like making an announcement to the whole world. Everyone on your friends list is notified. If your dad changed his relationship status because of a girlfriend, it would pop up on your News Feed as well.


Oh yeah! I forgot about that. But still, he's the one who 'insists' that we be friends on facebook. So, I know it's because he wants to snoop around.
And Facebook is soo stupid. The News Feed is soo pointless and stalkerish. They keep changing stuff for no reason. Facebook was fine the way it was before.


I insisted that my son "friend" me, too. It was a condition of letting him be on FB. Before you accuse me of being unnecessarily snoopy or controlling...let me explain why parents do this.

I don't monitor his phone calls or text messages because those are private. But FB is public. What goes on there can affect you AND YOUR FAMILY's reputation. A parent has a responsibility to know what is being said about their family members in public. What you put on FB might as well be on a billboard. It's not private. Several times I've had to ask my son to remove certain postings because they would harm his ability to get a job (employers always check FB along with references) or his relationships with relatives that are FB friends. He's applying for colleges now, and they check applicants' FB pages, too. When I suggest that he remove something, his reply is always, "Oh, I forgot about that." THAT's why we monitor public stuff.


Oh, well, I get that. I didn't know bosses and college people check your facebook and stuff. But if you don't want your Facebook public, You could just set it to private, right? My Facebook is super private (because of my dad) and my a2k Facebook is semiprivate.
GracieGirl
 
  1  
Mon 5 Dec, 2011 10:57 pm
@Eva,
Eva wrote:

Gracie will most likely make some good choices and a few bad ones. But she's smart, and she'll learn from them. By the time she's ready for a serious relationship, I expect she'll have enough experience to recognize a wonderful guy.


Aww, thanks Eva! Thats really nice and it's awesome that you think that about me. I hope you're right. Smile Very Happy
0 Replies
 
GracieGirl
 
  1  
Mon 5 Dec, 2011 10:59 pm
@CalamityJane,
Wait! I do that ALL the time! Laughing How'd you know she custom designed it? Did someone tell you or can you just tell on your own? My dad never noticed.
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Mon 5 Dec, 2011 11:08 pm
@GracieGirl,
I looked at her computer where she was automatically logged in and there were so many status updates from Jane I had no idea of. So I checked her
custom design - it said "everyone except mom" (I changed that secretly again Wink )
Ragman
 
  1  
Tue 6 Dec, 2011 08:22 am
@CalamityJane,
chuckles
0 Replies
 
firefly
 
  3  
Tue 6 Dec, 2011 01:04 pm
@GracieGirl,
Quote:
Secondly, how can he talk to friends? Most people like to text and you can't text with a house phone. and cell phones make it soo much easier. Having friends and talking to them and hanging out is important too.

Gracie, if they had had cell phones when I was a teen, I don't think I would have even managed to graduate from high school. Laughing
Having friends, and talking to them, and hanging out, certainly is important, particularly at that time of life, in fact, that was probably the most important thing in my life at that age.

The main reason I went to school was to see my friends, going to classes was sorta the price I had to pay for being able to do that. My friends were the main part of my world, and I wanted to be in contact with them as much as possible. I was on the phone with my friends so many hours every single night that my parents finally got me my own phone and phone line so people they knew would be able to call our house.

If I had been able to be on the phone and text with my friends all day, as well as all evening, I don't know that I would have really focused on school much at all. In my day, my friends and I were reduced to passing notes in class, which limited us somewhat, but, if we could have been texting surreptitiously, all day, forget it, that's all we would have been doing and paying attention to. Female teens, in particular, have an unlimited capacity to yak with each other--they did then, and they do now. Laughing

So, I can understand why a parent might not want a young teen to have a cell phone, or might want to really limit the use of a cell phone.
We managed to get help when we needed it, even without cell phones.
firefly
 
  3  
Tue 6 Dec, 2011 02:27 pm
@GracieGirl,
Gracie, what's the difference, in your mind, between "dating" Collin and just hanging out with him--like doing homework together, listening to music, getting something to eat, etc.?
And what, in your mind, makes him a "boyfriend' rather than a friend who happens to be a boy?

