How many people is it acceptable to have.....

perhaps these tidbits make sense in your head, but communication takes more than blurting out snippets of thoughts. oh well. good night anyway.

When it comes to blurting out snippets you would need to work hard to beat-



as if that is an argument.

Yes but no-one berates you for it, nick. However, thanks.

it's not an argument. it does not pretend to be one.

Yah know, I don't mind that spendius judges me. In any case I like to think it's more out of concern (?) than disapproval of my lack of adherence to a traditional moral code.
It's a good indication of life- people WILL judge me, which is why I shan't tell them and retain my 'dignity.' I told the German boy I'd only slept with 3 people anyway, when it came up in conversation.
I have sorted my head out a lot, which is what I intended to do, and am feeling more relaxed about everything.
I was going to say: most of the people that judge me will probably die soon so it doesn't really matter, which is a bit harsh, but oh well.

What was it then dag--an ageist jibe? You had already done the tight-lipped "good night" trick. Not a new one on me.

There has been thousands of years, in all cultures, of strict regulation of the relationship between the sexes. Promiscuity was a feature of the archaic matriarchy in which life expectancies were in the 20's, grubs a rare treat and life was truly nasty, short and brutish. Don't you think there might be some connection between progress and those regulations.

The strict enforcement of those regulations were often disregarded in relation to slaves and prostitution.

You have failed to address my point that it makes no sense to fuss over this matter if it is "typical". If it is an ordinary everyday occurence. Queenie has already said that her family would go ballistic if they knew. Does everything you are saying apply to them. I'm not ballistic. I'm presenting what I think is society's viewpoint. It is not useful to go against society's values.

We have not even mentioned risk of pregnancy or STDs. I'll bet there's not an agony aunt in this country who disagrees with me.

I'm off to the pub.

Try not to drink too much, we wouldn't want you to get brain damage and forget everything you learned in your human sexuality and psychology courses at Oxford.

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I asked around in the pub. Everybody agreed with me. One young man of 21 said that he thought that about 20% of girls Queenie's age might do it after drinking but only 5% would defend it the day after.

The English Rose is the world's most precious commodity and to see it cheapened in this way is appalling to every sensible English man or woman that I know. We can forgive it but defending it is something else.

I can understand others trying to get us down into the hole they are in but don't expect me to lie down for it. All our art would go for tuppeny happeny Dutch auction.

One only has to have read of Sophie Western to know that.

Sophie wouldn't have let Nick Fun clean the stables out if she knew what he has told us. And I wouldn't have blamed her. Using women to wank because it's smoother and a feather in the cap is utterly disgusting. It demeans us all.

It is exactly that my dear sweet one. I have no other consideration. You are the most intelligent lady on A2K and the most beautiful and talented. I will defend you with every last drop of blood in my old and shagged out veins from the damaging forces swirling around your pretty little head. And seek no reward.

Why did your past record come up in coversation?

Since WHEN has the pub been a source of credible statistics Spendius?
I'm not inclined to give a **** about what a load of daily-mail-reading drunken asses think anyway, they're hardly my target audience in life.
And anyway, I'm not planning on wearing it on a frikin T-shirt. Jesus.

Man, the more i labour this point the more i realise i really don't care.

Nods to TKO, and to PQ.

I'm not sure about not texting him at all - but not more than once sans reply.

The trick, for people like us (oh..) is to find someone very interesting - who is also capable of loving. But that brings up what I think about love - that it is a product of a relationship, not primarily the first flash.

Well- I know pubs are a bit down at the moment and all that but they do contain a version of the fabled "man on the Clapham omnibus". They swing elections.
A snapshot of up to the minute public opinion.

I spotted the looming financial crisis long before the government did simply by noticing the declining number of women going in pubs between late 2006 and early 2008 and the change in dress code and made my financial dispositions to take account of it. And much to my satisfaction.

And I have never seen anybody reading the Daily Mail in my pub. I can readily understand Daily Mail readers not being your target audience. We have that in common at least.

I'm a sociologist to some extent and I can notice slight changes in trends. Most people seem to have no idea how puritanical TV has become in the last 5 years.

If it carries on like it is I expect I'm a Celebrity-Get Me Out of Here to be shot in a nunnery before too long. Babestation and 40+ Reader's Wives XXX stalled years ago. They'll be closing down at 11 pm soon and playing God Save the Queen so we are all bright eyed and bushy-tailed at dawn ready to pile up the CO2 even higher.

That's like learning to play 100+ musical instruments instead of concentrating on one and getting to the bottom of it.

Did you carve notches on your bedpost with your Boy Scout knife.

I presume you meant fucked rather than slept. Are you a shy person Nick?

Then maybe you owe Spendi some thanks. When you realize that the only people who were judging you are the most obtuse of idiots, it's hard to care about it at all. Let them think what they wish. I think you're figuring it out just fine.

Spendi may think he has the utmost respect for English women, but it just sounds like objectifying bullshit garnished well with insecurity. One person's opinion counts, yours PQ.

