Oh, I'm a little upset! VENTING RANT warning

There is a simple truth in all this: the more money involved and/or the more time involved the more likely he'll find a way to **** with you. Your job now is to minimize the time for full payout while maximizing the payout amount,

I might start with initiating court proceedings, as that generally gets someone's attention. A lot of the legwork for court documents and filings can be done quite cheaply if you have some time and patience.

BTW there is no way that WV is the best area; I live in an area the blows WV out of the water. WV has too much traffic, pollution, noise, environmental degradation etc. I used to live in WV in the 70's it was better then than now by a large margin. Mind you a large portion of the Lower Mainland is far worse in terms of traffic, pollution, noise, environmental degradation etc so WV is not alone in this regard.

dear unlikeable person, forget the lawyer crap, I have a cousin (Marvin the Torch) who lives in Detroit and he has a way, a very persuasive way of convincing people in areas of cooperation. I could give him a call on your behalf. He enjoys his work very much.

Wait ... it's a legal document because it's witnessed by the bank manager?

Rather than get a certified copy of a page of his will (which he could change the next day), why not get a promissory note and a lien against the house?

Plus the pension and life insurance beneficiary status. This was part of your "agreement" that didn't get reduced to writing. You cannot trust this joker without getting it in writing. He wants to renegotiate, you state your conditions.

Get thee to thy lawyer.

I agree with Tico. I thought you had a secured promissory note with the house
as collateral. If he stops paying you, what recourses do you have? The house
is his now.

To be honest: at this point I would not change the deal at all, Mame. You're
gracious now and let him renegotiate the terms to a lesser amount, but you
don't know what the future will bring and one day you might need the extra
cash, so if you originally had a fair 50/50 deal, then stick to it. Don't give
in and let him take advantage of your good nature. Sure he's whining that
he doesn't want to pay you out, and he's claiming financial hardship, but
if it were the other way around and you would have come to him for more
money due to financial hardship, would he comply? Certainly not!
Don't be too good hearted here, Mame, it can backfire. Talk to an
attorney as soon as possible.

urk! It may be different out on the coast there, but that wouldn't be enough here. Were the documents part of the divorce that was registered through the courts?

were you together more than three years? that'd be considered married for the courts here in Ontario (cavfancier's aunt was one of the judges involved in that decision - awesome family)

We were together for 20 yrs. I didn't think I had to do all that legal stuff - he was always honourable before. I think I will consult with a lawyer, but I don't know about putting a lien against the house because if I do it now and he continues to pay me, the lien will be outofdate. I need to speak to someone who knows. Sheeit.

Thank you, all, for the advice (and support). You are right. I'm so gullible.

It doesn't matter, Mame. The lien stays in place until the financial obligations
are finished. This would be the only security you have. Honorable perhaps
before, but he is in a new relationship and might think differently now.

You are so right, CJ. The new situation he has has obviously affected things. Thank you.

Just read the entire thread Mame.
I can identify. Twenty years, not married, your 2 very different financial circumstances ... identical.

I also hate bickering about money. It is so demeaning! <shudder> But neither you nor I will ever be rich, ya know!

I think you are going to have to train yourself to not care about what he says about you, because unless you oblige him, his comments are likely to become even nastier. It might not be a bad idea to have a lawyer look after your interests (if you can afford it). So that any future potential "adjustments" don't need to be negotiated with you personally.

I remember, just after MR Ex & I split up, a very cynical friend advised me to arrange the settlement of finances quickly, because once he became involved with someone else things would turn nasty! But of course I didn't. But she was right. That did happen. Not only that, but the new Ms X took to making very unpleasant nuisance calls to me, night & day! She was quite mad.

Anyway, dearie, a good idea to detach yourself, that's what I think.

Good luck!

If you're no longer on the deed then you no longer have interest in the house unless your agreement stipulated that you are a secondary lien holder. The bank didn't turn over their interest in the house. They simply transferred their interest from two people to one.

You have what amounts to a promissory note from your ex-husband. He promised to pay you -- now he's trying to break his promise.

I agree with all those who have said it's time to get legal advise and make sure that you're listed as a second lien-holder to his estate.

I suspect that if the housing market had gone up he qould have very quietly pocketed the extra equity on your former share. Given that, I see no reason why you should share in the loss.

In point of law you sold your share in the equity of the house, and therefore have no claim on subsequent gains in its value, and likewise no liability for subsequent losses -- nine, zip, nada.

The fact that you generously accepted a no interest deferred payment for your share of the equity has no bearing on the issue of who owns the house now (and who takes the losses/gains associated with market valuation).


I recommend you have him stick to the original payment plan, period. The passage of time isn't likely to increase his sense of obligatiuon to you. The sooner you get your money the better.

I think I would have kept you, Mame.

You Mame made the mistake of being a push-over, and you fucked yourself. What you should have done is demand the house be sold at divorce. Your options are limited at this point, all you can do is talk to legal and find out your best path to limiting the loss.

I think you're an honourable person, and you were expecting K to continue to behave in an honourable way toward you as he had in the past.

You're both in different relationships now - all bets are off.

Probably true, but that does not change that allowing the unwinding of the marriage to run ten years is dumb. Mame is right, sugar coating the truth is in no one's interest.

Time to limit the loss if possible.

Well, good news - he emailed me this morning that he's "sold some stuff" and is paying me in full by the end of next week.

I've learned a good lesson here. I have taught him that he can take advantage of my good nature for the last 20 yrs - that is changing.

georgeob1- thanks - that was sweet.

I'd tell him after what he stated - you're damn right I am greedy and unlikeable and since I am such I do not agree with lowering the amount and hold you accountable to continue paying as we originally agreed. A$$hole.

In full for 2010? Or, in full for the balance?

If it isn't the balance, don't overlook continuing to ensure that the balance is covered by a lien or other legal method.

Just something to contemplate... why do you care what his opinion is of you? He doesn't get to define you, you do. Well, and us, and we all think you're great.

I'll second that!