Will Ex-wife Get Revenge?

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After almost 2 months without seeing my 11-year old son, I decided to petition the court for visitation. I accompanied my son on his 5th grade senior trip on June 23, 2009 and spoke to him on June 25, 2009 for the last time. I have not seen or spoken to my son since the last week in June 2009. All my text messages and phone calls in a desperate attempt to reach my son have been prevented or blocked by my ex-wife for reasons unknown to me. So, I went to family court and got my papers to serve her for visitation. Why not? I work 32 hours a week at $11.50 an hour plus the WEEKLY child support deducted is $159. I could not allow the abuse anymore. Is she out to destroy me? Will she get upset if I take her to court for visitation? What revenge can I possibly look for?

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@nycfunction,

Well, there you go raising the issue of child support. Whether you pay child support or not has no bearing on whether you have parenting time with your son. (Of course, if you don't pay your child support you might go to jail, but that's an entirely different matter.)

Perhaps you meant to say you are petitioning for parenting time because it's in the best interests of your son to spend time with both parents, including spending reasonable time with you ... and, that your wife's attempt to sabotage your relationship and alienate your son from you by shielding him from all contact with you is not in his best interests.

Whether she will get upset at you for petitioning for visitation depends entirely upon her. You can do a lot of things, but you can't force your ex to be reasonable.

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@Ticomaya,

What about if she request supervised visitation? What then? When my son does something wrong, I correct him firmly to make sure he understands what is wrong is wrong. What about if she uses this against me?

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@nycfunction,

Quote:

Is she out to destroy me? Will she get upset if I take her to court for visitation? What revenge can I possibly look for?

Many women use the kids to take revenge on their ex-spouses. It is a good idea to petition the court for visitation. That may scare her enough to relent, but sometimes it can tear a family apart.

My husband's ex specifically told him that she would do everything in her power to turn the kids against him. She was so determined that one of the kids told him that he did not want to have a relationship with his father, because he feared the wrath of his mother. After many years, the kids, (who were then well into middle age), contacted my husband when their mother died. We now have a casual relationship with all three of them.

Why do you even speak of supervised visitation? Is there anything in your past that might make your ex afraid to leave you alone with your son? Be honest with yourself. Does your ex have a reason to keep you from your son, or is it simply revenge? If it is revenge, and it were me, I would do everything in my power to see the boy, even if it means delivering the support check, when you come to see him.

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@nycfunction,

nycfunction wrote:

When my son does something wrong, I correct him firmly to make sure he understands what is wrong is wrong. What about if she uses this against me?

this sounds a little disturbing, what do you mean by firmly

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@nycfunction,

nycfunction wrote:

What about if she request supervised visitation? What then? When my son does something wrong, I correct him firmly to make sure he understands what is wrong is wrong. What about if she uses this against me?

Are you afraid of supervised visitation? What is firm correction? Do you mean verbal or physical? Perhaps your wife has good reason to keep the boy from you. Of course, that depends on your answers.

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@nycfunction,

The court would determine that, not your ex. If there is a legit reason, then maybe it would be supervised. If it is simply because that is what she wants - then no reasonable court would determine supervised visits.

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@nycfunction,

nycfunction wrote:

What about if she request supervised visitation? What then?

In that case you should respond appropriately.

Quote:

When my son does something wrong, I correct him firmly to make sure he understands what is wrong is wrong. What about if she uses this against me?

Different judges have different views about when supervised visitation is needed. I don't know your judges, and so I can't tell you how your particular judge will view the situation. (... I don't even know the situation.)

Some judges do not think supervised visitation is appropriate unless there is a showing that there is a physical danger to the child without the supervision.

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By firm I mean, as his dad, I have the right to correct him by putting the child in his place. I need for him to understand that thug behavior will not be tolerated.

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@nycfunction,

nycfunction wrote:

By firm I mean, as his dad, I have the right to correct him by putting the child in his place. I need for him to understand that thug behavior will not be tolerated.

Sure; but, the court probably won't look too kindly on you, if you're beating his ass for acting like a thug.

Cycloptichorn

1 Reply

@Cycloptichorn,

Quote:

By firm I mean, as his dad, I have the right to correct him by putting the child in his place. I need for him to understand that thug behavior will not be tolerated.

