How old were you when you had your 1st boyfriend/girlfriend?

@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

I wasn't exactly thinking about my dad when it happened...

this is, in part, the hot zone Sozobe has mentioned to you

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@shewolfnm,

shewolfnm wrote:

Ticomaya wrote:

Quote:
Im NOT childish and I'm wayy more mature than other 13 year olds ... I understand NO just fine. Doesnt mean I'm gonna listen when I hear it.

Actually, that sounds like quite a lot of 13 year olds.

* ding ding ding*

:0)
still love ya gracie.. but...

*ding ding ding*

Does anyone miss being 13?

Laughing

1 Reply

Wow! This is popular.

I'm not certain because I was reluctant to call anyone my boyfriend. I first noticed him when I was about 14. He was a year and a half older, although I didn't know that then. I wouldn't meet him until I was 17 and a high school senior and he was just about to start his sophomore year at CalTech. We were together, intermittently from the time I was 17 until I was 23, when he married another woman he had an intermittent relationship with. They separated after a year but only divorced nine years later. He contacted me then and we learned that we were both such geekly babes in the wood that we each were waiting for the other to say I love you first.

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Does anyone miss being 13?

Not me. And I thank Murphy every day for not being a woman. Otherwise I'd have to go to go through all that hormonal stuff again about now. (I'm 42.)

1 Reply

@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

Thanks Thomas!! Exactly! You're the only one who gets that.

Maybe because he was never a parent.

No offense, Thomas, but Gracie's father is not going to look at this situation as a "jurist."

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@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

shewolfnm wrote:

Quote:
A mature teen has condoms even though they may not want sex because they KNOW it can happen. Doesnt make them bad.. just makes them smart.

And isnt it the boy's job to get condoms?

no, it's not the young man's job to get condoms. (I can't call someone who's sexually active a boy or girl, it's just wrong to me)

it 's the responsibility of a mature teen who knows that sex is a possibility to be prepared - and that means having condoms or at the very very least discussing them with your potential partner

~~~~

Gracie, there's nothing unusual about having sexual feelings at your age. Nothing bad or abnormal. One of the difficult things though is understanding that at the same age that you're having those feeling you also have to take responsibility for what happens if you act on those feelings.

The reality is that it's not always fully thought out before you act on the feelings.

That reality is scary for any parent of a young man or woman.

Really really read cJane's postings in this thread. She's in the middle of this from a parent's perspective. It is scary.

~~~~

Also - try to remember that there's not a lot new under the sun with teen sexuality.

My mother was one of seven sisters. She was the only one of the seven who didn't have to get married - the other six were pregnant when they were married. That was 50 - 80 years ago, and they didn't invent teen sex or the consequences.

Some of the language is used differently now i.e. dating/relationships mean sex to most people of my generation.

Things like texting and FB are new - but teens always found ways to get together.

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@firefly,

firefly wrote:

Quote:
Well, I don't think that's quite fair.

The whole "stopping him from kissing you" thing. She likes him, and has for a long time, and he asks her out (yay!) and then kisses her (yay!) -- these are things she's happy about, and I think that's fine. I don't think that in and of itself it's anything she has to feel bad about. It also doesn't sound like it was something where impulse and emotion were really the main factors -- she wanted to kiss him before the kiss, she wanted to kiss him during the kiss, she wanted to kiss him after the kiss. Not something she regretted.

I think we may be viewing the sequence of events differently, possibly because we don't have that many details.
I'm not under the impression that Collin actually asked Gracie out, on a date, the way you or I might think of it--Do you want to get some pizza after school? Want to go to a movie with me? Want to go to the mall on Saturday?--nor does it sound like they have ever actually been on "a date" of that type.
It sounds more like Collin, who Gracie has been in classes with for years, suddenly started paying more attention to her in school, and they began talking more in school, and then he kissed her, in school.
That's my understanding of events from Gracie's description, and it was in that context that I made my remarks.

sozobe wrote

Quote:

The impression I have is that the timeline is something like this:

- For a while now, she's liked Collin (more than just this year)

- He asked her out. (When I said that I didn't mean "would you like to go to Penny's Pizza joint on Friday?", I meant the more colloquial version: verbally expressing interest in her in the form of a question, which she answered in the affirmative.)

Then after that, and not immediately, these things happened, though I'm not sure which first:

- They kissed.

- She changed her Facebook status to "in a relationship."

Then after that:

- Her dad saw the Facebook status, and didn't like it one bit.

sozobe is closer. This is how it really happened.

-I've had a crush on Collin for like 3 years but he never really noticed me.

- Last month my teacher made us partner up in drama class and we had fun (he's soo funny) and got along really well and stuff and I think that's when he started to like me

-We started hanging out and talking and stuff in the mornings before the 1st period bell rang, we'd sit together with our friends on the courtyard at lunch and we'd talk and joke around in drama class. We talked on facebook too. (We were already friends there. I'm friends with almost everybody at my school on facebook, even some of the teachers.)

