Fri 8 Jan, 2010 03:38 pm
Okay, so what do you think of this?
When my husband and I separated, I had the house appraised by three real estate agents and then the bank had it appraised because I was going to be paid out for half the equity and then taken off the mortgage.
All four came in at around the same price, so we both agreed on an amount. He had to remortgage and asked that I take half up front in cash, and be allowed to pay the remainder in annual installments over ten years.
I agreed, and we got a notarized agreement to that effect. And a big point is, there is no interest accruing on this money - he just pays me a certain amount every year for ten years. January is his payment month.
He was also supposed to keep me on his pension and life insurance as beneficiary until I was paid out. That didn't get put into the agreement and he has since conveniently forgotten about it and taken me off those. I have no guarantee I'll be paid out if he dies.
In addition, he got most of the contents of the house because I didn't have a permanent home for quite some time. Anyway, not arguing about that...
So, I get this email from him today whining about his lack of funds (he's a university professor and makes very decent money), his mortgage rate is going up, his house isn't worth what it was when we made the agreement (it's valued at about 60%), he's broke from extensive renovations last year, and his investments didn't fare well. He wants to pay me less now, over a longer period of time.
I don't like it, but I say "OK", but I want interest on the deferred annual amount each year, plus proof that I am in his will to be paid out after his mortgage is paid. He's really ticked that I want interest. He says that his house isn't worth what it was, so everything's up for renegotiation!
I said No way to that - his bank isn't reducing the amount he owes, so why should I? Then he tells me I'm greedy and unlikeable.
Basically, he wants me to subsidize his financial decisions and take a hit. He could have sold the house for mucho dinero at the time and bought something more affordable and paid me off in full, but he decided to stay there and live like a king. Not my decision. He renovated last year on credit and made bad investments. Not my decision. So, now he's in a financial pickle and he expects me to help him out. I am willing, to a certain degree.
Anyway, his last comment (about being unlikeable) just got my goat.
Thanks for letting me vent.
that's why they are ex-es, no?
He's really ticked that I want interest. He says that his house isn't worth what it was, so everything's up for renegotiation!
WRONG! A divorce agreement isn't a temporary agreement.
I said No way to that - his bank isn't reducing the amount he owes, so why should I?
Then he tells me I'm greedy and unlikeable.
WRONG! You want him to keep to his part of the agreement the same way you have. And, of course you're likable. Just ask us!
I'm glad you're no longer married to this asshat.
Tell him to **** off!
If it had been me I would have told him I wanted all the money up front, even if he had to get a second mortgage to pay me off.
The nerve of him trying to re-negotiate with you! Doesn't he realize you two are separated for a reason? You are no longer his wifey and don't have to hold him up when he needs a hand?
Well, i've never liked you, but on the other hand, i've never known you to be greedy.
Ooh! It let me say the F-word. I thought it would block out that!
does he whine like a little **** to the bank about his mortgage every month ? And that THEY dont change his debt due to house value?
if he wants to make a real stink about it, it might be time to get a lawyer. Then tack the cost of the lawyer onto this payments
its not that you are un likeable..
it is that he cant manipulate you. Thats whats got HIS goat
And where the hell have you been miss bird?
No way. This is akin to someone borrowing money, with the promise that it will be repaid when his horse wins.
You are not a partner; you are a creditor.
I had to laff at the "you are unlikeable" bit.
That's what people ususally say when you won't do what they want you to.
Mame, as long as you have your promissory note secured by the house, you
have nothing to fear. Let him whine!
On the other hand, you could make him an offer that you take back the house
and pay him his share at the current market rate - if it's 60 % less than it was,
then too bad!
Not around A2K for a while. Got very busy at work (which was what I was supposed to be doing when I was posting on A2K - my bad?). Just wasn't busy working this afternoon so swung by to check you out!
very interesting, since I happen to like you it's probably true that you are unlikeable, hell, I like Setanta and just look how unlikeable he is; get my drift bimbo?
re the house debt, demand immediate debt resolution at the risk of letting the court/lawyers settle the dispute.
If you are "renegotiating", you certainly need to enter into a written stipulation that revises your Property Settlement Agreement to fix the "oversight" where it was not stipulated that you were to receive a survivor benefit on his pension and to remain a beneficiary of his life insurance policy. That Stipulation should become the order of the court and be filed in your case.
But you are ABSOLUTELY right, Mame ... the bank is not reducing the amount he owes, why should you?
Agreeing with all points by all posters heretofore, especially the likeable part.
Hang in there.
"asshat" That is the first time I have heard that. Good one mac11.