Wilso wrote:I'm one of the ones who could die and not be discovered for several days. It is scary if you think about it too much.
Maybe I'm looking at this from too practical a point of view but once you're dead, why does it matter that you won't be discovered for several days? Is it just the implications of it? That you're apparently not worth others caring about? If it's not true then what difference does it make?
Yes, the implication that you're not worth others caring about.
The conciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.
-Oscar Wilde
One day I'd love to find out if this is true!!
Wilso wrote:Yes, the implication that you're not worth others caring about.
Yeah! And the tragic implications, too, Wilso!
Who would want to be the subject of such a sad little story in the "Briefs" section of the daily paper? Awful thought!
Setanta wrote:You know, several have mentioned the possible consequences of suffering serious injury or illness while alone--but it is also worth mentioning that when one is just ordinarily ill, it is nice to have someone who will commiserate, who will offer some tea and sympathy . . .
Yes, indeed! Nothing like being cared for & pampered when one is feeling poorly, wobbly & vulnerable.
dlowan wrote:I guess it takes some guts to be alone - very few people HAVE to be, I think, if they are prepared to compromise a lot. I mean by this that, no matter how "unattractive" you are, generally you can find someone to be with if you really do not want to be alone.
I've been thinking about dlowan said & have come to the conclusion that it is definitely preferable to be alone than in a *relationship of convenience*, or even worse, too afraid to leave a relationship that might have died, or even become destructive. I know a few people who have hung in there, no matter what, & generally they're not particularly happy or fulfilled people. Personally, I felt more alone in the miserable dying stages of my last relationship than I now do, physically living alone.
Well, then a major segment of the Oz population is gonna be screwed up, cos it is an increasing proportion of us (and maybe more western countries?) - I am too lazy to go look up the figures.
This happens increasingly as people delay coupledom, as relationships break down in increasing numbers, as fewer people have children, as more people choose to remain single. Women, especially, may spend longer periods of our life alone, as we often outlive husbands and such, and demographics decree that we are less likely to be able to find male partners.
demographics and the apparent pattern that men tend to like to link up with younger women, and men tend to die younger (I think).
Well, the practical thing about being struck by some catastrophic problem when you are alone is...that you might be in trouble, but not, ahem, dead yet.
Moving along to cheerier thoughts, I agree heartily with Msolga's last post on much preferring to be alone than in a
miserable relationship; for me, after the mourning of the relationship substantially passed, I felt a new exhilaration, pleasure in living, pleasure in being me.
Oh absolutely! The freedom of having your own space after a breakup is incomparable.
Yep.
We had a discussion somewhere about people who are childless/"child-free" and I think there are parallels to this discussion. What it came down to is that people who wanted to have children and didn't/ couldn't have them were sad; people who wanted children and had them were happy; people who didn't want children and didn't have them were happy; and people who didn't want children (even if they can't admit that to themselves) and had them were sad.
I think it is the same for romantic relationships. People who want to be in an intimate romantic relationship and aren't/ can't are sad; people who want to be in an intimate romantic relationship and are are happy; people who don't want to be in an intimate romantic relationship and aren't are happy; and people who don't want to be in an intimate romantic relationship (even if they can't admit that to themselves) and are in one are sad.
Everyone can vary in this way during the course of their lives and according to available partners. Someone who thinks they don't want to be in an intimate romantic relationship and then meets someone wonderful may well change his/her mind. The point is that I think individual temperments are better suited to one state than another, and forcing it because of what society expects -- you should want kids, you should want to get married -- won't work.
Well, time is a factor too. Many people change, if not fundamentally, at least in interests, over a span of decades; sometimes they change in very different directions; sometimes the changes both people make enrich the relationship, at least eventually even if there is immediate tension, and sometimes not.
eoe wrote:Oh absolutely! The freedom of having your own space after a breakup is incomparable.
Oh, I remember that! After my first marriage ended in divorce, it took me six full months to stop driving around town with all the windows down, singing with the radio at the top of my lungs.
Going to the grocery store and only buying what
I wanted was another thrill...for several months.
And finally hanging that print (the one he hated, I loved, and that had been stored in the back of a closet for five years) right smack dab over my bed (!)...well, that felt SO great.
Who was it that said "the happiest time of a man's life is right after his first divorce"? It applies to women as well.
LOL Eva. I hear that for sure. I'm very set in my ways :-)
Me ould grandma Antrim used to tell me:
"You'll never marry, you'll be an old bachelor all yer life--yer too set in yer ways . . . "
Hmmm, wonder if she was right ?
Setanta
Maybe gradma Antrim was wrong?
Too bad we can't ask her what she'd say now.
Oh, sorry, I didn't realize.
How long ago was this prediction made, then?
I've been married twice. I've been alone for 12 years, then Rae came to live with me.
I love living alone ... I love the feeling that I can do what I want, when I want, with whom I want. I love coming home from work knowing there's nobody I HAVE to talk to, if I don't feel like it.
Living alone is not for everybody. However, to live alone successfully you must be a well grounded person, secure in your own person, and completely centered in your own spirituality.
It took a while to get used to being alone, and quite a bit of soul-searching, however, it was well worth the effort, because in so doing I learned how capable I am, how independent and very well adjusted.
Having Rae with me has been no imposition at all, we have our own schedules, we are not in each others face, we have our own computer, TV, and our own kitty too. Most of all, we respect each others privacy and we allow each other to live as we choose, and we're not judgemental of each other.
I encourage all women to live alone for a time, just for the experience of becoming comfortable in their own skin.
It's been quite a journey, one I wouldn't have missed for the world.