-Then he started walking me to all my classes and we'd talk about stupid stuff and he was like I wanna ask you about something at lunch and I was like 'Ok.'

-So we were talking and stuff for awhile and he said 'I like you alot Gracie.' and then he was saying all this other stuff like, I'm pretty and he thinks I'm beautiful and everything and I was freaking out and it was kinda awkward because I wasnt saying anything. I was just like 'Thanks" and I was just smiling and looking down and it was just perfect and awkward at the same time. Smile

And then he was like 'Do you wanna go out with me?' and I was like 'Huh?' and he started laughing and then he said 'Do you wanna be my girlfriend?' and I was like 'Umm, yeah, okay.' And I almost died!!

. And he smiled (he's soo perfect!!) and then he was like 'Ok' and he just reached around me,out of the blue, and took my phone out of my pocket and put his number in and then I took his phone and I did the same thing. So, he was officially my boyfriend Smile

-Then 2 weeks ago, right before lunch was over he kissed me while we were out on the courtyard and it was perfect and it was probably like, the best day of my whole life. Smile

-Last week, I finally updated my status on facebook to "in a relationship" and all my friends were being awesome and commenting and stuff. Then my dad saw it and flipped out and grounded me.

And thats about it.

-

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@wandeljw,

No offense taken, Wandel. Smile

And while it's true that I have never been a parent, shewolf agrees with me on this point, and she is a parent. Indeed, she's a pretty good one, judging by the last time I saw her and her daughter. Whatever this disagreement between us grownups is about, it's not about parents-in-the-know versus clueless bohemians.

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@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

Lissa dates whoever she wants whenever she wants. She just broke up with a guy who was 16 and I thought she had sex but she didnt. She did some stuff though. She thinks its stupid that Im arguing with dad. She thinks I should just tell him what he wants to hear. Maybe I should, but it doesnt feel right. And I still dont feel like Im doing anything wrong, so why should I have to hide it, ya know?

I think that Lissa is doing it wrong, and that you are doing it right. Years from now, your father will have no problem forgiving you for disobeying him. Disobedient teenagers are part of what he signed up for when he chose to become your father. But trust would be much harder to restore if you were to lie to him like Lissa, and if he was to find you out. Whichever way you approach this subject going forward, I recommend that you keep doing it in the open.

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@Thomas,

Thomas wrote:

....I thank Murphy every day for not being a woman. Otherwise I'd have to go to go through all that hormonal stuff again about now. (I'm 42.)

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! You mean, instead of having to go through hormonal stuff every DAY?

Best laugh I've had all week. Thanks, Thomas!

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By telling your dad "what he wants to hear" and doing the opposite, Lissa's taking the easy way out, Gracie. You know that, right? And it's gonna backfire on her bigtime one of these days. Your dad will eventually get over being mad at both of you for not following his rules. (Warning: Be prepared - it may take a very long time!) But at least he will respect you for being honest about it. He will lose respect for Lissa when he figures her out. And he will, if he hasn't already.

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Hooboy, I'm really glad I'm not your dad, Gracie. This is one of the complications of having a supersmart daughter that he allowed to skip two grades. If you hadn't skipped, you'd be socializing with other 13 year olds right now, and dating probably wouldn't even be an issue. (How many 13 year old girls even WANT to date 13 year old boys? Almost none! There's a HUGE maturity gap at that age, physically as well as just about every other way.)

Yep, Dad's in a tough spot. He wanted you to be around others on your academic level, but he may not have realized that would lead to skipping two years of preteen/early-teen social development as well. You're now identifying with 15 year olds instead of 13 year olds. Which is very understandable, from your point of view. And very anxiety-producing from a parent's point of view.

Like I said, I'm really glad I'm not your dad. It's a WHOLE LOT easier just being your friend, Gracie!

And to answer your original question...I was allowed to date in groups or double-date (2 couples go out together) when I was 15, but I had to wait 'til I was 16 to "single-date" (go someplace alone with a boyfriend.) That coincided with the age when we got driver's licenses, so it made some sense. Unfortunately, I didn't turn 16 'til the fall of my junior year in high school, so I had to wait a really long time. But to be very honest, it took me that long to develop into someone that anybody would want for a girlfriend. When I was your age (13) I was so awkward and geeky (imagine me with skinny legs, braces, glasses, a bad complexion, stringy brown hair, a total lack of fashion sense & a laugh that would bring down walls) so having a boyfriend really wasn't much of a possibility. And the boys were just.....ewwwww!!!! (even worse than me!)

Oh wow. Thank you SO MUCH for making me remember that. <gag> <runs to tear up any remaining pictures>

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@Eva,

Great reply!

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@Ragman,

Yes, because some of us understand hot states (a new phrase to me that I understand) and consequent flailing of judgement.

Gracie, I am not your best friend - I'm at least five times as old as you are. I am often straight talking.

