I dont think it is self blame that has me feeling so 'tripped up'
I think it is a combination of jealousy.. I mean.. i would LOVE to be able to not give a flying **** about things and sit on my ass and stay high. I really do. But I cant. And I love that too..
but it is a combination of jealousy, anger, confusion, and a few other things I dont quite know yet.
I do not doubt that I am angry with myself for choosing her on some level, but right now that isnt the light in the sky emotion.
Im just truly surprised at how intense this has been to me. Really surprised.