Do you hold long-standing grudges? Or forgive and forget?

Why the question? Each situation is different where forgiving is concerned.

Do people forget? Not in my opinion.

Should you hold grudges? What for a waste of energy. Forgiving is understanding that the person either did not mean it, or meant it but that type of behaviour is not for you, forgive and move on, so you don't waste negative energy.

Grudges long standing eats you up inside and doesn't allow you to move on with your life, why would you bother doing that.

I forgave you long ago, EB.

I forgive you Set.

But I won't forget.

next.

[muttering](Ain't that just like a dame . . . )[/muttering]

You're a sweet, loving and compassionate woman, Chai . . . i cherish our friendship.

My sister is self-obsessed twit. Like Chai, I forgive (sort of), but hard to forget.

Right now, I'm my mother's chief care-giver (she's 85 and has dementia).

Yes, I live in the same city as our mother, and yes, my sister lives in the same province, but nowhere close, but she could, at least make a decent effort and call our mother more often.

She's got a bad attitude, and she's the older one.

I do my best to forgive and forget, it's often easier said than done.
I do find that willingness goes a long way though.
And also, it's best not to forget some things.

I held a grudge against my father for many years until I realized that my feelings were hurting me more than they hurt him. Why was I doing that to myself? I let it go and felt much better. I didn't forget though - does anyone really forget?

One needn't forgive in order to avoid holding a grudge. There has been just one person in my life whom i would never forgive, nor did i hold a grudge. I carried no burden of "negative energy," and i "moved on" just fine without forgiving. Basically, you've just puked up the touchy-feely new age line--your response was unoriginal and unconvincing.

I had two different girlfriends as I was growing up (I'm a woman talking about friends) that were all about themselves forever, and, me being shy, I was the listener, wise or not wise adviser, summarizer. Both of them were manipulative, and sort of relentless, not so much to me but re their self absorption - which I finally figured out.

I don't resent them, though I don't want to reconnect. I think they really thought what they thought, weren't what is now used as a term, evil. They had just learned how to manipulate their way through life, for what were reasonable reasons re their pasts.
The denouement is that I have a hair trigger for manipulation, wiles, and so on.
Just tell me what you think, sez me.

That's not a grudge, precisely, but a long term effect.

This is a very interesting question and I probably still have to ponder it a bit.

My first thought was that Mo taught me how not to hold a grudge. Sometimes our relationship is almost like a boxer and his opponent. We tangle, we breath out, we forget it -- completely forget it -- we sit down to dinner and we laugh about other things. I know he taught me a lot about that and I hope that I've taught him a thing or two about it.

But I think "forgiving and forgetting" really goes back to finally understanding that I'm not really that important, that the world doesn't revolve around me. When I learned that I sometimes still need the cooperation of people who I felt had somehow done me wrong I learned not to carry a grudge.

When I came across the quote "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die" it was all driven home.

That said, there are a few people that I have just written off.

I'm not holding any grudge, I just don't forgive the pain. Without the negative, we can't appreciate the positive as much. Just my opinion I guess.

Best line so far. This is what i was getting at. There's something smarmy and condesceding in that whole foregiveness schtick--it's more or less saying: "You hurt me, but i'm a bigger man than you, i'm more noble, i forgive you."

Spare me . . .

I'm not the forgive and forget type. I might eventually stop resenting things, but I'll never forget.

When I got poor and fell ill, I lost a lot of friends. Only one do I hold a grudge against. It's not going to fade.

I don't know whether it's "new age" probably is, rather I just personally don't believe in holding onto any negativity, I used to hold grudges, I used to never forgive, I would not forget either... And, so I tried to jump that way of thinking along time ago..believing in Karma....will bite them in the bum.

I've seen alot in my life, I am 48 years of age, but still a spring chicken:)

Now my thought pattern, is any negative can turn into a positive, and no point holding negative energy, it manifests...

Actually OP my answer probably came across harsh, wasn't intended that way...

That's nice.


Adds, that was sardonic.

You know how to welcome someone new here, huh:)

Give a girl a break man...

PS: I'm a female not a male...

That i don't forgive someone is not evidence that i'm "holding negative energy." You're simply assuming something convenient to your argument.

I can blow off most negative encounters with people, because I know I am often as much to blame as the other person. However, there can be life changing situations where a line has been crossed. Mostly, even those encounters may not call for jihad and yet there is no forgiveness to be had. One erstwhile friend saluted me with grand gestures for three years, before doing a turnaround, where he screwed me over as royally as he could. I know him to be paranoid schizophrenic and I truly owed him a debt of gratitude, up to the point of the screwing. So, I intellectually forgive him, on balance, but I feel the occasional burst of outrage, when reminded of this guy.

The man who took on the role of father, when he married my mother is the one case where I simply cannot let it go. He died over thirty years ago. No matter. I will not let it go until I have visited his grave in California and drenched it with urine. After - Well, we will see. I have not had an opportunity to get back to California. The last time I was out there, I did not know the city where he is buried.

Apart from that, I am a reasonably mellow guy.