Need an exit strategy from a verbally abusive marriage

He told me today that he is going to have to contest the divorce because of the health insurance thing. Ok, so I have a job so I can pay for a lawyer to go to bat for me but I have a question maybe you guys can answer.

Because we have been together for 12+ years, he says a partnership was created even though we were only married for the last year. Although my house was solely purchased in my name, he thinks the lawyer can make some sort of partnership connection so that he would have interest in my home equity and my 401K account.

Without going into much detail I can show proof of his wages for the entire time he has worked. For the last 12 years, he worked approximately 5 of those total. About 3 of those years was only part time. This was so that he could be free to do house projects. (He did one, a cat enclosure) and so that he could audition for acting, or whatever else struck his fancy to do for work. The other stuff he did was basic house maintenance stuff. We also had a housecleaner coming in so his house duties were quite minimal really. (clean the kitchen, vaccum, takes cats and dog to the vet, mow the lawn) We don't have kids so he can't say that he was forced to stay at home to do anything and many many many times I told him that he NEEDED to work so that we could continue to work toward our future.

Sept last year, I told him that my job might be in jeopardy of lay offs and told him to at least get a job with health insurance so that I would not have to worry about that part of it. Fact is, his money was used for groceries, repairs to his car, vacations we took together, and other minor household purchases. Never once did he give me money for house payments, utlities, my car expenses, etc.

Here is my question: I think he is full of smoke and trying to pull another one over on me. Anyone out there who knows how a 'partnership' situation would work? He wants rights to equity in my house which I don't beleive he is entitled to. I also don't think he is entitled to any part of my 401K because he did not contribute one bit to it. When he was working, his wages were being garnished for an old school loan and HE chose not to contribute anything into his work 401K plan.

Oh, and his lawyer told him he would not be eligible for COBRA benefits under my work plan. I have further looked at the eligibilty of someone to get COBRA and can see nothing where they would disqualify him of the option once the divorce is finalized. Probably another smoke screen....?

Depending on your state, he may have no case to an excellent one. It doesn't matter if he was a stay at home spouse and did not contribute to the house payment or the 401K. Pretend he is a housewife and you are the breadwinner husband and you see how it works. You can claim he was just a deadbeat spouse, but that might not fly very well. Were you living together for 12 years or did your relationship change after the marriage? If you bought the house specifically for the two of you to live it, that would tend to support his case. In any case, you don't need to ask us, you need to ask your lawyer. He/she will have all the answers.

I don 't think u have anything to worry about,
but since u already have a divorce lawyer familiar with the law
of your own state, just run it past him. Again, I 'm pretty sure u r OK.
I have never practiced matrimonial law.




David

Try this linkfor information on community property, individual property and how to tell the difference.

Given that you have a lawyer and that you believe that you have meticulously planned this break-up, the fact that you are here asking these kinds of questions is alarming. Are you sure that your lawyers know all the facts, and are on top of them??

Bottom line if you have been supporting this guy for years, kicking him to the curb will not be as fast nor as cheap as you seem to think that it will be. If you lived together for long before marriage you very likely have big problems, as you may have been in a common law marriage with out realizing it.

Glad to see you are doing well and sticking to your dates. As for the property disputes, I am at a loss. These things change drastically from state to state and I'm not sure what yours allows. I would definitely ask your lawyer.

engineer's link specifies that property accumulated during marriage is
community property, however, if you can prove that the property in question
was solely paid by you, including all mortgages, utilities and any other upkeep
for the house, then your soon to be ex will have no recourses on the house.

As for your 401k plan, as a spouse he might have some entitlement to it,
you need to ask your lawyer how this is handled in your state.

Clearly, your husband is trying to milk you, so if it were me: all bets are off!
Kick him out and let him try to find his own insurance. You are not responsible
for his health insurance after you two are divorced - until then he's insured
with your corporate plan, isn't he?

I think what we r all saying is:
discuss all of this very carefully with your divorce lawyer,
who hopefully has experience in this area; if he does not,
then either he can research it, or he can refer your case
to another lawyer with more pertinent experience.