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Her own opinion is what's most important in terms of how she feels about herself, yes, I could't agree more.
But I'm surprised as a sex educator Diest, that you don't find a problem with the fact that she misled this guy as to how many partners she's had.
In this day and age, that's an important piece of information a person has the right to have and actually, NEEDS to know accurately in order to make a careful and informed decision as to whether or not s/he wants to go there - with that person and all of that person's partners and all of their partners.

Three is a lot different than fourteen - or now fifteen.
I know that difference would make a difference in my decision about whether or not to risk indulging- for my own emotional and physical safety and health.
And I'm not someone who's judging her by my own standards - actually I sometimes I wish I'd had sex with a few more people when I was younger (although not fifteen- more than three though - somewhere in between probably).
If she's lying to him - he may be lying to her- about anything - even his HIV status.
I don't think you have to wear your sexual history on a t-shirt- but I do think it's important to be truthful.
And if you do feel too ashamed to be truthful - maybe that means your behavior needs to change - for your own sake - not for anyone elses.
I'd tell my own daughter exactly the same thing.

I'd also tell my son.
I see absolutely no reason to differentiate as far as the emotional and physical health risks inherent in casual and promiscuous sex are concerned.
I'd be just as disappointed to see my son be the sort of person who used women routinely as I would be in my daughter if she allowed herself to be used.

I said daughter because PQ's a girl and that's where my mind was at at the moment.
PQ-I thought it was interesting that you always chose partners you didn't find or think were as intelligent as you consider yourself to be.
I was always the opposite - I was only interested if I thought they were at least as smart and usually smarter than me.
Maybe it has something to do with my lifelong love of learning.

It's not that I do or don't have a problem with it. It's just not what I believe is being addressed here. I don't believe PQ has disclosed what her sexual health practices are here (birth control, condoms, frequency of STI screening, etc). A number is nothing more than a number, and as far as I'm concerned it's a private matter.

I'd have felt better had she opted to simply not disclose (as opposed to offering a false number), but given the exact specifics of PQ feelings, I think this speaks exactly to her original questions.

It's not about her being ashamed of her number, it's about her becoming comfortable with it and not defining her sexuality by it.

If PQ want so ask a question about sexual health and how to approach the topics of STI etc with sexual partners, I'd be glad to weigh in. I just don't think that was the point of the thread.

While knowing someone's number can effect someone's choice, I do not think it's something they are entitled to such as information about personal sexually transmitted infections. I do think it's every person's responsibility to get tested frequently.

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This is the point of the thread as I understand it.

is the name of the thread

I think it's directly en pointe to advocate truth in disclosure as a part of this discussion.

I think it speaks directly to the point that she felt uncomfortable to the point of lying.

And I think as sentient adults it's important to point out the dangers of lying about it and how she feels about it to others - and more or most importantly to herself.

Spendius is right - she's engaging in dangerous behaviors. Anyone who cared about her would point that out. If it's not a sexual danger- it's a physical danger. She doesn't know this guy from Adam- he could be a ******* rapist for all she knows as she's walking back to her bedroom with him and undressing behind a locked door.

Maybe it's because I'm a woman or a mother - or both - but my inclination would never have been to say BRAVO!
And it's not because I'm a prude - cause I aint.
It's because I hate to see women place themselves in vulnerable and unsafe situations.

And if that's off point - so be it - but it needed to be said.

Some people will lie about having a number other than zero, even if it's one. The perception comes from both ends.

From society a question about how many people it is acceptable to have sex with is going to be an answer that PQ is either going to fall above or below some perceived standard. From the individual, it's going to answered in terms of higher or lower than the expectation.

For PQ, it seems that she has struggled with sexual number dominating her sexual identity. Resenting the notion that what she does is no different than her male peers and yet somehow the societal answer to her question is different than men her age (if they are questioned at all). I think she has a very fair point. Her moral outrage is far more qualified than someone like Spendi saying that she's spoiling fine British stock.

I say "Bravo" not because she went out and found some guy to have sex with. She went and interacted with a guy who she was engaged in intellectually and her sexual experience was more emotionally rounded. She woke up not feeling guilty.

PQ isn't doing anything that odd or exceptional in any way, she's just choosing to come here and share. If you think that she's the only 20 something whose had a midnight liaison with a person she barely knew, you're wrong. I'm sure there are plenty here on A2K for that matter.

She shouldn't have lied. You're right. But cut her some slack, she shouldn't have to feel the need to lie either. Plenty of men my age has outstandingly high numbers, and I know few that even think twice about it. Given some time, perhaps PQ can become comfortable enough where she can confidently share that information if she chooses to.

I respect the whole maternal itch thing. Perhaps it is the way you relate this back to your own feelings about your own sexuality and how that will play a role in the education of your daughter. I'm only an observer, I know not the inner workings of the female mind in terms of reconciling one's sexual identity. Transference of guilt however is something I'd caution you away from. If you think PQ needs to feel guilty because you would feel guilty if it was you, perhaps taking a step back would be good.

You're concern however does seem sincere (unlike Spendi's). I think we can create a dialog about building a positive healthy sexual identity that is honest and confident without invoking judgment on others.

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