You toss us off, except for Thomas, who is off talking on individual liberty. I generally agree with him on that liberty, but liberty can be stupid fast. Your father does not seem to most of us to be off base. Most of us here would be warning you if we had bad vibes about your father.

You, on the other hand, exhibit no clue at all that you get what we are talking about. You will just be adamant and trust yourself.

I didn't say you are stupid, and you know I didn't. I said you are ignorant, same as firefly said, she maybe nicer. You do not know now what you are talking about...yet.

This all sounds like I'm a fear of sex person - quite the opposite. I love it.

Slow is good.

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I teach at a community college. There is no set of individuals more discouraging than the young mothers: 18 and 19 year olds who had babies while still babies in high school. They are immature, rude, careless and headed for a fall, taking their children with them. Do NOT join their ranks.

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@Thomas,

Thomas wrote:

Gracie, what kind of dating was your brother allowed to do at 13, and how is it different from the kind of dating you wish to do with Collin?

Well, I dont remember exactly what he could do because I really didnt care at the time but I know he was dating and my dad thought it was great and I know he had kissed girls. He'd bragged about it all the time.

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@Thomas,

Thomas wrote:

ossobuco wrote:
I need to review. I thought the brother was younger.

There is an older brother and a younger brother. A couple of posts ago, I linked to the post where she talks about the older brother.

No, No, No. I have one brother, Matt, and he's older (16). And I have one sister, Melissa(Lissa) and she's my age because we're twins. My dad only has 3 kids.

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@Len747,

Len747 wrote:

I've never really had a "true" girlfriend, it's kinda complicated, but there is this girl I've been in love with since I was 16, I'm 18 now and we still see each other but were merely just friends DX

I also recently had a "boyfriend" for about 3 weeks but that didn't really work out too well v,v

I still have more soul searching to do I guess XD

EDIT---I didn't realize this post had 12 pages o.o
Oops XD

No, that's okay. I dont mind. You answered what I asked. Smile

Good Luck wih your 'soul searching' and I hope things work out with that girl you're in love with. Nice to meet you Len! Cool avatar! Smile

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@ossobuco,

Quote:

This all sounds like I'm a fear of sex person - quite the opposite. I love it.

Slow is good.

Why Osso, gets better with age huh:)

Gracie, your sister is a twin?

I think firefly asked a good question I can't find your reply:)

I do agree that lying is horrid, and as you are being somewhat forthcoming your Dad will admire that in you.

You know, my brother got away with murder, he was also two years older than me, I have no idea why they, boys, seem to be able to do that, oh yes I do, "Daddy's girl" protection, for what ever reasons boys are meant to protect themselves, they just get told, use a condom, we girls get grounded in-case someone like you brother who was told, "cool, go for it, that's great", are hungry for more, more, more, Dad's know that.

He has a son, you've just said his "son" brags, kisses, etc...

That's enough to tell Daddy dearest to watch his daughters.

I imagine you and your sister are very different in alot of ways , your heart is good but you "have to see" two sides, you are only honestly seeing one, yours, it's your way or the highway:)

Do you ever compromise? Are you, have you suggested Collin come over? Smile

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

FOUND SOUL wrote:

Statutory rape... Has this been mentioned yet? Do you know what would happen if you had sex with Collin say in 6 months time? Collin would be charged with statutory rape with a minor, heavy duty, jaol, for minors, a boys home, a criminal record, no hope of a decent job.

Statutory rape. I know what that is but I never understood hat. How could something be rape if we both wanna do it? Thats stupid and it doesnt make any sense.

Quote:

If you don't think you "love" him, then it's just the desire in my opinion to have what your sister has, what your brother had, being rebelious, wanting to win, do what you want...But, you are doing it at a cost, to someone else, Collin, he has to keep it in his pants ...

No, just because I dont think I love him doesnt mean I dont like him alot. I just think love is supposed to feel even better than it does now.I mean, I guess its supposed to. I dont know.

Thomas wrote:

Quote:

Have you asked your dad why it's sixteen for you and thirteen for your brother? Your father is a jurist. Perhaps he could be persuaded, or at least embarrassed into giving ground, by having to explain his discrimination.

Yup! Many times. His answer is always something like, "Because there's a difference between boys and girls." "Because I said so" and yesterday when were talking/arguing about something and I was like 'Why?!' He was like, "You're not an adult. I don't have to explain anything to you." He's just a unfair person. He doesnt care.

I've tried persuasion, doesnt seem to be working. I dont think he's embarrassed at all.

Thanks Thomas, but I think that you think that just because my dad's a lawyer he acts like a lawyer with us and that's not how it is.
It's like, he's a lawyer and stuff at work but at home he's just my dad. All that persuasion and 'developing a strong argument' and 'embarrassing him about his discrimination' doesn't work. Our house isn't a courtroom. Laughing

And its more like a dictatorship that a democracy. We have to just follow his rules, we dont get a vote.

3 Replies

How old were you when you had your 1st boyfriend/girlfriend?

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