David

Ok. Some good info definately. I read that a few weeks ago.

As it relates my attorney did mention that the community property which we purchased since the marriage needed to be split 50/50. Since we purchased very few items during the year, the community property split is fair. Soon to be ex-husband agrees to those items which are outlined in the court documents filed.

It can be established that my home is fully paid for by me. All payments, utlities, upkeep. I can provide all necessary proof. Attorney says there is no way he can prove any entitlement to equity.

I am concerned mostly over the 'partnership' that he mentioned. As my attorney really did not seem to understand what that might mean. I need to reasearch that aspect of it more. I wonder how that would relate to the divorce, as my thought is that would be a suit that is done in civil court. ???

No common law marriage in my state.

My attorney unfortunately has been 'quite busy' during this time and all of this may be mute if I can convince soon to be ex that he has no case ahead of time.

If I have to spend money to get another lawyer after the hearing I will do so, but given that we really have one issue on the table - health insurance, if I can get that portion resolved without the courts involvement it's a better situation for everyone.

If there is no common law then you should be all right I think.

He is still insured on my corporate plan. I have no intention of removing him at this point. Once the divorce is final, I am obligated to inform my insurance of the change. If it were up to me (but it's not) I would keep him on my insurance policy until at least the end of the year.

You are right, he is trying to milk me. I have had to say "No," to a lot of the things he has demanded.

Right! Healthcare is a great negotiating tool right now for you, MBC.
If you're willing to pay his insurance for 6 months, he must agree to your
terms.

According to this....
http://www.deshonpullenlaw.com/PracticeAreas/Premarital-Partnership-Agreements.asp

"A premarital agreement (also known as a prenuptial or antenuptial agreement) is a way to protect your financial interests and responsibilities before entering into a marriage. You may want to consider a prenuptial agreement if:

If you have accumulated significant assets prior to your marriage.
You wish to resolve financial issues that are causing stress to you, your future spouse, or your family.
If you have financial responsibilities to another person, such as a minor child or an aging parent.
Partnership Agreements
A partnership agreement is basically a premarital agreement for two people who live together but do not intend to get married. Since there is no common law marriage in Arizona, your unmarried partner might have no rights and no interest in your property (and vice versa) without a partnership agreement. In addition to unmarried couples, gay couples often draft partnership agreements to spell out financial arrangements before entering into a long-term relationship."


It doesn't look to me like a partnership was created..... because we never had a written agreement that was drafted??? In the absence of being able to prove a verbal agreement, I don't think there is anyway to establish a partnership was created. We never co mingled funds. My mother was my benefciary of everything. I know he never put me as beneficiary to his insurance policies with his previous employers, they were all in his dad's name.

I have put a dollar limit on the amount I would agree to for health insurance. Unfortunately, premiums through COBRA would be very high and it would use up the limit very quickly.

That 's your attorney 's job.

Gotcha I was hoping to save the money spent on an attorney but you are right, this is something I should have a professional do.

Thanks David!

If your attorney does "not seem to understand
what that might mean" then he shoud find out.
That 's part of his job, as handling this case for u.

If I accurately understand the concept that u have raised,
it pertains to the status of what thay called "pal imony" in your state.

I believe that the first case on this was that of the late movie actor,
Lee Marvin, whose girlfriend alleged that he made a contract
with her concerning her remaining with him. She claimed
that he was violating that contract, if I remember correctly.
Different states may treat that differently.

Maybe u wanna Google up the history of that, for informational purposes.
Google palimony & Lee Marvin.





David

Thanks! As I thought, it is a CA civil court situation. (not divorce) It's making a lot more sense now.

I am so glad I never co-mingled funds and kept my mother as beneficiary during that entire time. We never referred to ourselves as married or otherwise before the marriage, so I feel confident he would have real difficulty showing any sort of implied partnership agreement. I have made an appt with my attorney still and will discuss this with him, so that we can be proactive in addressing it.

Some great advice! Thank you sooo much!

Marvin (Triola) vs. Marvin