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I'm a Stalker!

 
 
mushypancakes
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 11:12 am
Montana! C'mon.

"Watching a movie" at his place late at night, after lots of beers.

Seriously not trying to be a bitch. Just wondered what you thought was going to happen at that point there?

That he would open his heart and tell you he had all these feelings for you too, and was just waiting for now to tell you?

And - if he had - would that have made it any better? Not very romantic, or easy to trust a man full of beer heartbreak and horny.
To be there, and to be getting close to him at this time? After all of this? And with him out of that relationship not that long ago?

He could have said it: Slept with you, then fled the scene. He didn't. At least he was honest about that.

I know you had your heart set on him. I re-read that thread in General. EhBeth was right on. Right on the money.

If you need to cry, and let it out, and whatever that's cool. You do it.

But don't let this be another thing to use as a reason/excuse to sit back and wait. And wait. And hope.

Use it for fuel to know: I, Montana, am a gorgeous woman with a lot to offer. There is nothing wrong with me just because a hot man doesn't come knocking down my door begging to be with me. Healthy men don't do that anyways. They want real signals (not just flirting) and active participation. And if they aren't interested, doesn't mean there is a thing wrong with you! **** happens. We don't always get the guy we want.

There is nothing wrong with a man either for flirting with me and wanting to have sex with me - it doesn't make him a jerk - if I am allowing it to happen and feeding fantasies in my mind but not making it clear with my actions what I want.

Men aren't mind readers. I'd say Frenchy is a jerk IF he had treated you disrespectfully or meanly or differently as soon as you turned down his offer for sex. (even though I think it would be human of him to get a little annoyed that you went up there and showed interested to sex then bombed him with big feelings talk).

Ok, I'm officially taking over as bitch then. Smile But it needs to be said!

You are wasting some of the best time of your life - single when you don't want to be!

And why??? Cause you see something, want it, hope for it, and then let your feelings get out of hand without stepping up to confirm it or not in reality: move on it, or move on.

You yourself have said "I avoid things that may hurt me". Yeah. Join the club. Smile But that can't rule what you do or don't do, or else you'll be a world of hurt for no reason...and this is no reason.

This isn't the end of anything but the running you were doing in your head.
Wanted this; didn't get it. No relationship ruined or ending here.

Blessing. This is good. So why did it take you all this time to find this out? One date, or ask for a date, and you would have known. And it wouldn't hurt like this. Not at all.

You've gone through more **** with this crush with frenchy than I have in some of my relationships..and gotten sadder when it 'ended' too. lol. So does that mean I have not the depth of your feelings? Hardly.
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Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 11:18 am
Me & Mushypancakes are right, and JustBrooke is wrong.

Don't screw up what could be a nice thing. Follow my simple instructions or I'll have to give you a tellin'-to.
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JustBrooke
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 11:42 am
Ahhhhhhhhh man! I'm wrong ... AGAIN!

Dang me!

Truly......I stick by what I said though, Montana. In our pm's. :wink:

You know deep down what feels right to you and what ya gotta do!

Especially remember what you told me in pm that made you lose respect for him. That will be very hard to ever get back. You'll find it hard to trust him, I think. You will always wonder if he speaks the truth. (And you know what I mean.)
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 11:43 am
mushyPeas, you said that in a nicer way than I could have.

I sure hope Montana's got this completely out of her system, and has learned a couple of lessons.
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Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 11:50 am
JustBrooke wrote:
Ahhhhhhhhh man! I'm wrong ... AGAIN!

Dang me!
In as much as........ if you don't give things a really good try, and put your fears and doubts aside, and have patience and understanding, and recognize that no one is perfect - not even close......you will never know if it could work.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 11:54 am
That woulda been brilliant advice, Chumly - a year or two ago.
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Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 11:56 am
Oh dear! All I might say then is that.......the only thing that can be changed is what's going to happen.
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 01:12 pm
Beth, you think MP said that in a nice way?

#1. neither one of us was even close to drunk. 3 beers each that took over 3 hours to drink doesn't even come close to qualifying as even buzzed. I was a tad bit relaxed, as he was and that's as far as the drinking went.

#2. I'm not some naive little twit who can't see what's right in front of her face.

#3. He lied to me more than once, which is where jerk part floats in.

#4. He knew I had feelings for him and there was no way of him not knowing and anyone who was in that pub last night would have thought he had the same feelings for me. My son was there and witnessed it.

#5. I would think it disrespectful for any man to grope any woman he invited over to watch a movie. The only way that would have made it ok is if he asked me if I wanted to go to his place to [email protected]#k!

#6. I know what I think and what I feel, so please don't pretend to think you know anything about what goes on inside me. What you think you know is way way off!!!!!


I should have kept my mouth shut and kept my pain to myself! At least then I wouldn't have taken the risk of adding to it.

See ya!
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CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 01:25 pm
In the real world you don't go to a guys place late at night and think
you're watching a movie only, especially when things get heated up.
It's quite naive to think otherwise, and for your own safety Montana,
don't ever do that again if you're not prepared to be intimate with him.

No one is trying to be mean here, Montana, on the contrary, people are
concerned for you, especially musypancakes, who was trying to tell you in a nice way how naive you have been. It could have gone quite ugly too.

