ME MYSELF I - The pros & cons of the solo life

How nice to find so many new posts here.
I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to read what you have to say, so candidly, about your own lives.
This is wonderful.
More, please!

The best thing abt living alone is the ability to sleep diagonally on a large bed !! )

Amen to that!

Mind you, snuggling is cool too.

Yeah, that's pretty good.
But ..... I'm not 100% certain it's the very best thing.

Let me think about that for a bit ... it deserves serious consideration!

OK , after some consideration, I think the best thing about living alone is ... after a particularly hideous & stressful day, when maybe I've lost a marble or 2 in the process, shutting the front door behind me when I get home & not having to deal with anyone or anything else I choose not to deal with. To just enjoy the peace & the solitude. That is so good!

Any post addressed to 'the occupier' is all yours.

You can fart as much as you want

That also applies if it's just you an the kids.

I just stumbled upon this thread. This is the first time I've seen it.

When I was young, I was under tremendous pressure to get married. Tremendous. I would meet a wonderful guy. We'd get involved. The more I liked him, the faster I would run away. I hurt some very fine people.

For a long time, I didn't understand why I did that. Then the lightbulb went on. I wanted to be alone. No marriage. No live in anybody. ALONE. A great weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I love being alone. I treasure my solitude. I value the freedom to do whatever I damn please.

I've given this some thought. I don't think I could ever be entirely relaxed with someone else around.

I remember when I got a cat. I had lived alone in a studio apartment for maybe seven or eight years. I wanted a cat because there were mice around. The second day I had the cat I started to cry. Couldn't stop. Why? No more solitude. No more total aloneness. The following day I told the super that I wanted to move to a larger apartment. I moved within six weeks. At least then I could be in a room alone. I loved my cats. But I needed the extra space to be alone.

For the past few years I've been alone too much. I don't think it's good for me, but it's the way things are for now.

I still love being alone.

I like leaving The New Yorker on the side of the sink, folded open to the article I am reading without worrying that anyone is going to need to wash their face or brush their teeth and need to "move it to a safer place".

Note: apparently this safer place exists only in the ninth dimension. It's full of German words and the conclusions of over a thousand short stories.

Joe(But what happened to the boy the sniper had in his sights?)Nation

But so glad you've finally found it, Roberta!
I have been waiting for you to post since 2003!



That's an interesting dilemma. How much solitude (for solitude lovers - like me) is too much time alone?

I juggle with this constantly. I have friends who become downright annoyed, upset & angry with me, because they perceive the lack of communication from my end (sometimes) as not caring about them. Which isn't true at all.

I must get better about keeping in touch with people who really matter to me!

My problem, olga, isn't that I don't keep in touch with people because I want to be alone. The problem is that I lost many friends as a result of being sick for such a long time. There aren't many people I can turn to when I'm feeling sociable.

I also work at home. I used to do voluteer work. Work is a good way to meet peope--or at least to see people.

I understood that, Roberta.
And sympathize.

The not-being-too-good-at staying-in-touch-regularly problem is mine, not yours.

Here's my first go at posting on A2K.

I'm only 18, so I can't give an honest opinion about living alone. However, my dad/"housemate" is gone quite a bit and I usually enjoy when he is. Not that I don't like him, but I enjoy being able to do what I like with the house.

My goal has been to live alone after college untill I'm 30. I don't want to be secluded, I love being around people, but I want to have a place of refuge, a safe house as it were. I think that one day I might enjoy being married, but I've been in a relationship for nearly a year right now the commitment and lack of freedom really take away from the relationship.

I think it would just be fun to live alone for a while, do some casual dating, work a relatively enjoyable job, have some hobbies, and just be a person.

Can anyone with experience tell me if this is a realistic goal?

I didn't meet my husband until my early thirties, and while I enjoyed being married (most of the time), I'm really glad I experienced living alone for quite a while, the good parts of that and the not so good parts. At the least, you get to know yourself. I think many people stick with unhappy relationships for many reasons but a key one is avoidance of being alone.

I think that's pretty realistic.....though lerve DOES have a way of inserting itself unexpectedly into these schedules!

I agree with osso, I very much valued the time I lived alone, and I think the fact that I liked living alone helped me make better choices, relationship-wise.

I do think it can go too far in the other direction, where people become very used to being on their own and then can't really tolerate living with another person anymore. That can be fine, or not. (As in, if a person has a good social support network and adequate funds and doesn't want to live with anyone, no problem. If someone really wants to be in a cohabitating relationship but no longer can, problem.)

I'd recommend not being too strict about the cut-off of age 30, just go ahead and live alone for a while and then take stock at intervals, and allow yourself to change your mind.

Welcome, Running Emotion!
A pleasure to meet you.

Could I ask you why you stay in a committed relationship while it sounds like your preference right now would be a more casual arrangement?
Just interested. Not being critical.


Sure, it's a realistic goal if that's what you want & if you can afford to live on your own & don't need to share housing costs with others.
But, speaking from personal experience, a helluva lot changed in my own life between 18 & 30. What I wanted at 30 was completely different to when I was younger.
You sound like an independent person who's thought carefully about how you'd like to live & what you'd like to do after college. That's great. But don't be too surprised if some of your priorities change during your twenties. (Mine certainly did.) On the other hand, things might turn out pretty much as you'd hope!
.

Well, I'm leaving for college in a month and we mutually agreed to peacefully break up when that happens. It may be wrong of me, but I figured it would be better to just wait the extra month rather than creating a mess before I leave.

As far as my life plans from now to 30; I kind of hope that they change. I think life would be really boring if I decided what to do and then just lived my whole life on a schedule.

Thanks for responding to my question, RE.
Sounds like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders!
Good luck with College. I think you'll love it.
Please feel free to post any further thoughts you might have .... oh & to other A2K threads, too!