ME MYSELF I - The pros & cons of the solo life

I live with housemates - some have been fun, some have been disgusting. I've been single for most of the last 10 years. I used miss being in a relationship a lot, but not so much anymore (it'd be nice, but I don't think much about it until some one poses a Q like this one). And, of all the men I've been in relationships with I've only lived with one. So, I don't miss that aspect of being with a guy.

Slappy said: "But you know what the best part about having roomates is? Pranks you can pull on them. Nothing says "fun" like anal rape for the goof!"

I know it is all tongue in cheek and adorably clever, Slappy - and one is a doofus ands way uncool to object in any way - but, for the record, and - doubtless with no effect or importance - I find that one of the times you are just not funny.

So it goes.

Pass along people - nothing to see here.

Did you like living with the beloved, Little k?

I love the cuddles and the cooking together and the intimacy.

DON'T like the socks and undies (a cliche, I know - but it's TRUE, generally) - feeling mean if I don't go to bed when he does (when I worked late at night, I used to go to bed when beloved did, cuddle him until he slept, unwind myself carefully, and go out and party with the household until he was asleep) - feeling I needed to account for myself about when I came home and such - (just reasonable I know - but I like to be flexible).

I prefer a few days with someone - then a few days break...

Deb, he was, by far, the worst man I ever dated. There was no cuddle time and very little cooking together.

I am single. The upside is the freedom which comes with being single (do what you want, when you want and how you want ). The downside is not being able to share the things I do/accomplish with that freedom ( not for approval, not for something in return but for the joy of sharing ).

Oh, I love living with my significant other. Living with roomates was a nightmare but "sharing" space with someone you love is completely different. And we have a bunny who hops around and entertains us too.

Although I know I can bounce back to single life if that is in the cards, I am a little concerned about what happens if things don't work out between the two of us. The packing and coming across old momentos might be a little unsettling.

But for now, I'll just enjoy the time that we cook, cuddle, and play together.

I'm somewhere between EileenM and the rest of y'all -- I'm an only child, value having time and space to myself, used to have a pretty good set-up in that E.G. travels all the dang time, so I would have stretches of time to myself and then be genuinely thrilled to see him when he showed up again. "Used to" because he is a major partner in childrearing and when he's gone these days, it's not that I have time and space to myself, but that I don't have relief in childcare.

We both have definitely kept vestiges of having time to ourselves, though -- one thing I value about him is he understands how important that is to me, and will come home after I've had a hard day, scoop up the sozlet, and say "shoo."

How wonderful, Soz!

Awwwwwwww.....

Oh! <gulp>

C'mon Msolga - is there no joy in coming home to find peace and order, as you left it? No belongings strewn across every square foot? No food plates and glasses littering the living room? No milk souring in the heat, no food scattered all over the kitchen? No music you dislike blaring out?

Sigh - no fire crackling and blazing warmly....no dinner smells.....no cheerful greeting.....no babbling about the day.....no warm hug.....waaaaaah!


Swings and roundabouts, swings and roundabouts.....

Such thoughtful responses! It has been illuminating to read your words on this subject. Thank you all for taking the time to speak so frankly.

Me. Well, I won't have *properly* lived alone for a whole year till this coming December. I bought this tiny Victorian cottage I now live in in December of last year. Prior to that there was something like 5 years of on & off, yes/no, maybe we'll reconcile & live together again ... Selling the house we'd put so many of our dreams & hopes into made the separation & the aloneness definite & final. Quite an upheaval!

There are so many things I like about being responsible to only me & my cat! It's terrific that I can be what I need & want to be at any particular time. Act as the spirit moves me, so to speak. I love seeing the improvements that I've been responsible for in my house & garden. I'm so excited at the prospect of spring & seeing the results of all the soil improvement, the new plants (including the blood red roses! ) come to fruition. All my own work! I certainly don't miss the angst & the arguments & the pain of a dying relationship, either! And I loved being the SOLE person to choose where I live now ... right in the thick of things! It suits me down to the ground!

But, but ... Like Setanta & Quinn I worry about illness, or needing care & no one being there. What if I really need to, but can't make contact with anyone? I become a little sad & anxious when I read those stories in the paper, telling of someone whose died & not been discovered for days, weeks or even years! <gulp>
And it saddens me sometimes that there isn't a *significant other* to hug or be hugged by after a bad day. Thank god for friends! Thank god for the telephone!


But, being realistic, for me, it's still early days with this solo thing. I strongly suspect that I don't want to have that sort of all-embracing intimacy again, of sharing the same roof with a partner for the long haul. But who knows what directions life will lead me toward in the future? I figure all it takes is an open mind & a bit of courage!

Ah, dlowan you made me laugh, you funny rabbit-person!
I read your first words & thought I was in for a pep talk .... only to read the 2nd paragraph!
Yep, that's exactly how it is. Up, down, even stevens, up then down ... Beats boredom doesn't it?

And, er ... I DID find the dishes in the sink when I returned to my abode after work on this chilly Melbourne afternoon. The fairies didn't wash them after I'd left this morning! (I must train that tuxedo cat to be more useful on the domestic front!)

yes - there is the whole fairies problem (we sound like my mother!).

I have a dishwasher instead of fairies - fairies are soooooooo temperamental, my dear!

Little k! You make sure you get yourself a cuddly/cooky one next time! Makes up for a lot.....

And a sense of goddamn humour!

I like having house-mates. We never argue, watch the same TV, films, sports, like broadly the same music, don't eat each others' food, clean the bathroom, wash up regularly and take the bins out on time. And we're all hetro!

dlowan

I seriously wonder how many people living alone don't bother to cook properly because of the washing up after problem? It's all too much when a person's dog tired!

Hmmm - the dog tired thing - yes - I understand completely. Cooking is a very social thing.

Grand Duke, wow! Lovely household.

I have been in some fabulous ones, but I must say housework became an issue in many of the ones with men - and I really LIKE mixed living, too.

I have lived with some very responsible men, too - but I speak en masse....

Grand Duke

Who needs the angst of a *relationship* when you are able to live such a harmonious life with your housemates?

LOL Msolga!

Some of the most outrageously fun times of my life have been in households (and I did it for a long time) - and the most emotionally close and warm ones.

Boy - it can be bad when it goes bad, though.....just like life, I guess!