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What to do with the house

 
 
Reply Fri 24 Dec, 2010 12:57 pm
My wife and I both own the house and are headed for divorce. I am going to ask her to leave because she is the one who was unfaithful. If she won't leave, can I get a court order of some kind to make her if I have proof of infedelity?
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Dec, 2010 01:14 pm
@jenfargo83,
If you don't have kids you should sell the house and split the money.

If you have kids whoever gets custody of the kids should get the house.

I've seen some arrangements where the parents switch residences based on visitation so that the kids lives aren't disrupted on an ongoing basis. I think that's a wonderful solution.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Dec, 2010 02:05 pm
@jenfargo83,
I very much doubt it.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Dec, 2010 02:42 pm
@jenfargo83,
unlikely
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  3  
Reply Fri 24 Dec, 2010 02:48 pm
@jenfargo83,
No. She is as much the legal owner as you are. It's something that will be part of the divorce settlement, but one of you will end up buying the other one's interest out of the property. If neither of you can afford the house outright, then it will be sold and the proceeds equally split between the owners of record.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Dec, 2010 02:52 pm
@jenfargo83,
Where do you live? In some of the US states, there is no fault divorce. This has arguable aspects, but it faces the fact that in many marriages, one person being unfaithful can be a reaction to negative behavior by the spouse.

You are putting your hurt pride at the forefront of this question. The house is half hers and you may even be the bad guy if an outsider peered at your marriage.
You seem very keen on ruling.
cicerone imposter
 
  2  
Reply Fri 24 Dec, 2010 02:55 pm
Can't add much more, but I like the idea of fairness - to the children.
0 Replies
 
jenfargo83
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 10:51 am
@ossobuco,
The events leading up to us drifting apart from each other was both of us. What kept us from possibly working something out was her having a massive interest in another man and she could not step away from. For me, the kids, the house being sold or anything that would have been in the best interests of everyone. So now here we are and I don't want her there anymore.

What is the difference if we were apart, with me in the house and her at her at a relatives house or us both in seperate apartments? There is no difference. If we are apart, this is how it would be anyway, right? So why wait. She is the one who is seeing him right now and because of that, I don't want her in the same "residence" as I am living in, even if we are not there at the same time. That would be the house. It's like I am saying "ok, this will be my place (the house) and that will be your place (her relatives)"

Even if we are not there at the same time makes no difference. Yes I know I can't "make" her leave, but I sure hope she will. Her and the kids will be surrounded by her family. Not a bad thing at all. Yes I am splitting hairs, but if I was the one who cheated, I would feel like I do not deserve to live in that house. Just my opinion. Either way, we will both have a place to live where the children feel comfortable.

If she would step away from him completely (and I know she won't), then yes, us splitting time at the house with the kids always there until we sold it would be ok. But her being there while she is seeing him affects me greatly and in turn that affects the kids. That is reality right there. Besides, the kids are going to have to get used to this at some point anyway. Trust me, I have done everything possible to make this work out without doing this, but she is having none of it. What am I supposed to do?

I do not appreciate the "negative behavior" comment. We are both good people who drifted apart. I am still being a good person about all of this while she is not. That is the truth. I gave her trust and more trust and she slapped me in the face with it. I have had enough. It's sad to see someone so good do something like this. Very sad.
jenfargo83
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 10:56 am
@ossobuco,
One other thing, both of us are the "bad guy" in us drifting apart if you want to look at it that way. I am not keen on ruling, that is an absurd assumption. I'm not talking about what led us to drift apart, I'm talking about the right way to go from this point on, to get the house sold and figure out living arangements. There has to be conditions and her seeing him and living there is unacceptable in my eyes. I personally will not touch another woman until we are totally separate from living together. That is the right thing to do.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 10:59 am
@jenfargo83,
The ownership of the house is a legal issue, separate from any moral view of who did what within the marriage.

Legally, you currently have no more right to the house than she does.

You may feel that you have more moral hold on the marital home - but legally she is co-owner and has equal right to be in the home.

Quote:
the kids are going to have to get used to this at some point anyway


You are the one who has to get used to it - right away.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 11:01 am
@jenfargo83,
jenfargo83 wrote:
There has to be conditions and her seeing him and living there is unacceptable in my eyes.


Regrettably, for you, what matters is the law - not what you personally feel is acceptable or unacceptable.

It's always a shame when relationships end in such unhappy ways.
0 Replies
 
Cycloptichorn
 
  0  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 11:09 am
@ehBeth,
Quote:


You may feel that you have more moral hold on the marital home - but legally she is co-owner and has equal right to be in the home.


Oh, c'mon. A good divorce lawyer can change that pretty quick.

Cycloptichorn
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 11:13 am
@Cycloptichorn,
You didn't understand JPB's post?
Cycloptichorn
 
  0  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 11:19 am
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:

You didn't understand JPB's post?


It depends on what state they live in. In many states infidelity affects issues such as spousal support and final divorce settlements. Courts can also declare 'exclusive possession' of a house in the MIDDLE of a divorce settlement. I know someone personally who had this happen to them.

But don't let actual facts get in the way of a pat answer...

Original Poster, if you don't want your soon-to-be ex wife living in your house, tell your divorce lawyer and try and make it happen.

Cycloptichorn
jenfargo83
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 11:45 am
@Cycloptichorn,
Thank you for that. You were actually paying attention to the post.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  4  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 11:48 am
@Cycloptichorn,
Quote:
My wife and I both own the house


Dude, show me a state that will take someone's name off of a deed and give ownership over to a spouse based on marital infidelity.
Cycloptichorn
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 11:51 am
@JPB,
JPB wrote:

Quote:
My wife and I both own the house


Dude, show me a state that will take someone's name off of a deed and give ownership over to a spouse based on marital infidelity.


Did you read the original post? He didn't ask for her name to be taken off the deed. He did not ask to be granted ownership. He asked if it was possible to get a court order removing the other person from the house. And the answer to that is clearly yes.

Cycloptichorn
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 11:53 am
@Cycloptichorn,
Show me.
Cycloptichorn
 
  2  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 11:58 am
@JPB,
JPB wrote:

Show me.


This was answer #1 on google -

http://rochesterfamilylawyer.korotkinlaw.com/2009/02/22/divorce-and-exclusive-possession-of-marital-residence-during-pendency-of-the-action/

Here's an even better one -

http://www.macelree.com/resources/famlaw_whoownshouse.html

You could always do, yaknow, ten seconds of research before criticizing someone's position.

It's not that you were wrong, it is that you were answering a question nobody asked.

Cycloptichorn
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Dec, 2010 12:06 pm
@Cycloptichorn,
Your first example is probably closer to what's happening in this situation. He's going to claim that she caused the domestic strife and should therefore be the one who has to leave. He's still going to have to show that she has the means to support herself and I don't think moving in with her parents is sufficient means.

Regardless, you're right. I was answering the divorce question not the separation and temporary occupancy question.
0 Replies
 
 

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