12
   

My Wife is a food addict

 
 
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2020 03:29 am
Hello everybody,

I'm new here so I don't know if this is the correct way to post a topic, but here goes.

So here's my issue, my wife is a food addict.

She knows she's a food addict, she admits it but she keeps hiding it from me. She buys unhealthy snacks, eats them hiding from me, she has lied to me about it in the past (to my knowledge she has been straight forward with me since I caught her lying)

She's still young (29) and does a lot of exercise, so up until now there's visually no consequence from that. Nevertheless it worries me, first because of her health on the long term, Diabetes, cholesterol etc.
Second, because she wont be able to exercise it away for much longer, this will catch up to her sooner or later.
Third we want to have children in the future and she has to have this addiction "controlled" before she gets pregnant.

What makes this worse, she's a doctor, so she thinks she knows better.

She's stubborn with this, because of course, she's an addict. She's had some "sober moments" where she admits she's addicted and for some days she tries to stop with the snacks etc... and then, 3days later she's back at it.

On top of it all, food addiction is the worse because she does have to eat, so I makes it more difficult to manage.

I've tried several approaches to cope and help her deal with that but she's so stubborn, I don't know what else to do, so here I am reaching out.

Thank you

EmmeEsse
 
jespah
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2020 05:53 am
@emmeesse,
Time to suggest that she get therapy.

I say this as someone who's battled with their weight for my entire life.

This is above your pay grade, and it will only lead to fights. Let the therapist take the brunt of that.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2020 06:47 am
Excellent advice from Jespah, as one would expect.

Now for a little musical interlude:

0 Replies
 
neptuneblue
 
  2  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2020 07:08 am
@emmeesse,
Instead of trying to control what someone eats (which, you can't) try to understand why and what she's stressed about. You state she's a doctor. That's stress in unbelievable proportions. And you're worried about a candy bar? Your priorities are skewed.

It also seems like your pestering about eating "healthy" isn't helping her at all. She's taken to hiding it and it could get worse unless you back off.

Having a candy bar isn't a problem. Eating 25 candy bars is. But she's not doing that and she is exercising.

So... I think you're over reacting. I don't see a food addiction, I see stress. Alleviate the stress and the rest should follow.
0 Replies
 
livinglava
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2020 07:26 am
@emmeesse,
emmeesse wrote:

Hello everybody,

I'm new here so I don't know if this is the correct way to post a topic, but here goes.

So here's my issue, my wife is a food addict.

She knows she's a food addict, she admits it but she keeps hiding it from me. She buys unhealthy snacks, eats them hiding from me, she has lied to me about it in the past (to my knowledge she has been straight forward with me since I caught her lying)

She's still young (29) and does a lot of exercise, so up until now there's visually no consequence from that. Nevertheless it worries me, first because of her health on the long term, Diabetes, cholesterol etc.
Second, because she wont be able to exercise it away for much longer, this will catch up to her sooner or later.
Third we want to have children in the future and she has to have this addiction "controlled" before she gets pregnant.

What makes this worse, she's a doctor, so she thinks she knows better.

She's stubborn with this, because of course, she's an addict. She's had some "sober moments" where she admits she's addicted and for some days she tries to stop with the snacks etc... and then, 3days later she's back at it.

On top of it all, food addiction is the worse because she does have to eat, so I makes it more difficult to manage.

I've tried several approaches to cope and help her deal with that but she's so stubborn, I don't know what else to do, so here I am reaching out.

Thank you

EmmeEsse

Smokers listen to people telling them for years about lung and heart disease, and they just roll their eyes because they've heard it so many times but the reality has never hit them that danger isn't just something theoretical that might happen far in the future.

One day as an addict, it occurs to you that if you couldn't stop last week, or this week, then you won't be able to next week or the week after either; and that pattern is going to continue until you get lung cancer or diabetes or whatever other disease is awaiting you as the pot of gold of your addiction rainbow.

So once you foresee that 'pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,' you realize you have to start making right choices today and every other day, one moment at a time.

Fortunately, the more success you have with making right choices and avoiding bad ones, the easier it gets. But you just have to start one choice at a time, avoiding temptation moment by moment.

Food addiction is probably related to various other factors, but a traditional recipe for dietary discipline is to set fixed meal times and stick to them. Also if you stick to fixed meal portions, it can help you feel more satisfied because you know exactly what you're going to eat and when, and you just have to focus on staying food-free until meal-time arrives.

Every situation is different, I'm sure, but hopefully this gives you another perspective to consider in your struggle. It is great you are concerned with you wife's health, but realize that relationships break down when an addict is still enslaved to their addiction while their partner goes to war against the addiction. We of course want to win the war and get our loved ones liberated, but sadly sometimes we lose and addiction wins and the relationship becomes the collateral damage of the conflict.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2020 07:55 am
@emmeesse,
Spousal abusers also try to control their partner's eating habits.

She's doing what she wants, she's certanly qualified to understand risk and risk management, and she seems content with it.

Only you aren't coping with it.

I'm inclined to believe this is a control issue you have to deal with.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  5  
Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2020 07:56 am
She doesn't exhibit characteristics of an addict.

The “hiding” of the snacks may be from the shame she gets from you. Stop shaming her.

Unless a therapist has diagnosed this, it is just your opinion.

I know of many people who hide their chocolate and other snacks. Sometimes its to prevent other family members from hogging all the goodies Or to have a well deserved indulgence.
0 Replies
 
helmi15
 
  0  
Reply Fri 29 May, 2020 10:06 am
@emmeesse,
How do you define food addiction? Would be interesting to me. We all have to eat, and that constantly. So when do you define one being addicted to food?
0 Replies
 
Below viewing threshold (view)
Montysmam
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 10 Jun, 2020 04:44 am
@emmeesse,
Sounds to me like you need to get to the bottom of why she is eating such 'unhealthy' foods and hiding it from you. Comfort eating, then being ashamed of it can become a nasty habit, but talking is surely the best way to deal with it, together. If she's a doctor, it could be a coping mechanism for the extra stress she's under, especially at the moment.
0 Replies
 
Positiveplus
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 10 Jun, 2020 12:46 pm
@emmeesse,
The first step to get rid of a bad habit is understand your problem. Maybe in the future she will understand that she's not doing it right (even lying to you, because it's the worst thing in this situation) and she will stop?
Or maybe she will need to see a doctor Sad
0 Replies
 
 

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