ME MYSELF I - The pros & cons of the solo life

i know what you mean. it's hard to give up. i got engaged quick .... and de-engaged just as quick... because i do value my single life a lot. and am still not ready. dunno if i'll ever be again, and that's just dandy fine with me. i do run from every relationship since the Monster though, and realize that it's a problem i'll have to address at some point...but looking back, none of those that i escaped from were worth the time of my life. and charming princes don't exactly knock our door down here. You're not silly, your reaction is perfectly sensible and justified. He should know better...but men (most, or at least many) do not think that way. They just don't.

Yes, dag. If one has to persuade oneself to become involved again then it's possibly not such a great idea at the time, I think. If a good situation arises, it does. If it doesn't, it doesn't. So we'll see what happens. The other thing: I have spent most of my adult life involved with one male or another. A number of serious, involved relationships. Actually I've had very little time to completely myself in the midst of all that. This is relatively new territory, the idea that this (being alone) could be IT. It has its ups & downs, pros & cons, the same as my relationships did. Anyway, getting one's act together, pulling one's life back into OK shape after a long relationship ends, is not to be sneezed at! It's an achievement to be valued. In my humble opinion.

You were dis-engaged recently, dag?

haha, well, not officially. i just told the young man to not talk of marriage anytime soon again or i'll run. it sort of withered away for me it's as if i sobered up. i'll be there in january and february, but can't say i'm looking forward to it terribly.

I honestly thought the talk of your "fiance" was a little joke between you & G, dag!

Well, well ...!

A wise move, not talking of marriage so early. You've got heaps of time up your sleave to make such serious decisions. Besides, so many other admirers would be utterly shattered if you departed the solo scene so hastily! You've gotta think of them, too, ya know! :wink:

a brief musical interlude

Sailing Solo
The Beautiful South

Imagine sailing solo around the world
Only to find you've missed a continent out
And as your happy turns choppy and tidal wave swirls
You're wondering why there's no one about

At least Captain Scott actually stood on the spot
Where he planned to put up Union Jack
And though Captain Cook cursed the map that he took
He got near enough for native's attack

That's how it feels trying to navigate you
Even with compass and infinite time
Just when I think I've found some part that's new
I find a flag already up that's not mine

Circling you is journey minus view
Exploration without reason or reward
'Cause when I get near you use an arrow or spear
To prevent my heart ever being shored

The earth ain't flat but it's a simple doormat
Compared to your unclimbable self
The desolate terrain you have to cross to your brain
Just one of your slippery shelves

That's how it feels trying to navigate you
Even with compass and infinite time
Just when I think I've found some part that's new
I find a flag already up that's not mine

And if I ever get close I'll need a banner or post
To hang it from, first there or not
So voyage may uncover a sister or brother
And a friendship that Colombus forgot.

Hey, that was quick, djjd!

Welcome!

And what a solo song! (Someone was certainly having a difficult time ther, trying to make a connection! Poor thing! :wink: )

Who wrote that?

it's by one of my fave bands, the beautiful south, led by paul heaton

he started off with the british band the housemartins (a band that included norman cook (fatboy slim) on bass)

after the band split he started the beautiful south

a very good intelligent pop band

a similar vibe to split enz/crowded house

The Beautiful South

Ah.

The Beautiful South.

A new band to investigate!

Thanks, djjd!

Nods to Dag - I wondered, but it's none of my business. Only what they call empathy from here.

Msolga, I'm glad you are exploring your independence and your 'alone' self.
That is something so many never have to time to do.

If the right man ever comes by, you will know it and you will probably realize that you have no choice, this is too precious to leave behind. Until then, enjoy being yourself!

Thank you, Diane.

Trust me, I was not exactly expecting to be exploring the pros & cons of single-hood in such depth at all! It was sort of thrust upon me without warning!

But now that I'm here, I've discovered (to my complete & utter surprise) that it does have it's good points. It certainly teaches you things that cannot be learned in any other way. It makes me wish that I'd taken more time out from "relationships" earlier on. At least not to have persisted with ones that turned out to be not exactly fantastic! But never mind, we live & learn!

If only that was really the case.

In any event, why polarize your life to such extreme? Date, have fun, have sex, don't worry about long term commitment or living together forever, that's far from the only way to garner intimacy.

Oh, but I think I am learning, Chumly!

And that is simply to do what suits me, not conforming to what other folk think is a good idea at the time! :wink:

No situation in life is permanet. Possibly this one isn't either.

Sounds good I wish you all the best, all I might add is keep your options open!

Why thank you, my dear!

Yes, I'm keeping my options open. Nothing would surprise me. This does have it's scarey & unsettling moments from time to time, I confess! But I'm getting better at it.

This WAS a good thread, Msolga! No wonder you are happy with it.

It was certainly quite a read, wasn't it, Deb?
That thread was started in 2003. Long time ago.
Re-reading parts of it, I see A2Kers who no longer post here.
I see a2Kers who were single at the time & are now "coupled".
My, how things change!

Perhaps there are A2Kers who were in relationships then, but are now living the solo life?
Perhaps there are "new" A2Kers (since that thread) who would like to add their own thoughts?
Please feel free, anyone, if you'd like to add your own thoughts.