It is one thing to be friends with a guy, hang out with him and watch
a movie at his place. It's another scenario if you're romantically linked
to that person, start flirting with him, and accept an invitation to his
place.
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 01:46 pm
I'm not naive. We were not strangers. We worked together for 8 months, where he was my superviser for 3 of those months.
I don't know where you pull stuff out of, but I didn't start flurting with him. We talked with eachother like adults do and there was no baby ga ga ****.
We were obviously comfortable talking with eachother and I've gone to men friends places in the past to watch movies and nothing more.
He talked about how important it was for him to learn english and I offered to help him, which he was very happy about.
Yes, I knew that he would make a move on me, but I didn't think that all he wanted was to get laid. He didn't give me that impression at all!

I've got to get out of here because I'm tired of being angry and some people thinking they know everything about everything.

I'm not [email protected]#kin stupid and I don't appreciate being treated as if I am.

Just because I have a heart doesn't mean I'm naive. I like my heart and I'll be keeping it, thank you very much!
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Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 02:09 pm
I saw her today at a reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was her footloose man

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 02:12 pm
JustBrooke wrote:
Ahhhhhhhhh man! I'm wrong ... AGAIN!

Dang me!

Truly......I stick by what I said though, Montana. In our pm's. :wink:

You know deep down what feels right to you and what ya gotta do!

Especially remember what you told me in pm that made you lose respect for him. That will be very hard to ever get back. You'll find it hard to trust him, I think. You will always wonder if he speaks the truth. (And you know what I mean.)


Yes, I do Brooke. Thank you.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 02:33 pm
Montana wrote:
Beth, you think MP said that in a nice way?


Yes, I think MushyPeas said some difficult things in a nice way. If you read what she said very carefully (maybe not now, maybe in a month or so), you'll see that she's recognized your upset and been pretty supportive - and reminded you of how great you are.

mushypancakes wrote:
Use it for fuel to know: I, Montana, am a gorgeous woman with a lot to offer.

There is nothing wrong with me just because a hot man doesn't come knocking down my door begging to be with me. Healthy men don't do that anyways. They want real signals (not just flirting) and active participation.

And if they aren't interested, doesn't mean there is a thing wrong with you! **** happens. We don't always get the guy we want.


If you don't want to see it, or can't see it, then it's a shame.

~~~

I can tell you that I have RL friends who wouldn't have been nearly as gentle with me as MushyPeas was with you in this situation (and yes I truly consider them friends).
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 07:04 pm
What I think is a shame Beth is that I was/am hurt and just came here to vent. I didn't ask for advice because I don't need it. I know my situation quite well and have been in more than enough relationships in my lifetime to know what's what.

The last thing I needed was to hear was things like "you hope that I learned a lesson", "in the real world", "I'm naive", "feeding fantacies", and "not in reality", along with trying to explain what happened when none of you were there.
Assuming we were both shitfaced, when we only had a few beers and writing out what is supposedly going on in my mind just pisses me off and the real shame is that you can't see how very degrading and insulting those things are to me. You're treating me as if I was some idiot who can't think for herself and I absolutely hate it when people assume they know what's going on in my mind and in my heart.

I have a firm grip on reality, am very much in the real world, not living in any fantasy world, and am far from naive. I'd be willing to bet you guys would get pissed off as well if people spoke to you in the same way.

I'm not sitting at home waiting for any man to come to my door. In fact, I was staying home to avoid men so I could spare myself from being hurt again.

I finally found the guts to go out last night in hopes of seeing the man I want. We spent some time together and we both have feelings for eachother. I know this because it's written all over him. Everyone who was in that pub could see it and he showed me every day of the 8 months I worked with him. Sadly, he just got out of a relationship around 4 months or so ago and even though I'm ready to get involved, he's not. He's hurting and is afraid of being hurt again. I understand that completely and was just upset because of the way he handled things last night. Now that I've had time to think about it, I feel his pain because I know full well what it's like to be hurt to the point where you don't want to feel anymore.
When I asked how he felt about me, he hesitated before he said he didn't want any attackments because they're too painful, I didn't know how to take that at the time because I was a bit floored, but after thinking about it and remember the fear in his eyes at the time, I get it. I know that fear all too well.
I never told him until last night how I felt. Of course he had an idea, but the entire time I knew him, he saw that very same fear in my eyes when he was jumping through hoops to try to get my attention. I ran away from him, so he didn't know what the hell was up with me.
Last night I finally told him for the first time how I felt and he was just as scared as I was of him when he was chasing me. I get that and it's not me being naive or in some fantasy. It's two human beings who want to connect, but are both scared **** of getting hurt.

I'm only explaining all this so maybe you can get a clearer picture of things the way they are. Maybe you still won't understand because you may have never had the experience yourself, but you do need to know that by treating me like some airhead in la la land doesn't help me one bit. In fact it adds to the pain I already have. It's simply not fair to assume you know anything about what either one of us are thinking or feeling because you can't possibly know that.

If any of you had been at that pub last night or worked with us the 8 months we worked together, I assure you that you wouldn't be putting me in this fantasy world that you've created just for me.

The biggest shame of all is that that you don't even seem to realize that you're insulting me.
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Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 08:26 pm
I doubt A2K makes for a very good venting platform!

Unless you're talking about the science fiction method of killing people by venting them into space....
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 May, 2008 09:04 pm
I'm agree Chumly and if there are any lessons I've learned it's that Laughing
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