) & I've wearing my red shoes. 
I'm going out soon to get my hair cut & my hairdresser is bloody going to listen to what I want, even if I have to tell him to shut up & listen! 
Then I heard about the "impending nuptials" & it felt like he had his life thoroughly sorted out & mine was all struggle, struggle, struggle .... After a good night's sleep I think things aren't quite so disastrous, afterall. I'm actually enjoying being on my own, most of the time. The financial struggles are a problem but I can't allow them to totally dominate my life. And hey, I'm hoping, hoping that this tedious process of getting over that (20 year) relationship might finally be entering it's final stages. (Nothing so final as a marriage!) I am so very tired of thinking it's finally history then getting another surprise bite on the bum ... again ... Maybe this one was the last bite? 
It's not an easy process, is it, this getting yourself back into one whole bit again?
Hi
Iam 30 and have been single all this while. From my experience living alone can be very painful. The worst part is o return to an empty flat. I remember I used to turn on the TV real loud the moment I would walk into my apartment just so I could hear voices. My single status also forced me to stay in office till late almost everyday. Can be rather depressing.
I'm in a great rush this morning (hair appointment & I'm running late.) so not much time to respond, sorry. But I'm hoping that today is a good day for you!
Ah, the endless stages of separation and really, really becoming alone ....
Yesterday a friend told me that my ex was getting married again!
And I don't feel much better today. This is very confusing. Why should this news undermine me so? Anyone whose been there & done that who can shed any light on this (temporary, I hope!) et-back?[/quote.]
Why feel badly that he's getting re-married? Because he got there first! The man (X) in my past who had the most, by far, influence on my psyche today (mostly bad) got married and had a kid a couple years ago. He was in a lamanze class with another ex-boyfriend (V) who got married and had a kid (not in that order). Sigh. I was more pissed off than sad about X getting on with his life, because I felt my time with him had screwed mine up so much. He was the f-up, not me! And then with V I was mostly sad. We're still friends (he was up last weekend) and he was the one I thought I might get back together with someday. Not any more.
Anyway. I'm so sorry you got this slap to the face. It does get better and it is the pen-ultimate resolution aid.
Why feel badly that he's getting re-married? Because he got there first!
You're actually OK to start again???"
Msolga, I wonder how many of the people here on a2k admire you and your independence? I have as long as I've been reading your threads.
You mentioned thinking aobut what it would be like if you were back together--not good is what was expressed. Can you focus on that? Really picture what is was like and what it would be like with children. Not good, I'll bet. Then can you feel grateful that some other woman got stuck with him?
{{{{{msolga}}}}}
Having spent most of my adult life involved in one super-long, involved relationship or another, this is fairly new territory for me. And I do rather like it, most of the time! And as for focusing on what it might be like if we were still together? I can see that all too well: Awful, awful, awful! I'm so glad I'm no longer in that place! Why do we stay so long in relationships that have gone so badly off the rails I wonder? That one should have ended years before it did, really.
Lordy, Msolga, 'tain't no mystery!!!
I's what is called a "normative crisis"...that is , most everybody who experiences this event is discombobulated by it.
You loved him for a looooong time!Tendrils of him are intimately woven into the fibres of your being.
Him getting married is such a final cutting off.....of course you are grieving, no matter how far you have come in recovering, and suddenly feel very alone and all that.
Perfectly normal.
This too shall pass, but you may need to take really good care of yourself and get some support.
Just do not add kicking yourself to a perfectly normally difficult time.
The upside is that it is a chance to deal with all the bits you dinna deal with before.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Msolga)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
) It's just habit I guess, but from time to time I'd find myself thinking: What would he think of this work I've done in the garden/some development with neighbours/this leak that's just sprung in my ceiling ...? I guess it's not surprising after 20 years of such close contact, but hey, it's hardly appropriate or useful for now, is it? Tonight I had this sense that that ghost would soon vanish ... & I surprised myself by feeling relieved & almost joyful about it. It felt like some burden would soon be be shifted. Almost free.
Yeppers, but you are likely going to be really up and down with it, though, MsO.
Complicated, eh?
He is undoubtedly not as together as you imagine.
)
Do it! Have there been offers? Have you turned them down?
But I'd have to really, really motivate myself, k! No, I don't despise the other sex & I don't think I'm *bitter & twisted*. It's just that I'm simply not remotely that way inclined at present. Is this permanent? No idea, I'm just going with the flow & will act when & if seems a great idea. Right now absolutely no desire in that direction.
