Wed 2 Nov, 2016 06:33 am
So let me just start this off by saying that this is going to be really long but I need some assistance. I'm a girl confused about my live-in-boyfriend's porn problem, how more cliche can I get? I don't know what to do and thats why I decided to actually post something in forums for the first time in my life.
I've been dating my significant other for about 5 or 6 months now (knowing each other for years before dating and moving in together) and things have been going pretty well other than a few, uh, issues I have. He's been totally watching porn excessively. It's not like I have a problem with him self full-filling himself or anything either (that'd be crazy), it's just the way he goes about it that drives me crazy. I know it shouldn't be any of my business but when you live with someone for as long as we've been its about impossible not to notice.
Now, I dont have a problem with porn at all. I watch porn, everyone watches porn. What really gets to me is the amount of porn and the fact that he doesn't just watch "regular" porn but he uses chat websites which makes me way more uncomfortable than I would like.
We have sex every day, he ALWAYS gets blow jobs before we have sex, we're always trying new things, etc. Everything a guy could ever dream, I do. I don't have a problem doing these things either, I love it just as much as he does and it helps that he loves me as much as I love him. It makes the sex special as well as amazing. So what hurts me is that I don't understand why he feels the need or urge to be using sex chatting websites and cam websites.
We've talked about it and he understands my feelings about the whole thing and swears to change yet he continues as if nothing. I hate to feel like im nagging or being a prude or trying to control him but this really hurts and takes quite a dig at my self esteem even if it shouldnt. I feel inadequate at this point. I know he's trying to stop but that doesnt stop the burn in my chest and my non-stop anxiety about the whole situation.
I just need some kind of help or advice, I don't want to end an otherwise good relationship over something as ridiculous as this. Should I be taking him with a grain of salt? Should I be learning how to cope with this addiction he has or try talking to him about it again?? I just dont know what to do anymore, but what I do know is that it really hurts and that's what I want to go
away more than anything, the hurt. (I also want to try to figure this out before it gets worse and there's nothing either of us can do about it)
He is young right? He'll grow out of it. As long as he's not cheating on you physically with someone else my advice is to ride the wave.
It seems to me you both have feelings of inadequacy maybe that should be a discussion you should have with him
Normally I'd agree with giu but in this case your bf is showing major signs of narcissism and selfishness which doesn't bode well for the future.
Someone said women marry men hoping they'll change while men marry women hoping they won't change.
In your case I'd try and reason with him about your needs and if you're not satisfied with his effort ....I'd move on.
" I don't want to end an otherwise good relationship over something as ridiculous as this."
It's not ridiculous - he has a problem. First, his idea of this whole thing is to carry it outside
of your relationship. That's a No-No, in my book.
Second, he keeps on doing it in spite of you being upset and him knowing the possible consequences. (did you ever give him consequences?)
He is cyber cheating on you. That's going to escalate into something live, for sure.
Decide if this is "ridiculous" or not.