I still cannot understand what you are saying. Please define what you mean by "putting the child in his place". What is the difference between how your ex relates to the child when he is misbehaving, and what you do? Also, what kind of "thug" behaviors is your child exhibiting?

One of the most difficult things with a broken home is dealing with different styles of discipline between the mother and the father. I think (if it is not too late) that you need to come to an agreement with your ex around manner of discipline.

Remember, your son is living with his mother. One of the things that he needs desperately is consistency. Often, the non-custodial parent has to modify his/her behavior towards the child with regards to discipline so that it is more consonant with the custodial parent.

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@Phoenix32890,

Phoenix32890 wrote:

Quote:
By firm I mean, as his dad, I have the right to correct him by putting the child in his place. I need for him to understand that thug behavior will not be tolerated.

I still cannot understand what you are saying. Please define what you mean by "putting the child in his place". What is the difference between how your ex relates to the child when he is misbehaving, and what you do? Also, what kind of "thug" behaviors is your child exhibiting?

One of the most difficult things with a broken home is dealing with different styles of discipline between the mother and the father. I think (if it is not too late) that you need to come to an agreement with your ex around manner of discipline.

Remember, your son is living with his mother. One of the things that he needs desperately is consistency. Often, the non-custodial parent has to modify his/her behavior towards the child with regards to discipline so that it is more consonant with the custodial parent.

That's not me you quoted

Cycloptichorn

1 Reply

@Cycloptichorn,

So I hit the wrong button. Sorry 'bout that!

1 Reply

@Phoenix32890,

Phoenix32890 wrote:

So I hit the wrong button. Sorry 'bout that!

No prob at all

Cycloptichorn

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@nycfunction,

nycfunction wrote:

By firm I mean, as his dad, I have the right to correct him by putting the child in his place. I need for him to understand that thug behavior will not be tolerated.

This does not answer the question. It is subjective because all dads do not act the same towards their children. Please be specific as to what firm is.

Firm could be a smack across the head or firm could be a verbal "I will not tolerate this anymore so go to your room". Or, anything in between.

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Come on nyc-if you can't be straight with us, a bunch of strangers, how are you going to be straight with a lawyer or a judge? But I do feel ya'. Personally, I don't see any problem with a smack across the head when called for but many do. I say, don't spank your kids and then try and hide it or not stand behind it. That's lame.

In my house, the only one allowed to be a thug"or anything else for that matter"was my father, and if you didn't know it you'd better learn it, and quick.

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I talk sternly to my son. I sometimes yell at him, without cursing, to show him the right way to go. No father wants his son to be a thug. We are living in such a sensitive society thanks to the great damage caused by psychology, sociology and other areas of study that has also affected the church of the Lord Jesus Christ and the military.

Did you know that drill instructors today cannot yell at recruits anymore because it is considered mental abuse? These are the people we are training to proctect us from our enemies and the USA has many enemies. I was yelled at by my Navy Company Commanders and so what. I DO NOT treat my son like a recruit. But I do talk sternly when he does things that he should not do.

In terms of the church, pastors cannot use the word HELL or LAKE OF FIRE as so plainly stated in the Bible because it is considered mental abuse of the congregation. This is exactly what I am talking about. I come from the old school where discipline is not seen as evil but is welcomed to correct deliquent behavior. My son has done horrible things at school. He has been suspended for doing the unbelievable.

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@nycfunction,

What you are stating about drill instructors and pastors is not true. Your posts makes me wonder about your delusions and your general mental state. I think you need to seek out a good therapist who can help you get a better perspective on the world. I think if your son is screwed up you should look at yourself to see if you might be the cause. Just based on what I have seen here, I am tempted to side with your wife and the courts.

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I don't understand people on this discussion board. This has to be the worst board ever! People you are here to answer questions NOT take words and twist them around and accuse people. What is the problem?? I bet someone out there will quote my words and start a argument!

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@May2008,

Quote:

People you are here to answer questions NOT take words and twist them around and accuse people.

That's odd, I thought that I was 'here' for reasons entirely my own; I must have forgotten the part where my participation on A2K was limited to answering your questions.

Cycloptichorn

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Will Ex-wife Get Revenge?

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