Its just as surprising to me....
this should be written down some where or something...
it just doesnt seem right at all though, could be me...but,the cats like me just fine
I'm feeling a wee bit ponderous, having just arrived home from work on yet another (!) chilly Melbourne night.
(This place & this winter weather tends to make one quite introspective.
)
I was wondering: Do, in fact, periods of aloneness increase one's wisdom, understanding of one's self & others, make one a better person as we're told? Is this a *period of growth & expansion* that we'll be forever grateful came our way?
Is this how it was/is for you?
Dunno, Msolga - I think we learn different stuff depending what we do, if we are of a learnacious ilk. I tend to value the lessons of singleness - but then, I would!
I guess it takes some guts to be alone - very few people HAVE to be, I think, if they are prepared to compromise a lot. I mean by this that, no matter how "unattractive" you are, generally you can find someone to be with if you really do not want to be alone. That sounds very horrid, but the more attractive you are, personality-wise and physically, the more options you tend to have.
I certainly needed to learn to be alone, in terms of personal development (HATE that description, but I am too tired to think of another one at present!) because I used to be dependent, emotionally, on having a fella - he didn't need to be round much, just in my life! Actually, I think that is one of the reasons I have been single now for a long time - don't want to awaken that dependence again - but who knows? It might have gone!
I do value what I learn from being alone - and I think there are some things we find it hard to experience when we are in a couple. I am thinking of a few friends I have had who were so overwhelmingly confident - seemingly in themselves - that they were absolutely unforgiving to people who were less so. They had been in very long relationships, that began early in their lives. Both ended up separating at about the same time, oddly enough, not of their volition, and discovered that a lot of this boundless confidence was bound up in not being single. Both had enormous difficulty in coping not only with the loss of the relationship, but with the realisation that much of their seeming strength, that they had seen as intrinsic and absolute, was, in fact, contingent. They had to adapt to an entirely new, and sobering, view of themselves.
Were they the better for it? They were certainly more compassionate and understanding. To see them literally fade before one's eyes, and fall apart, was awful. I found it unbearable - (though, if I am brutally honest, there was an ugly glimmer of satisfaction in seeing them realise that I, for instance, though very vulnerable, have strengths they had not been able to understand before - god I hate myself sometimes - but there is no use denying these uglinesses!). I would not have wished for them the pain they experienced, no matter how much they gained.
I live alone. At times it's great and at times it's terrible. A years ago I had a sprained ankle and was on crutches. Having dinner meant removing it from the stove and then crawling along the floor pushing it in front of me to the table. That made me very scared of growing old alone.
Thank you for such a thoughtful answer, dlowan. I know exactly what you mean about being cautious about awakening a dependance on another again. Seems to be where I am right now ... Who knows if this is a permanent state of affairs? Too early to tell.
Yes, some people learn compassion the hard way. To a degree, I guess I'm one of those people.
Oh, Wilso, that sounded like a very frightening episode! Yes, it would be EXTREMELY difficult being old & incapacitated, too. <gulp>
My wife went back to the States for the summer, leaving me with The Wet Nose Dog and Pest the Cat. I've never liked being alone, and can't wait until she gets back in about three weeks.
Yes, Jim, but are you DEVELOPING? LOL!
I'm alone and I hate it, but it increasingly looks like it will be my normal state of existence. To me the freedoms of aloneness are much less attractive than the stimulation of living with someone.
A woman I know, somewhat younger than me, works in the pub I frequent. She announced the other night, somewhat dolefully, that she could be dead for three days before anyone might notice. "What about your boy friend," I asked. Turns out he dumped her recently, hence, I suppose, her comment.
It can be a hard adjustment, especially when it happens when we don't expect it or want it. Being alone, I mean--not death!
You guys sound like such loners. Where are your friends, your family? I had lots of friends before I got married and sure, maybe if I had dropped dead, no one would've found me right away, no one would've been there to hear me hit the floor but if certain people hadn't heard from me in a couple of days, it would have given them cause to come and look for me and believe me, I can think of two off the bat who would have broken my door down.
D'artagnan, the woman in your pub forgot that she has a job to come to. If she didn't show up and didn't call in for a couple of days, wouldn't that arouse suspicion in her employer or co-workers? Maybe even customers like yourself? Wouldn't yall start looking for her?
I feel like that once a month. Even though I work, have dogs, talk to Setanta 3 times a day, talk to other friends almost daily, exchange creatings with neighbours on the way to work EVERY morning - the second day of my period, I am always convinced I could die of the pain and no one would notice. I KNOW better, but when I hurt and am crazed I can't see the reality. An emotional hurt can have the same effect.
Yes, eoe, we would've wondered. Frankly, I think she was feeling a little sorry for herself at that moment. It's easy, though, to feel a bit isolated when one lives alone...
I know I know. I've been there, too.
One of the things I can''t stand are people you live with who insist on talking to you when you are reading something esoteric like Mad Magazine or the Financial Times or watching the Wrestling or the Simpsons on TV. And they are asking how long you should hang a haunch of venion or rabbits or grouse before you eat them and what wine goes best with the aforementioned. Obviously it's RED WINE, tho I prefer beer myself.
I like to buy ground beef, directly from the butcher, as opposed to "pre-packaged" (? ? ? . . . what, it was packaged before it was packaged?). That way, i get it wrapped in paper. Then i take it home, and put it in the fridge for a week before making hamburgers. I make the patties all at once, and then cook what i'm going to eat and freeze the rest.
Roommates tend to throw that out, which infuriates me. It won't make a good hamburger until you can smell it when the refrigerator door is closed.
And yes, i eat my hamburgers rare . . .
Didja ever notice that i've not ever made hamburgers at yer house . . . i'm considerate . . .
aren't you sweet. not cooking spoiled meat at my house.
i'm experimenting with cooking meatloaf. your small friends are very interested.
