ME MYSELF I - The pros & cons of the solo life

Hello Misti

I'm still a newbie on that journey, adjusting, adjusting, adjusting ...
I do know a bit about the "soul searching" is refer to, done quite a bit of that! And yes, I'm surprising myself by the things I actually CAN do now that there's only me to do them.

BTW, have you noticed the high proportion of pet ownership amongst A2K solo people? I guess we're not really, totally alone if there's at least one critter to look after, talk with & cuddle!

Misti - what more could you possiblly want - your own computer and your own cat! Heaven

Msolga, keep on adjusting, it gets easier as time goes on, before you know it, you're in a totally different place, and loving it.

Yes, I've noticed the pet ownership among A2K'rs, it's incredible!

I wish I had the insight years ago to know how comforting having a pet was. I would have had one all along my journey, but as it turned out, I didn't have them until Rae came, she gave me the inspiration, from there I realized how loved and needed I am.

Hugs to you!

I am also not totally alone since I live with my mother and son and I am happy with my life for now, although it does get a bit lonely sometimes.

I understand Montana, more than you know:)

I'm quite sure you do Misti ;-) Mom is wonderful and my son is a great kid, so there's no room for me to complain, but someone to snuggle with wouldn't hurt a bit either :-D

More to this thread than I originally thought. Still mulling over what to add.

Nice thoughts.

Ms. Olga, my grandma Antrim died a few years ago, just short of her hundredth birthday (she was born in July, 1899). It has been many years since she made that comment, which she made on more than one occassion. (Usually when i displayed idiosyncratic behavior, or was fussy about my meals or my comfort. In 1976, i got a job near where she lived, so i lived in her house, and paid for the utilities and all the groceries--it made sense, it was far cheaper for me, and it saved her lots of money, as well. As she raised me when i was just a liddly, it was like living with your mom, but there weren't a lot of the issues which moms and their children have--she was 51 when i was born, and a more serenely sedate woman than young mothers often are.) It still remains to be seen, of course . . .

Setanta

Grandma Antrim was born in 1899! What an amazing innings. Now she would have seen a helluva lot of changes in her lifetime!
You must miss her a great deal.
If longevity is in your family genes, Setanta, looks like you, too will be around for a long time yet. How does the idea of being a batchelor for 99 years appeal to you, I wonder?

My aunt lived to be a hundred. She was married many years. She also worked as a one room school teacher, and as a bookkeeper. Married first to the then editor of College Humor magazine, knew people like Scott and Zelda. Worked at Disney's and later at a local junior college. Her first husband died of tb in the 1930's. Her second husband died when she was eighty, in the 1980's.

My point, sometime things work out that even if you are together, you end up alone... My aunt was fortunate in that she had a lot of mental resources for those years alone.

osso

What a fascinating life your aunt had! I hope you got to "travel" with her, for some of the time at least! The people you would have met! The things you would have seen!

You said:
My point, sometime things work out that even if you are together, you end up alone... My aunt was fortunate in that she had a lot of mental resources for those years alone.

What was the secret of her exceptional mental resources? (A great interest in everything around her, I suspect!)

Yes, she was a great observer, and then storyteller. Had a basic curiosity, and good sense of humor, by which I mean more than just funniness - perspective and wit. (You can tell I was a big fan.) Her stories were comedic not, again, in that they were knee slappers, but that she didn't drone on and on about tragic/catastrophic/depressing matters.

osso

It always intrigues me that some people get dragged down by the difficulties of life while others remain eternal optimists, curious about the world & what it has to offer, flexible & open to new ideas & experiences. Guess that's the secret: living your life rather than just enduring it.

The best thing abt living alone is that you can bring home anyone you want without worrying abt yr housemates

Ms. Olga, my Nonny (Grandma Antrim) did see much change, indeed. I remember she told me wry that when Haley's came through the first time in the 20th century, half the people went to church and prayed like the dickens, because they knew it was the end of the world; the other half packed a big picnic basket, hitched up the wagon or the buggy, and went out to see the thing--and in the cities, they had comet parties.

I once asked her, in view of her living from "horse and buggy days" through the moon landing and beyond, what was the greatest advance in her lifetime. She replied: "Cake mixes."

Setanta

I'll bet she wasn't amongst those praying like the dickens, expecting the world to end because of a mere comet! She sounded far too gutsy & down to earth for that!

Fascinating article in the Sunday NYT Mag about this. I think I'll start a thread about it.

To all, a friend of mine IRL just decided that she needed to divorce her husband and is going through that now... poor girl. She's being strong about it but it is obviously devastating. Thought about this thread while talking to her. She's currently living with friends while waiting for her house to sell and looking for a new place to live, so she hasn't really reached the "ooh, mine, all mine!" stage yet.

Soz...you're right, it does take awhile. And she is still grieving. But I predict that once she finds that new place of her own and moves in, THEN she'll be at the "ooh, mine, all mine!" stage.

Wish her all the very best of luck from me, soz! It's a demanding journey that can be quite frightening at first. If she hasn't lived alone for quite a long time then that's a big adjustment in itself. I have gone through the "all mine" stage ... now being followed by the "My God, I'm totally on my own here! What do I want to do with my life once I get my energy back?"-phase .... Ups & downs, little & big adjustments, regrets followed by optimism ... followed by a flat day or two .... It really takes a while before things feel settle & feel more resolved.

Yes, do sozobe! And post the link here so all of us can find it. A2K has so much going on these days ... it can be quite hard trying to find the thread you're looking for ...