It's a hole

I think I feel rejected.

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@shewolfnm,

Quote:

... I explained to her the big indian man who was blue and triangular, and very angry... did not like what was going on.
There was a woman in a dress too who was agitated and insulting.

Many times, doors would slam on me, rooms would fill with smoke, things would go flying off of counters /walls/ etc.. and it would just be all around creepy.

I envy you, being able to perceive such things.

I'm utterly enthralled by your descriptions of events in that school. I don't suppose anyone thought to take photos/videos while it was going on? Wouldn't I just love to see them!

Quote:

I have never knew of anyone who could do that..
See it? see stuff like that? feel it ? sense it? communicate with it?
Sure.

Work with it?
oh god no.

he will be here in 2 weeks.

Here I have to say, what exactly is the difference between Communicating with it and Working with it? I'm missing something, probably something big.

I SO wish I could communicate with things unseen, but have never even come close. Can you tell us more?

In the meantime, I'm busy calculating dates for when he'll arrive to help you.

PM me anytime; I check here daily. Or email me, whatever. I want to be here for you.

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@Butrflynet,

Sometimes, I find myself condemning addicts, alcoholics, users, abusers..

In most part because I never had issues with drugs. Seeing friends face completely collapsing in on themselves and judging them, asking them why they just.. can't... stop. We both did cocaine together for the first time, but he kept buying, he kept scoring, he lost his job, HE HE HE..

And "I" just watched.

I don't know whether pity is in order, or a wake up call.

I just can't see being a slave to a substance. But i have no idea what its like either.

:L

People choose their fates and destinies.

There's no way around it.

1 Reply

@originalgamesters,

Quote:

Sometimes, I find myself condemning addicts, alcoholics, users, abusers..

I'm sorry, but I don't think your comments are relevant here.

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@shewolfnm,

shewolfnm wrote:

Apparently she has no one now but her father.

this bothered me the day I read it.
The day it was posted.
It stuck with me.
Still bothers me.

"no one but her father"

All I could think about was how lucky she was to have a father who loved her, cared for her, was her father. no one but ... it felt so dismissive of the important role of a father in child's life

Whenever I get p*d with ebrown's reactions to people's comments about parenting, I come back to this and realize he's quite often right about people not valuing fathers.

Had to come back to this ... avoided looking at it again for a long time ... couldn't just leave it there for someone else to see and think that no one noticed it.

2 Replies

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

shewolfnm wrote:
Apparently she has no one now but her father.

this bothered me the day I read it.
The day it was posted.
It stuck with me.
Still bothers me.

"no one but her father"

All I could think about was how lucky she was to have a father who loved her, cared for her,
was her father. no one but ... it felt so dismissive of the important role of a father in child's life

Whenever I get p*d with ebrown's reactions to people's comments about parenting,
I come back to this and realize he's quite often right about people not valuing fathers.

Had to come back to this ... avoided looking at it again for a long time ...
couldn't just leave it there for someone else to see and think that no one noticed it.

For MY part, I was rather pleased when my father hit the road.
He asked me to give him a lift to Idlewild. I did.

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@ehBeth,

I get ehBeth's reply. I'd have to read back though about the father, but I agree generally that fathers can be good, wonderful, at being the main parent, even only parent. I know it.

1 Reply

It was not meant that way.

her father is a fabulous man who has done everything for her a father SHOULD do -on top of- adopting her and taking her into her home.

When i said she had no one but her father, it was from a kids point of view. Seeing the father, but looking beyond that to find no one else. Almost a lonely feeling. Not a dismissive feeling/statement/idea in the least . I would have said the same if her dad died and her mom was left. In a kids mind, numbers mean something. And having only one when there was two is painful no matter what one is left.

1 Reply

@shewolfnm,

Ah. Gotcha.

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@ossobuco,

ossobuco wrote:

I get ehBeth's reply. I'd have to read back though about the father,
but I agree generally that fathers can be good, wonderful, at being
the main parent, even only parent. I know it.

