Need an exit strategy from a verbally abusive marriage

Glitterbag, thank you for your interest. Like Arella Mae (on another thread) we've dealt with a variety of very strange behaviors.

You are right that I was afraid he was a bigger threat than I wanted to admit but I had the wonderful people here to help me really focus on the important issues and help me keep my focus on where it needed to be.

My not soon enough to be ex has been busy writing e-mails to me which paint me in the light of a vindictive woman who is out for nothing but the shirt off his back and copying in some of his family members on the e-mails. Sad to see my reputation slandered like that, but alas I think they know I'm not what he is accusing me of. If not, then they will get their wake up call someday when he does the same to them.

Through all of this, I am learning a lot about myself. I am a good, kind and caring person who has a lot of love to give someone. I deserve to be truly loved. Right now I am happy spending time with myself and my 5 kitties. We have redone the backyard, painted a few rooms and spent lots of time sleeping on my old broken down queen mattress. I have big dreams for my future . I know there has to be a good man out there for me at some point, I am waiting for that day to come but in the meantime I am content with me. I have come a long way in just a few months...and I want to continue growing.

He called the mediator "Little Hitler" because she was telling him how the law would look at his unreasonable requests for the divorce.

He called the mediator "Little Hitler" because she was telling him how the law would look at his unreasonable requests for the divorce.

Someone hit me over the head and tell me "I told you so." I deserve it.

Woah! Wait a sec.

OH... do you mean what he thinks he should obtain from YOU in the divorce? Well, that's more believable!

Thank goodness you HAVE a mediator, since I'm sure he'd plan to "take you to the cleaner" otherwise. Got your lawyer all lined up? Sounds like you're gonna need one.

So did he get fired for Excessively Annoying His Supervisor, or what? (OK, just, kind of, joking there, it's really none of my biz.)

Thanks Buterfly and DAVID!

DAVID, you asked a very thought provoking question....

and I am afraid I am going to ramble some more....

Truly it was not just one night that he was rude to me.
Sometimes he was downright mean and nasty.

I could see the red flags being posted all over the place but at the point
they were happening it seems I was a bit color blind and only saw them as grey.

Now that I have been able to get away from the verbally abusive remarks,
I can see more what they did to me. I could always tell his manner of 'thinking' was very different from normal
but I never knew the impact of that thinking could influence the way I saw myself.

The depression I expereinced over about 5 years was very slow in coming
but at that point where I was crying myself to sleep every night
because I thought "I" was the bad person he made me out to be,
I knew that I had take drastic action.

According to him, I was argumentative and would scream at him for the most minor of issues.

In reality, it was really the opposite.
If I stood up for myself and expressed my own opinion on a matter
and he did not agree with my point of view, he would push and push his thoughts onto me.

Naturally I would argue back and while I admit I was not perfect in my communication style,
I know that when I was pushed to a point of extreme frustration I would lash out
and say things which were hurtful. They were wrong,
I know and I am very thankful for the counseling sessions I attended
that showed me, I could still get my point across without showing anger.

I am not perfect but I know now, there are ways you can disagree with someone respectfully and lovingly.

It is sad but at many points in the time of my year of marriage,
I simply did not care about defending myself.
I would state a fact unemotionally and then remove myself from the situation so that
I could be true to the person I knew myself to be deep down inside.
That person is forgiving, kind and caring but I could not be that
person around him, because he did not respect me.

From the outside looking in, it would have seemed we were happy,
but that was because I had simply disengaged from my emotions
and I had learned at a very young age how to appear happy
on the outside while secretly being miserable on the inside.

If I had it to do over again, I would have listened to my own inner voice a lot more.
I would have heard the dread I got in my stomach when he suggested getting married.

I have promised myself that as I look to the future
I am not going to make the same mistake I made with EX
and the mistake my mother made with my step dad.
I am not going to simply settle for a guy who says he loves me
but who doesn't show it in his actions.

I probably am not making much sense at this point,

but I had to get some of this out.

Perhaps there are others who can comment on some of their own dealings
with their relationship with someone who verbally abuses them....?

Verbal abuse may not leave physical scars one can see,
but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen more than we would like to admit.

I am afraid I am going to ramble some more....

I was a bit color blind and only saw them as grey.

The depression I expereinced over about 5 years was very slow in coming but at that point where I was crying myself to sleep every night because I thought "I" was the bad person he made me out to be, I knew that I had take drastic action.

It is sad but at many points in the time of my year of marriage, I simply did not care about defending myself.

From the outside looking in, it would have seemed we were happy, but that was because I had simply disengaged from my emotions and I had learned at a very young age how to appear happy on the outside while secretly being miserable on the inside.

I have promised myself that as I look to the future I am not going to make the same mistake I made with EX and the mistake my mother made with my step dad. I am not going to simply settle for a guy who says he loves me but who doesn't show it in his actions.

I probably am not making much sense at this point, but I had to get some of this out. Perhaps there are others who can comment on some of their own dealings with their relationship with someone who verbally abuses them....?

Verbal abuse may not leave physical scars one can see, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen more than we would like to admit.

That had to have been the hardest thing to explain to other people. Everyone thought we were so happy and then one day I finally just woke up and ended it. Everyone was shocked and looked at me like I was the horrible one. Sometimes I almost wish he had hit me once then I could have had some proof, some physical thing to show people and yell "See! He's a monster!" and have saved myself years of heartache from it. Plus I would not have tried so hard or stayed so long in the relationship. If he had ever so much as slapped me I would have had him in jail and all his crap in the dumpster within an hour. Amazing what we decide to live with. What we convince ourselves is OK.