ME MYSELF I - The pros & cons of the solo life

I suppose it's made with fresh ground beef as well . . . them doggies has got no standards . . .

An' its aged, not spoiled . . .

Ground beef, ground pork, the inside of sweet italian turkey sausage, the left-over champ, plus some other stuff. (Cleo pulled the edge of one off of the counter - she's sleeping off the tryptophan now)

Ewwwwww - I was once served aged quail at a restaurant. I called it drainpipe quail - and I couldn't eat it, Philistine that I be.

Well, Eoe, I have a whole lot of good friends, but they are scattered in different locales. I once lived in a big city, and as years passed, many people moved away. Thus I have friends in Los Angeles, near San Francisco, in San Diego, and in Grand Forks, North Dakota. I live 5 hours north of San Francisco now in a small city where I have many acquaintances, but only one close friend. I don't feel singled out (heh) in that because people do not usually stick together in close groups all the time as you get older.. I wouldn't want them to either. But I'd like a few more pals around here...

Actually, it is partly my fault, some interesting people want to get together lately and I have put them off since I am painting for a show and don't want to clean my house.

I am not lonely..a close friend called me at work just this afternoon. But there is every chance that if I fell in the basement, possibly days would go by.

This is very common, I think we are taken aback by it as we are just now discovering this sense of vulnerability happens to us too.

As single women in a big city, we had a small crew and we looked after one other, touching bases, checking in. Our fear, of course, was not so much hurting ourselves in the home or dropping dead but falling into the wrong male hands, accepting a date with someone that you don't really know or, God forbid, inviting the wrong guy into your place. I remember getting into an ugly fight with a male 'friend' from out-of-town and half an hour later, my girlfriend was there, just in case it got uglier before I could get him out of my house. We were gonna kick his ass! Living in a somewhat fast lane back then, I had a pact with a good friend. If I got arrested for anything, being in the wrong car at the wrong time, whatever, I called her to bail me out instead of my family and vice versa. It was the best of both worlds. Living alone but your posse just a phone call away.
Everybody needs a posse. Even if it's just one other person.

I've lived with others for many years and I've also lived alone for many years as well. I am very happy at the moment living alone, but sometimes I wish someone else was there to share my life with me.

Eoe, I have that posse, a good friend is now my business partner. But.... we leave each other be outside of work, 35 hrs a week is enough already, thus if I fall down the basement stairs on Fri night...

actually I am not worried, I am not fragile. There is even a phone in the basement. Just talkin here.

I loved being married and nearly died psychologically when my husband, who I did love, left, and still have reverberations. We are even friends, not entirely superficially, now. But something in me really shrunk, some kind of hope. Not about him, I don't want to go back. But the whole thing took away a bunch of my pep.

That is not to say I clung, after the first day or two, or made scenes. Just mentioning my state of mind. And then I had to leave the house, and that might almost have been worse.

I met my husband when I was 33, and had quite a full life on my own before that, so I had lived well alone before this recent period. The change is now I want very much to control my own time.

In my marriage, which was pretty egalitarian, we both spent a lot amount of time dealing with the other's interests, and family. Don't get me started (smile).

The difference now is that I would do less of that; I start to envision how good it would be to love someone and have them love me back but that we could inhabit our own spaces and get together a lot, but not consume all the air between.

Well, My wife is a travel nurse and I live alone a good deal of the year. She has been home about 2 weeks since xmas day. I enjoy living alone because I don't wash dishes, I use paper plates and the microwave. I shave about once a week or so. I have my projects and do them when I can but can take time off when i want. I can sleep late and get up late. Just me and the dogs and a cat is great.

To a point.

I really am a people person and miss companionship. When I get bummed out and lonely I can get inthe car or on an airplane ang go spend several days with my wife and refuel. We enjoy our time together a great and more than a lot of other people do. We focus on making the most of our time together and enjoying ourselves. When we are apart we are reasonably frugle so that when we get together we can spend freely and not worry about the budget. In this way, we have the best of both worlds. We've been married 27 years and have gotten well beyond the thought of infidelity so that sheds the wory that a much younger couple might have. We both have digital cameras so we can exchange pictures of our daily life and feel more in touch that way. When she is home for long perio0ds of time we get to a point that we agree it may be time for her to take another assignment. When she first comes home we have to deal with turf issues and begin to readjust to being in the same house.

Soooo, I'm wishy-washy. I enjoy being alone but love being with my wife.

Interesting, Morganwood. In a way, what I was getting to, close and yet not suffocating.

One of the things missing in my marriage, not finding fault here, because maybe I should have elicited change in some way much earlier, was that I was very supportive of him in what he was doing and he was very less interested in my interests. To the point of one day telling me he didn't give a **** about italy or piazzas or painting or landscape architecture.

Hmm, after I supported him monetarily and emotionally on all his ninja warrior script rewrites.

that was the beginning of the end. Anyway, a small part of me still holds the ideal of people being enthused for the other one's knowledge and interests.

This is a very charged topic for me.

After thinking about it for the last five days, I still have too many things to say. I wrote a quick, little response that ended up being 700 words long. Then one that was only 500. Still can't post anything reasonable.

Maybe another week to calm down ...

Write when you are able to, CodeBorg.
You always have illuminating things to say.

Setanta & ehBeth

I must say, I DO enjoy your conversations .... Particularly a bit of light hearted bickering about meat.

Yes, but it has to be a very suitable "someone", yes? I do hope such a person crosses your path ... soon!

Yes, that's what feeling alone is really all about much of the time, I think.

You know, several have mentioned the possible consequences of suffering serious injury or illness while alone--but it is also worth mentioning that when one is just ordinarily ill, it is nice to have someone who will commiserate, who will offer some tea and sympathy . . .

I'm one of the ones who could die and not be discovered for several days. It is scary if you think about it too much.

Thank you for your thoughts msolga.

Setanta, I like your point. When I'm really ill I miss the cool hand on my forehead and someone cooing "Poor baby." Being sick (not just feeling bad) is lousy when you are alone. I've also had 2 heart attacks while linda was away. One resulted in a bypass. When it happens it brings all sort of dreadful thoughts to mind. A hard part of being apartfor long periods and not totally alone is the self talk. Linda was coming home on Sunday for a week to take care of some things. She was at a bookstore picking up a couple of graphics books for me. She called to make sure she had the titles right. She ended up saying that her plans had changed and she was coming sooner. She ended up with "I'll talk to you later." Her tone was odd so now I get to sit and ponder until she calls.

Another part of being alone (for me) is that I have about a million ideas a day. I just think a lot. It's hard to seperate the good from the silly or develop an idea without some feedback. It's not so much the things I do that don't turn out, it's the things that I don't do that could have been something had I had some supportive feedback.

And yet another thing. Relationships depend on a lot of body language and visual stuff. Things that can't be observed over the phone or in e-mail. When you are alone there is just the mirror. Husbands, wives, roommates, whioever are able to see these things and respond.

Just some thoughts