I'd really like to know how you are using, and defining, those words, so I can have a better understanding of what you are talking about.

How old is Collin? Is he in your grade or ahead of you?
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Tue 6 Dec, 2011 02:44 pm
@firefly,
firefly, Collin is 15 years old - 2 years older than Gracie!
Ragman
 
  1  
Tue 6 Dec, 2011 03:10 pm
@CalamityJane,
... and she received double-promotion so most in her class are 2 yr older.
0 Replies
 
Ticomaya
 
  2  
Tue 6 Dec, 2011 04:01 pm
@GracieGirl,
GracieGirl wrote:
You're son doesn't have a cell phone and he's my age? I dont get it, why? What's wrong with having a cell phone? Confused

He doesn't need one. Wink

Quote:
I could soo help him with his argument. Razz

You could try ... Very Happy

Quote:
First of all, what if something happens and he's in trouble or hurt and you're not around? What then? If he doesn't have his own phone how can he let you or anyone else know he's hurt?

First of all, where is he at? If he's at a friend's house, he can use the phone. If he's at the park, he can use one of his friend's phones, because each of them have one! If he's at home, he can use the house phone.

As I said, I managed to survive my childhood without one. Cool

Quote:
Secondly, how can he talk to friends?

He uses the house phone. Shocked

Quote:
Most people like to text and you can't text with a house phone. and cell phones make it soo much easier. Having friends and talking to them and hanging out is important too.

Correct, he cannot text on the house phone. He doesn't need to text. He messages them on FB, and that seems to work. He has lots of friends. He does not need a cell phone to help him with that. Exclamation
Eva
 
  2  
Tue 6 Dec, 2011 04:08 pm
@GracieGirl,
GracieGirl wrote:

...I didn't know bosses and college people check your facebook and stuff. But if you don't want your Facebook public, You could just set it to private, right? My Facebook is super private (because of my dad) and my a2k Facebook is semiprivate.


Yes, employers and colleges DO check Facebook pages. Our school's college counselor keeps reminding students that they would be surprised how much of a FB page is public. Photos, for example. Many a "drunk with friends" photo on FB has kept someone from being accepted to a top college.

Look at what you have on your basic information, for example: "I'm too cool for school"..."Slackers 'R' Us"..."Sittin' on my @ss at Unemployed"... You probably posted that stuff thinking it was funny and would make your friends laugh, right? And it will. But it would present a very negative public image of you to someone who doesn't already know you.

Be sure you clean up your page before you start applying for jobs or colleges, okay? Wink

CalamityJane
 
  1  
Tue 6 Dec, 2011 08:28 pm
@Eva,
I actually used a facebook entry from a former employee who wanted to get terminated and openly wrote "Finally I am free and don't have to work any longer. Now I have time to be with my....." I copied it and sent it to the EED when she tried to collect unemployment.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Tue 6 Dec, 2011 08:38 pm
@Eva,
Eva wrote:

Be sure you clean up your page before you start applying for jobs or colleges, okay? Wink


It's amazing what you can pick up from the archives of other people's FB pages. I don't think anything ever completely disappears there.

It's also fairly easy to see photos of people by going in from their friends pages. Learned that by seeing things in my account while looking at something else from Set's account. Interesting and a bit disturbing.

There's also the Google cache approach to finding things people have posted. It came up when we hired investigators to look into something - they picked up a lot of things from Google cache that then caused our lawyers to request access to FB accounts. A judge can demand the info - and there is serious legal trouble here if there's evidence you tried to 'fix' the account after the judge ordered the info.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Tue 6 Dec, 2011 08:41 pm
@CalamityJane,
I think someone at A2k has mentioned it in the past, but I know one person IRL who controls the passwords to their childrens FB account's.

Any changes to the passwords or the accounts can mean suspension of a LOT of freedoms.
0 Replies
 
 

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