First time cheater, why did it happen after I'd finally got married???!!

I think the kids are the only consideration. The partners on both sides can shift for themselves if there are no kids. All four of them went into what they have eyes wide open. The kids didn't. One shouldn't have collateral damage as the kid's portion.

This was an interesting article in the paper today: Fathers Vanish for Children of Divorce:
Tens of thousands of children lose contact with their fathers each year because of a failing family court system and disastrous custody arrangements, a study has found.

One in three children whose parents separated or divorced over the last 20 years said they lost contact permanently with their father.
Almost a tenth of children from broken families said the acrimonious process had left them feeling suicidal, while other later sought solace in drink, drugs or crime.

I don't agree that the kids are the only consideration, but I do agree that they should be the primary consideration.

They're not made of sugar and water, Spendi

Is she or is she not entitled to decide who fucks her at her complete discretion? And is the law and social mores right to deny her that choice?

Especially in today's world where it's commonplace.

That is a hard statement for an old atheist to made but this support for the lady by other ladies is amazing to me.

I say that if she can lie to her husband in shame of her actions, she can contort her circumstances such that she doesn't think she's lying to us. It's cognitive dissonance. I think she's kidding herself.

Wonder how her kids will feel about her when their home is broken up by her cheating?

Is she or is she not entitled to decide who fucks her at her complete discretion? And is the law and social mores right to deny her that choice?

This is a feminist issue of the first order which is why the ladies here are shilly-shallying with such statements as that.

They also are conflicted which is why they are evading some of the points being raised.

Is she or is she not entitled to decide who fucks her at her complete discretion? And is the law and social mores right to deny her that choice?

It's crunch time for you ladies.

Marriage vows are required on the assumption that kids will be produced. The law strikes them out when no kids are involved with a wave of the hand. And a small fee of course.

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I say that if she can lie to her husband in shame of her actions, she can contort her circumstances such that she doesn't think she's lying to us. It's cognitive dissonance. I think she's kidding herself.

Cognitive wha? I don't think she's kidding herself, I think she goes back and forth with it and is fully aware of the dilemma. Being able to stop, well, that's another thing. She's not ready to stop, and it's her problem. I think if she says her family won't find out then they won't. Do you know how many family members go to their graves keeping secrets?

And, what human being is perfect? I'm sure you have your own pockets of shame you keep hidden behind your facade. You're so busy wagging your finger at her, I suggest you come down from your throne and look in the mirror.

You are the sugar and spice Mame--that's why you failed to answer this--

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Is she or is she not entitled to decide who fucks her at her complete discretion? And is the law and social mores right to deny her that choice?

It's her body and her life and she's made a lot of decisions about them already. So yes, obviously she's entitled to decide who to sleep with when she wants to.

We are all entitled to do whatever we want as long as it's not against the law - well, even if it is. Hopefully we will also not hurt others, but that is sometimes unavoidable. Obviously if we break the law or hurt others, we must take the consequences.

I hope I've provided my crunch position to your satisfaction.

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Is she or is she not entitled to decide who fucks her at her complete discretion? And is the law and social mores right to deny her that choice?

I think your hemming it in-- she's entitled to choose, for good or for ill. She has to be prepared to live with the consequences of breaking the rules she signed on to. If she screws up the lives of her children then she'll have to live with that. Hopefully, she'll have the resources to pay others to fix her children. Better yet, her children will learn to have their own lives and accept their mother with all her flaws.

She's not ready to stop, and it's her problem.

Correction, she's not ready to stop and it's her DECISION>

Gala wrote:

And, what human being is perfect?

This isn't about being perfect. It's about deciding what kind of person you are and want to be.

You can justify a theft or a murder all you want, it's still wrong. What Conflicted is doing is morally dirty. I won't say 'wrong' because that's too simplistic. But it's a choice she has made and is continuing to make, so she's completely cognizant of what she's doing and is therefore completely responsible for any and all fall out.

Whether they find out is a whole other issue and not the one I'm addressing. But, just because someone you don't even know says a thing is no reason to believe it as fact.

This isn't about being perfect. It's about deciding what kind of person you are and want to be.

My worry is that after so much talk about how this happens all the time, that if she gets caught and come time for consequences, that she doesn't end up cursing the sky asking "why me?".

Utter rubbish. Marriage vows are required when you get married by a church rep. Nobody asks if there are kids planned or already in existence. When you get married at City Hall, there are no vows, unless you want them. AT least, there weren't when I got married 29 years ago. There, too, no one mentioned kids.

I don't see the feminist issue. If Conflicted was a guy, he would be getting about the same responses or maybe more harsh. Are you saying that Conflicted is getting support simply because she is a woman and that if she were a guy, he would be universally condemned?