Theoretically, yes, but if decades of casual observation
are any indication: thay prefer to intimidate the kid (with seldom exceptions).

I was lucky to have had a mostly distant and non-troublesome father.
The intrusive ones whom I saw in the environment were worse.

David

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You did a good thing in your life, David.

Not having an offspring..

1 Reply

@Francis,

Francis wrote:

You did a good thing in your life, David.

Not having an offspring..

On that, we can agree, Francis.
It is very possible indeed, that he and I 'd not see eye-to-eye,
as my father and I did not. He was a Frank Roosevelt liberal,
tho he said that I convinced him to vote for Barry Goldwater,
for whom I worked and voted, in 1964.

Every time that I read of a patricide or hear of parental dissatisfaction,
I rejoice in the fact that no matter whatever else happens,
at least I am safe from THAT.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

However, I was thinking it was a good thing from the offspring point of view...

2 Replies

@Francis,

Francis wrote:

However, I was thinking it was a good thing from the offspring point of view...

That 's RELATIVE. It depends on what his point of vu IS;
e.g., he might think I am too libertarian,
or not libertarian enuf, or he might agree with U.
Its unpredictable; too risky.

David

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Gosh.
If that is true then I should not have had a child either.
I did not have the best mother
My father was gone and an abusive alcoholic having more children then he could ever remember. The other men in my life who tried to be father figures were abusive sexually, physically and emotionally.

yet I look at my daughter and I have done a fantastic job bringing up a wonderful person.
When you parent out of love as you should, it does not matter what your parenting 'experience ' is.
I bet david might have enjoyed being a parent.
Being a parent is learning a new level of love. I wish everyone could experience that. Even those who dont want children, experiencing that love is amazing.

3 Replies

@shewolfnm,

You are right.

Even though there's a pattern of abused children becoming abusers, it's not always the case as paternity/maternity has redeeming qualities.

Love is often it..

1 Reply

@shewolfnm,

As far as we know, over 70% of sexually abused children do NOT grow up to be sexually abusive.

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@shewolfnm,

shewolfnm wrote:

Quote:
Gosh.
If that is true then I should not have had a child either.

I 'm only saying that its risky;
u can t know what nor who u r going to get, beforehand.
When u find out, it is too late ( and very illegal ) to send him back.

Quote:
I did not have the best mother
My father was gone and an abusive alcoholic having more children
then he could ever remember. The other men in my life who tried
to be father figures were abusive sexually, physically and emotionally.

yet I look at my daughter and I have done a fantastic job bringing up a wonderful person.
U got lucky.
Some children are horrors n terrors, burning down the place.

Quote:
When you parent out of love as you should, it does not matter what your parenting 'experience ' is.
I bet david might have enjoyed being a parent.
Maybe that coud be possible; a lot depends upon WHOM.
We act differently toward different people.
We feel differently toward different people.
I am skeptical that babies r fungible nor tabula raza.
Even twins sometimes have different personalities, interests n goals.

Quote:
Being a parent is learning a new level of love.

I 'll take your word for it,
but what if it is rejected or not reciprocated?

Quote:
I wish everyone could experience that.
To a limited extent, I have,
based upon being financially generous to children in the environment.
There have been occasions when I 've been asked to take care of children
for a short time, who were friends already; thay joined in the request.
Thay r adults now in their 20s & 30s.

Quote:
Even those who dont want children, experiencing that love is amazing.

Yes; its good to have friends of any age,
above the age when the ability to speak begins.
My ex-girlfriend used to live with me, with her daughter, between ages 2 to 4.
I understand that she has a son of her own now, around ten years old.

1 Reply

Back to your original post . . .

During the formative years, your daughter had a stable, loving home.

Later, her adoptive mother became sick and died.

She and her father will grieve and get through this, because he's a wonderful man and good father. Counseling will help when there is a "suicide" in the family.

It has nothing to do with you. You are projecting yourself into this picture.

1 Reply

@Francis,

I have been raped over 30 times.
never once have I hurt anyone sexually. And I never will Smile

1 Reply

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