How many people is it acceptable to have.....

Well TK- She did say she thought she might prefer the guilt. So she is equivocal about it which means somewhat mixed up. She is even equivocal about the guilt and hints that others have disapproved of her behaviour.

She has also paraded her experience before an anonymous audience in the manner of the confessional. Has she written to her parents about it? Shouldn't some of us take the role of surrogates for them. She is highly likely to return to them if everything falls apart on her.

She is in the middle of a vast cosmopolitan city and has not been there very long after 20 years of socialisation in a provincial town. It is a fair enough assumption that she is feeling homesick, vulnerable and lonely. Young girls readily fall in love in such circumstances. She has a high opinion of her charms and talents and probably justifiably so. She has admitted to giving herself to 14 lovers in the past who she now realises she didn't like very much which I doubt she would have admitted at the various times.

We don't know as yet how much under the influence of alcohol or other narcotics she was during this episode of which she obviously feels some residual sense of shame. He may even have slipped something into her drink. And she is left abandoned and mooning over her mobile by this strange man who, if he has the capacity to affect her so much, can be assumed to have a close female friend where he comes from and is possibly even married or betrothed. And we know he is the sort of man who doesn't feel any need to get to know a girl before he commits an act which has far more meaning to a woman than it does to a man. He's a cad and there's no doubt in my mind about that. He probably didn't know, or care, what her full name is.
He has added to her cynicism about men which is apparent from her use of "usual old thing" and that can easily turn to bitterness and affect her future attitude which someone in the future who does love her will have to deal with.
And where was he the previous night and the night before that?

And he has distracted her from her studies to the extent we can read into her post and, seemingly, lowered her friend's estimations of her.

What need does a beautiful and talented young lady have to go "acknowledging something about herself". That's pure bullshit. What something? What substance? What "better understanding of herself". All that is Agony Aunt drivel. Caricature. Stereotyping.



Your crass, cliched and incoherent post shows not the slightest glimmer of shedding any light on that crass, cliched and incoherent assertion.

What on earth is an "unchallenging person"? You're looking for an easy route alright. In 7 no trumps.

I stand by my previous post despite your assertion that it was "irrelevant".

Spendius, what the ****?

Thats utterly ridiculous.

Have you posted what you did for us to your immediate family?

After all it is of much more interest to them than it it is to us. It concerned a story of the utmost triviality unless it has a bearing on certain general principles in society at large which is the aspect of it I was dealing with so that other young ladies reading it might have another way of looking at the matter.

You can't 'fall for' the intelligence bit. It's just we had a lot to talk about.
I think I'd KNOW if someone spiked my drink. It's not like he put an E in it to give me the illusion I was in love with him.
I haven't come on here to bullshit, you
I was joking about preferring the guilt... I just meant it was less hassle.

I don't care what his motives were, although he seemed a bit too naive and straightforward for that kind of ****.
This all boils down to the point that you think that by shagging someone I'm degrading myself just because I'm a woman.
And also you're judging for me posting this on the internet in the first place, which I have to say that I really don't care about, because i come on here to learn and not to just present a lovely twee socially acceptable image of myself.

And urm..... I would never tell my parents as they would execute me, but I am neither lonely nor vulnerable. I have lots of lovely friends and I only go home about a year because i can't be bothered, although i talk to my parents quite a bit.

And thank you diest, I think you're right.
Learn learn learn.

My immediate family would give me absolutely no constructive advice whatsoever. They'd tell me: what I have done is wrong, I should be ashamed, I have degraded myself, I am a disgrace, that they didn't bring me up to act like this, I should go back to church, I need to find God again, etc etc etc.

We are talking about you giving yourself to a complete stanger from another country at such short notice that he couldn't even class as an acqaintance.

I think that is degrading--yes. And I think the vast majority of the population would agree with me. You readily admit the ferocity of your parent's response.

And I hope my posts have corrected any impression our American and other viewers may have gained that your behaviour is in any way typical of English women of your age because it isn't.

If you meet another young man tonight and tell him what you have told us he will, if he has any sense, remove himself from your company and possibly not so politely.

Bullshit.

It isn't a question of your behaviour being "wrong" and I would have no inclination to usher you back into church to find God.

It is that it is no good for you. It runs too many risks. And for what? Anybody who recommends it is not your friend.

Okay.

And what the ****? That type of behavior is perfectly typical of a British woman of my age and you know it is. It's probably typical of an american one at college too.

And that is the point- those type of judgements rest on the idea that men are dominant and therefore 'take the woman' and that women are servile and 'get taken.'

I don't agree at all. I know it happens but it is a long way from typical and I imagine that applies to the US as well. I know how women who do that sort of thing are talked about. It is not with respect.

Your second sentence and your post about your family suggest that there is possibly an element of rebellion in your attitude and that your actions are one in the eye to your family and to the concept of the dominant male. That you'll show 'em. In that case you used the guy. He certainly used you.

Do you really think he is unattached in Germany. A 25 year old with the charm to take your head off your shoulders. It's hardly likely.

of course it's pretty typical. Spendius only brings forth a heap of unfounded assumptions about a guy he only read a few lines about from second hand.
Also, most a2k people come here to vent about things, think things through.... and many of them are precisely those things you don't wish to discuss with your immediate family.

in any case, it sounds to me like you entered a new phase in life some time ago, your world filled with excitement and all things new, but after awhile, understandably, the magic fizzled out, or perhaps you are burnt out. that is normal in new stages of life -- whether with new school, job, location, many things. you are looking for yourself, and feel the need to be introspective, so indulge. take a break, focus on yourself. life is dialectic. thesis, antithesis, synthesis

Why the "pretty" dag. It sounds a bit unsure. Like you want to give the impression it is typical but can't quite get up for it. It isn't typical. It is not uncommon I'll agree. But it isn't typical. Fiona Pitt Kethley used to have soldiers in the toilets on railway journeys, for kicks. Is that typical?

What unfounded assumptions are you referring to? I took the sparse info Queenie provided as my starting point. I didn't even use all of it. He got sorted at no cost. She must have paid for her own drinks so she wasn't bending the knee to male dominance. It was her place. He did the deed and flew out. And we don't even know if he did fly out. He left. Is that love?

Queenie has never given me the impression she is burnt out. And I've never felt burnt out nor have I ever thought of life as having stages.

And if life is "dialectic. thesis, antithesis, synthesis" isn't it necessary to have countervailing views expressed. What is agreement and approval going to acheive regarding those important concepts? You do approve of what she did I presume.

And it is likely that those who don't approve will not come on here for fear of being accused of being old-fashioned fuddy-duddies.

If the activity is so typical that it might be considered in the same light as having a cup of tea why is it the subject of such attention? The typical generally passes without comment. The existence of the thread is proof that it isn't typical.

I fully approve of what she did. There is no reason for guilt or shame. God will not strike you dead. In my college days alone I may have slept with 100+ women. And I'd do it again! And again!

Well doesn't it prove it's stereotyped bullshit then? I assume you had a certain level of something similar to respect for me before you found out I degraded myself with a German.

you've been out of college for a looooooong time, haven't you.

BS again. It's at most a proof that PQ is searching for herself, and doing rather OK in it. of nothing more.

Yes.

Huxley's prophetic vision of the state disapproval of any relationships other that one night stands is slowly coming true.

I still don't see why this subject is exercising those who think it is typical.

A well known expression for lack of interest is "I don't give a flying ****".

And "unlosable" games are not very interesting.

And "Everyone felt the same" is a really romantic idea I must say.